What your hotel room behaviour reveals about you ...Middle East

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You don’t really know someone until you go on holiday with them, according to conventional wisdom. We need to attach an addendum to this though: and see how they treat their hotel room. Partner, friend, or family member, you have no idea who a person really is until you witness that behaviour up close. It can tell you everything about them.

This isn’t a subjective matter: there are clear rights and wrongs, which etiquette experts have detailed to Travel and Leisure magazine. The biggest shock? They discuss how messy it is acceptable to leave your hotel room, when I have lived by the instinct that this isn’t even a question. It can’t just be me who tidies up thoroughly before departing, can it? My dream is that the housekeeping staff assume the booking was cancelled at the last minute, because the room is as pristine, if not more so, than when they left it.

Well, bombshell: protocol specialist Myka Meier says you shouldn’t even make the bed before leaving, because it’s just going to be stripped and changed as soon as you go. As somebody who prides themselves on their hospital corners, this is, frankly, devastating.

While I accept my standards may be overly high, I do think leaving a room looking like there has been a burglary says a lot about who you are and your state of mind – and none of it is good.

There’s no mention in this piece of one of the other potential red flag areas: unpacking attitude. There are some who simply open their suitcase, let the contents explode out, and then use this clothes mountain as their floordrobe for the entirety of their trip. There are others who must painstakingly hang up every single item they brought with them immediately, to make the room feel like home, and restore order to the world.

But who is right? Trick question – they’re both wrong. The correct answer is a combination of the two – obviously you will unpack, you’re not an animal, but relax, have a drink, go out and explore first. You’re on holiday for goodness sake.

Much of what the etiquette experts spell out for readers seems like common sense that even a child would be well aware of but, horrifyingly, must not be, because then they wouldn’t need to spell it out. If I had to explain any of these to someone, it would be one of our last conversations. Put your rubbish in the bins provided rather than just dropping it on the floor or chucking it in a corner. Don’t leave wet towels on furniture, where they could cause mildew or stains. If you break a bottle or glass, make sure you clean up the shards. And leave furniture how you found it – if you rearrange the room, to improve the feng shui, or move your bed apart from someone who just threw their rubbish in a corner, put it back before checking out of both the room and the relationship.

Hotel stays have been changed forever by the unshakeable views of actor Jason Bateman, who revealed on his podcast Smartless that he never travels without slippers or slides, because he refuses to walk on hotel carpets barefoot or even in socks, due to “other people’s foot stuff” being trapped in the fibres. Even in top notch, luxury establishments with excellent cleaning services, because bear in mind, he’s probably not frequenting Travelodges.

He rants unforgettably about his view that hotel rooms contaminate your feet, because you pick up the accumulated dust, dirt, and previous guests’ skin residue, which you then transfer into the bed, creating a “cloth envelope” of grime. You probably have to be charming, rich, and famous to pull off this level of hygiene-phobia and still freely roam the streets, but at the same time, the man makes a compelling argument.

There’s also the suitcase on the bed issue – it’s been out in the world, and through at least two airports, and then you rest it on the bedspread or sheets? Absolutely no way. If you’re that careless with your surroundings, it’s a red flag. But if we started to really think about the reality of the cleanliness of anything in a hotel room, none of us would probably ever go anywhere ever again. (Jason Bateman doesn’t touch the remote control barehanded either, FYI.)

Going away is of course a real luxury, especially in today’s economy, and the most important thing is that you relax and enjoy your break. But remember that whoever you’re with is constantly judging your every move as you navigate your accommodation, and will forever hold it against you if you make a single wrong move. Happy Holidays!

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