In the aftermath of the May 18 shootings at the Islamic Center of San Diego, home to the lower campus of Bright Horizon Academy, there’s growing evidence of the connection between some mass casualty attacks and the issue of parents who are afraid of their children.
In fact, this problem has a name: child-to-parent violence and abuse, or CPVA — a form of domestic violence involving youths who intentionally harm their parents.
As a retired police sergeant from Chicago, it was a problem I frequently encountered throughout my 20-year career. In the San Diego tragedy, killers Cain Clark and Caleb Vazquez had histories of racism and mental health struggles. Additionally, the teens — particularly Vazquez — engaged in behaviors their parents seemed unable, or afraid, to effectively address.
Following the revelation that their son had revered serial killers and mass murderers, Vazquez’s parents publicly expressed remorse. However, per court records, his father’s “lack of cooperation” during a prior school threat investigation “hindered officers’ ability to fully [investigate] concerns and ensure the safety of all parties involved.” Similarly, Clark’s mother admitted to police she hadn’t known how to stop her son from stealing her guns or planning his own suicide before the tragedy.
As I considered the Islamic Center murders, I recalled previous attacks — the Independence Day Parade in Highland Park, Illinois; the Crowd Fundraiser in Berwick, Pennsylvania; Club ‘Q’ in Colorado Springs, Colorado; and Robb Elementary School in Uvalde, Texas – involving parents and relatives who were frightened by younger family members.
Many forget that when 18-year-old Salvador Ramos killed 19 children and two adults in Uvalde, on May 24, 2022, his first victim was his grandmother, Celia Gonzales. In addition, Ramos’s mother, Adriana Martinez Reyes, previously told police that she was afraid of her son.
Secretly, an increasing number of parents feel similarly about their children.
Conservative figures suggest that annually, at least 5% of American households experience violent occurrences of youth-initiated domestic abuse.
Still, most parents and professionals know little about the issue, largely because child-to-parent violence and abuse is widely “considered the most hidden and stigmatized form of family violence.”
As a detective, one such case I worked on closely involved Sheila von Wiese-Mack, who was chronically harmed by her daughter, Heather Mack. Eventually, the 18-year-old helped kill her mother and shove her into a suitcase during an Indonesian vacation.
My true crime memoir, When Lambs Become Wolves: The Chilling Case of Sheila von Wiese-Mack, chronicles Sheila’s struggles with her dangerous child. A little-known fact about the case is that weeks before the Bali nightmare, Heather Mack threatened to commit mass murder and suicide after her mother encouraged her to seek mental health treatment. It was the Mack tragedy that opened my eyes to the severity of child-to-parent violence and abuse and demonstrated the importance of educating others about this hidden form of family violence.
Unthinkable acts of violence, such as those at the Islamic Center of San Diego, remind us that maintaining safe communities requires more than reacting after tragedy occurs. It requires recognizing warning signs earlier, intervening when patterns of aggression first emerge, expanding access to quality mental health care and increasing public awareness of child-to-parent violence and abuse.
Throughout my law-enforcement career, and now through my work training police officers and first responders on CPVA, I have witnessed this form of family violence go unrecognized — not only by parents, but by schools, clinicians, community members and criminal-justice professionals.
Too often, families confronting these situations encounter confusion, stigma or a lack of appropriate resources rather than meaningful support. If we want to prevent future tragedies, we must become better at identifying youth-initiated domestic violence for what it is, educating the professionals most likely to encounter it and ensuring families have somewhere to turn before a crisis escalates. Because when abuse remains hidden behind closed doors, we all should fear what may happen if families continue to suffer in silence.
Rasul T. Freelain is an award-winning, retired sergeant in the Oak Park Police Department in Illinois. He is a certified crisis intervention team instructor and trains police, working to bring increased awareness to the problem of child-to-parent violence and abuse .
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