The bestselling author and professor, who has spent much of her career studying vulnerability, courage, and human connection, recently explained why she believes social media is often misunderstood.
"I think what's scary is we say that we're connected online," Brown told TODAY.com. "Online tools, social media, technology, those are not connection tools. Those are communication tools."
Brown said that distinction matters because social media can make people feel as though they are connecting deeply when they may only be exchanging quick responses, likes, or comments.
Brené Brown Says Social Media Is Not True Connection
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If someone posts about being laid off on Facebook or Instagram, friends may respond with supportive comments like, "God, so sorry to hear it. Wishing you the best of luck." Brown said that kind of response can be kind, but it does not require much vulnerability from the person sharing the news.
"If I have to pick up the phone and call you and say, 'Do you have a second? The worst thing just happened at work today. My whole department was laid off,' that's connection," Brown said.
"That's connection," Brown said. "The other is just communication."
Brown said humans are "hardwired" for connection, which means most people need meaningful interaction even if they do not always recognize it.
The problem starts when people expect social media to satisfy the same emotional need as a real conversation, a phone call, a shared activity, or a vulnerable check-in with someone who knows them well.
For Brown, the goal is not necessarily to disappear from social media altogether. It is to use it for what it can do, while remembering what it cannot replace.
How Brené Brown Builds Real Connection
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One of her main tools is curiosity. She suggested asking people simple but genuine questions, especially during small talk.
Brown also quoted author Harriet Lerner, saying people should "listen with the same passion with which you want to be heard."
Brown also said she tries to be careful about how she uses Instagram. She told TODAY.com that she often sticks to posts from people she follows and tries to avoid influencers or "grifters."
For anyone feeling drained by social media, Brown's reminder is direct: the phone in your hand can help you communicate, but a creal connection may still require actually making the call.
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