Moby, 60, is an American musician and songwriter who found success with his 1991 song “Go”. He is most famous for his fifth album Play, which has sold over 12 million copies; his song “Extreme Ways”, which was used as the outro music to the Bourne films; and for getting dissed in the lyrics and video to “Without Me” by Eminem.
He has released 22 studio albums – his latest, Future Quiet, is out this February. Here, he looks back at the moments that shaped him, from dropping out of university to become a musician, realising he was an alcoholic, staying single, and moving to LA to become more like David Lynch.
I grew up with a lot of trauma. There was drug abuse, other types of abuse and suicide, all before the age of four, so it was a very anxious environment. Anxiety is deeply unpleasant, but it’s fairly gentle compared to an actual full-blown panic attack.
I had my first panic attack when I was seven. I was in second grade, and we had colouring book homework that I didn’t think I was going be able to finish in time. I remember panicking to my mother: “How am I going to do 30 pages of colouring in one night?” My mum looked at me, as if to say: “My seven-year-old is having a panic attack about not being able to do his colouring book homework. This is both sad and adorable.”
If I hadn’t had such a terrible panic attack when I was 19, I probably would never have become a professional musician. It lasted for months, and led me to drop out of university, and ended the relationship I was in. It taught me that although adversity might seem horrifying in the short-term, it might not be as disastrous and horrifying in the long-term.
I would rather die than contribute to the suffering of an animal. I grew up loving animals unconditionally, because I didn’t trust human beings. Until I was 19, I was logically disconnected enough to think it was OK to eat animals. Then it struck me: how can you love animals while actively contributing to their suffering and deaths? It seemed mind-boggling that anyone could hold on to that idea. I went vegetarian in 1983 and vegan in 1987, and my lifestyle choice became an extension, rather than a contradiction, of my beliefs.
I spent decades amassing an overwhelming body of evidence that I was an alcoholic. I would have one drink and would have to have 20. Finally in 2008, I realised I had proven to myself thousands of times that I’m a full-blown alcoholic, and it was time to stop ignoring the evidence.
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I still believe that gay culture is a lot better than straight culture. I also recognise that is a quote that could get me into trouble in 2026. I was always envious of my gay friends. I grew up around New York in the 80s. I spent a lot of time in gay clubs. Straight culture was dudes in pick-up trucks playing American football, whereas my gay friends were funny, sharp and thoughtful, and their music, clubs and clothes were better. I remember thinking: “I’ve been cursed with heterosexuality.”
I haven’t been on a date for 10 years. A friend described me as “secular monastic”. When I looked around me, I realised that most of the people I knew were unhappy in their relationships, but they seemed equally unhappy when they were out of relationships. I thought: “I’m going to take a break from dating.” What was supposed to be a six month break has ended up being over 10 years.
My father killed himself when I was two. Whatever memories I might have of him, I’ve conflated with photographs. My mother was very complicated. She was so funny, creative and kind, but at the drop of a hat, so vitriolic, angry and irrational. It wouldn’t take a genius therapist to say: “Your mum was battling mental illness. You loved her, but you were also terrified of her. I wonder if this might be connected to the fact that you haven’t been on a date in 10 years?”
I am weirdly familiar with the cycle of death. Until I was 30, it seemed like someone in my life died every couple of years. My mum died in 1997 when I was 32. Of course, I grieved, but then I realised the core of my grief was not that she had died, but that she had lived a life that disappointed her, and that was my sadness.
No one can avoid ageing and mortality. But I figured: why not take some simple rational steps to make it less arduous. I know it sounds Los Angeles cliché, but I do yoga, go hiking, lift weights, and meditate every day. About 20 years ago, I hadn’t been to the dentist in a decade. I needed root canals, fillings, crowns, and spent the next 18 months in the dentist chair. I also hurt my back. I was getting root canals, had a bad back and thought: “What can I do to prevent either of these things from happening again?”
I used to live in a castle. Growing up was not a safe, happy place, and this gave me this strange fixation on finding the perfect house. We were on government assistance – food stamps and welfare, with multiple roommates, many of whom were drug addicts and criminals. When I got sober in my forties, I thought: “New York is a paradise for drunks and drug addicts, but a difficult place to be sober,” and decided to move to Los Angeles, because David Lynch lives here. I bought a falling-apart castle in Beachwood Canyon, where the Hollywood sign is, and spent three years renovating it. But when I moved in, I realised pretty quickly that one single person living in a castle is absurd, so I sold it.
I started photography around the same time I started music. My uncle had been a successful commercial photographer for the New York Times and National Geographic and gave me some of his old equipment. I loved taking pictures, but now, like every professional photographer, I’m amazed but depressed by the fact that you can take an amazing picture with your phone that doesn’t involve film and dark rooms, and everything I learned has been thrown out the window.
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There’s almost no commercial reason to make new music. I love being in my studio, with a blank slate, thinking, “I’m going to make music and I don’t know what it’s going to be.” But if I look on Spotify and Apple Music, it’s very rare for anyone to be interested in middle-aged or ageing musicians’ new music. I’m thrilled that people still want to listen to some of the older music I’ve made. I can let my older songs like “Porcelain” and “Natural Blues” take care of whatever commercial side needs to be addressed, and focus on making music that I love, that most likely no one will ever listen to.
Moby’s new album ‘Future Quiet’ is out now
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