Brené Brown has a warning about the way people talk about social media.
The bestselling author and professor, who has spent much of her career studying vulnerability, courage, and human connection, recently explained why she believes social media is often misunderstood.
In TODAY.com's Expert Tip of the Day series, Brown said that while online platforms can be useful, they should not be mistaken for a real connection.
"I think what's scary is we say that we're connected online," Brown told TODAY.com. "Online tools, social media, technology, those are not connection tools. Those are communication tools."
Brown said that distinction matters because social media can make people feel as though they are connecting deeply when they may only be exchanging quick responses, likes, or comments.
Brené Brown Says Social Media Is Not True Connection
Randal Ford
Brown used the example of losing a job to explain the difference.
If someone posts about being laid off on Facebook or Instagram, friends may respond with supportive comments like, "God, so sorry to hear it. Wishing you the best of luck." Brown said that kind of response can be kind, but it does not require much vulnerability from the person sharing the news.
A phone call is different.
"If I have to pick up the phone and call you and say, 'Do you have a second? The worst thing just happened at work today. My whole department was laid off,' that's connection," Brown said.
She added that the conversation might feel awkward, and the person on the other end may not know exactly what to say. But the act of reaching out directly creates a different kind of bond than posting online and waiting for comments.
"That's connection," Brown said. "The other is just communication."
Related: Quote of the Day: Brené Brown on Being Vulnerable in Life
Brown said humans are "hardwired" for connection, which means most people need meaningful interaction even if they do not always recognize it.
That does not mean social media has no value. Online platforms can help people stay in touch, share information, and find support. But Brown's point is that they have limits.
The problem starts when people expect social media to satisfy the same emotional need as a real conversation, a phone call, a shared activity, or a vulnerable check-in with someone who knows them well.
TODAY.com also cited research from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention showing that consistent personal connection has been linked to benefits including improved mood, lower stress, and even reduced chronic disease risk.
For Brown, the goal is not necessarily to disappear from social media altogether. It is to use it for what it can do, while remembering what it cannot replace.
How Brené Brown Builds Real Connection
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Brown also shared a few ways she tries to create more meaningful connections in her own life.
One of her main tools is curiosity. She suggested asking people simple but genuine questions, especially during small talk.
Examples include asking where someone is from, whether they grew up there, what they loved about it, whether they still go back, and whether they miss it.
Brown also quoted author Harriet Lerner, saying people should "listen with the same passion with which you want to be heard."
The advice is simple, but it points back to the same idea: connection usually requires presence, curiosity, and vulnerability. Social media can start a conversation, but it cannot always do the deeper work.
Brown also said she tries to be careful about how she uses Instagram. She told TODAY.com that she often sticks to posts from people she follows and tries to avoid influencers or "grifters."
She also makes time to get outside every day and plays competitive pickleball six days a week, which gives her another form of real-world social interaction.
For anyone feeling drained by social media, Brown's reminder is direct: the phone in your hand can help you communicate, but a creal connection may still require actually making the call.
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