"No matter how successful or well-adjusted an adult may seem, people often recall with pain the hurtful, demeaning words said by a parent, another relative, teacher or coach when they were children," notes Dr. William Cheung Tsang, Psy.D., a neuropsychologist who treats children at Hackensack University Medical Center.
"Words shape the way a child sees themself and the way they learn to communicate with and treat others," Dr. Tsang tells Parade.
"The intention behind them is almost always loving," he says. "What matters is understanding why well-intentioned words, aimed at providing comfort, can... increase a child's anxiety. Impact doesn't always match intent."
Related: 7 Phrases a Child Psychologist Is Begging Parents of ‘Challenging’ Kids To Stop Saying
ChayTee/Getty Images
"While the intention is often to reassure, these phrases can make a child feel misunderstood, alone or as though their feelings are wrong," he shares. "When a child's feelings are dismissed, they don't learn how to process their anxiety. They get the message that their feelings are not acceptable to the adults around them."
2. Phrases that introduce fear
Sometimes, Dr. Tsang says, adults ask questions that can actually introduce fear rather than build confidence. Think, "Oh! Are you anxious about that big test?" or "Are you worried about the science fair?" These might have your kid responding, "Well, I wasn't, until now!"
Dr. Tsang says parents can do this through verbal and even non-verbal cues that reflect a parent's own expressions of fear or worry in situations a child finds scary.
Related: We Asked 3 Child Psychologists What Phrase To Avoid With Kids—They All Said the Same Thing
7 'Helpful' Phrases That Actually Cause Anxiety in Kids, Child Psychologist Warns
1. "Don't worry"
"Telling a child not to worry can invalidate their feelings, sending the message that their emotions are wrong or inappropriate," he points out. "This can lead to confusion and shame, and it fails to teach the child how to cope with their anxious feelings."
This one reeks of "Don't worry." It's often said to soothe and get a child to move on from a situation the adult feels is non-threatening.
Sadly, he reports that dismissing emotions can increase a child's feelings of being alone in their fear.
3. "It's not a big deal"
"However, this phrase can be dismissive and belittling to a child," Dr. Tsang explains. "What may seem small to an adult can feel monumental to a child, and telling them it's 'not a big deal' can make them feel like their feelings are being trivialized. This can lead to a child feeling ashamed of their emotions and hesitant to share them in the future."
"Telling a child to stop crying invalidates their feelings and teaches them that expressing emotions openly is unacceptable," Dr. Tsang says. "Crying is a natural response to feeling overwhelmed, and suppressing this expression can lead to a buildup of anxiety and stress."
5. "Let me do it for you"
"While this may provide short-term relief, it can have long-term negative consequences," Dr. Tsang shares. "By taking over, the adult inadvertently sends the message that the child is not capable of handling the situation on their own. This can undermine the child's confidence and prevent them from developing problem-solving skills and resilience, which are crucial for managing anxiety."
"However, this phrase can come across as condescending and can invalidate the very real anxiety the child was feeling beforehand," Dr. Tsang notes. "It can also create pressure for the child to not feel anxious in the future, and if they do, they may feel like they have failed to live up to the adult's expectations."
7. "You're driving me crazy!"
Dr. Tsang says these phrases often stem from a parent's frustration with a child who is not listening or engaging in behaviors that stress out the adult.
It can create a sense of shame and inadequacy in a child, who may start to feel like a disappointment, he adds.
Related: We Asked 4 Child Psychologists What They Wish More Grandparents Prioritized—They All Said the Same Thing
Dr. Tsang likes that this phrase validates the child's emotion and offers support. It's a great alternative to "Don't worry" because it gives way to communication and problem-solving.
2. "That sounds really hard—tell me more about it"
Dr. Tsang says that this phrase is an invitation to kids to share their thoughts and feelings without an adult interrupting or entering "fix-it" mode right away.
The neuropsychologist shares that this one is an alternative to phrases like "It's not a big deal," which shut down communication.
3. "I know you can handle this, and we can work together to find ways to make it easier"
"This comment expresses confidence in the child's ability to cope while also offering collaborative support," Dr. Tsang says.
"It avoids the trap of over-helping, which can suggest the child is incapable. Instead, it focuses on teamwork and practical strategies," he explains. "This approach helps children develop what experts call 'stress tolerance' by showing them that while anxiety is uncomfortable, it is manageable."
Related: 9 Mistakes Well-Meaning Parents Make That Child Psychologists Wish They’d Stop
Final Takeaways
Certain types of phrases can trigger or worsen anxiety in kids. For instance, phrases that dismiss feelings or introduce or reinforce a fear can cause distress in children.Some "helpful" phrases can actually cause anxiety in kids. "You're fine!" and "It's not a big deal" can feel dismissive, even when adults use them to calm a child. Meanwhile, saying, "Let me do that for you," can undermine confidence.Try using phrases that foster confidence and camaraderie instead. Think, "I can see that you're scared, and I'm here to help you," and "I know you can handle this, and we can work together to find ways to make it easier."
Up Next:
Related: Psychologists Say if You Were Told To 'Toughen Up' as a Kid, You Likely Have These 7 Traits
Source:
Dr. William Cheung Tsang, Psy.D., is a neuropsychologist who treats children at Hackensack University Medical Center.Hence then, the article about 7 helpful phrases that actually cause anxiety in kids child psychologist warns was published today ( ) and is available on Parade ( Saudi Arabia ) The editorial team at PressBee has edited and verified it, and it may have been modified, fully republished, or quoted. You can read and follow the updates of this news or article from its original source.
Read More Details
Finally We wish PressBee provided you with enough information of ( 7 'Helpful' Phrases That Actually Cause Anxiety in Kids, Child Psychologist Warns )
Also on site :
- Nvidia clinches deals with South Korean giants including SK Group to advance AI boom
- Unisound Releases U2: A Native Agentic Large Model Built for Execution, Capable of Autonomously Decomposing and Completing 100+ Steps in Complex Real-World Workflows
- Watch Pink's Incredible Opening Number at the 2026 Tony Awards