In her clinical practice, Dr. Amy Kincaid Todey, Ph.D., a child psychologist with Todey Psychology, often notices a certain (grand)parent trap. And no, there's no need to page a young Lindsay Lohan. "You love your children deeply and want them to be happy," she explains. "You pour your love, resources and energy into shaping your life around their needs, believing that this nurturance and support will help them grow into healthy, well-adjusted adults."However, your best intentions and efforts don't always (or often) lead to children who have no vices. And sometimes it's what parents and/or grandparents are doing that causes some issues for kids—now and down the line.Now, listen: no one is arguing that raising children requires a lot of energy and resources, and that attuned caregiving has long-term developmental and mental health benefits. However, is it possible to be "too nice" of a grandparent or parent? Psychologists say it is. In fact, they warn that certain "nice" gestures from parents and grandparents can actually cause anxiety in kids."Saying 'nice' things can sometimes increase—rather than ease—anxiety in kids because the adult’s discomfort often moves to the forefront ahead of the child’s distress," explains Dr. Dale Atkins, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist and author of The Turquoise Butterfly. "When children feel anxious, it is their nervous system that needs calming, and an adult’s response plays a critical role in helping that happen."Psychologists note that it's also possible to respond through actions, which can sometimes speak louder than words. As well-meaning as they are, psychologists warn that these seven nice gestures from parents and grandparents can actually cause anxiety in kids.Related: 2 ‘Gentle Parenting’ Traps a Developmental Psychologist Is Calling Out
7 ‘Nice’ Gestures from Parents and Grandparents That Can Create Anxiety in Kids, According to Psychologists
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2. Constantly fixing or rescuing
On a related note, psychologists concede that it's hard to see your child or grandchild struggle, or notice a mistake coming from a mile away and want to shield them from disappointment. Yet attempts to play hero, however well-meaning, can backfire later."Quickly solving problems, answering for the child or removing challenges is a well-intentioned attempt to reduce discomfort," Dr. Atkins says. "However, it can signal to the child that the situation—or their feelings—are too much to handle. Over time, this undermines confidence and reinforces the belief that anxiety is dangerous and must be avoided."Related: 8 Manipulative Parenting Habits That Still Affect You as an Adult, According to Psychologists
4. Over-preparing a child for every possible outcome
Taking your child to their kindergarten orientation is a great idea. However, attempting to figure out everything that could go wrong and cramming in a what-if problem-solving session three days before school starts is likely to create way more anxiety than is necessary."For a child who feels anxious, over-preparing may magnify uncertainty and feed catastrophic thinking," Dr. Atkins notes. "Instead of feeling prepared, the child may feel overwhelmed and more focused on what could go wrong."
6. Providing too many choices
Leading voices in the modern parenting zeitgeist have leaned into the idea of giving kids choices so they feel like they have some control. For instance, a parent or grandparent might say, "Do you want to leave the park now, or would you like one more trip down the slide before we head to the car?" However, it's possible to take this advice too far and cultivate worry in children."While autonomy is good, too many choices can be overwhelming for a developing brain," Dr Guarnotta notes. "It can create anxiety and decision fatigue because the child feels the weight of having to make the right choice. Children tend to feel safer and less anxious with clear and consistent boundaries."
7. Praising intelligence instead of effort
"One of the most powerful anxiety-reducing gestures is [a] calm, non-rushed presence without an agenda," Dr. Atkins shares. "This can be sitting with a child in their feeling[s] without fixing, coaching or cheering them out of it."Dr. Guarnotta echoes similar sentiments."Instead of jumping in to 'fix' it, you allow the child to process the problem with you and talk it through," she suggests. "You validate their experience and communicate. 'I see that this is hard, and I am not afraid of your big feelings. I am right here with you.'"She loves that this gesture builds emotional intelligence and resilience."It also teaches children that emotions are temporary waves that they can overcome," she notes.So, fight the urge to say, "You're OK," the next time your child or grandchild is upset."Instead, narrate what you are seeing and offer support," Dr. Guarnotta states. "You could say, 'I see that you're really nervous about your test tomorrow. That makes sense.' Make sure you take your own deep breaths to calm your nervous system, which will, in turn, help settle theirs." Up Next:
Related: Child Psychologists Are Begging Parents and Grandparents to Never Turn a Blind Eye to These 10 Responses
Sources:
Dr. Amy Kincaid Todey, Ph.D., is a child psychologist with Todey Psychology.Dr. Dale Atkins, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist and author of The Turquoise Butterfly.Dr. Emily Guarnotta, Psy.D., PMH-C, is a psychologist and owner of Phoenix Health.Hence then, the article about psychologists warn these 7 nice gestures from parents and grandparents actually create anxiety in kids was published today ( ) and is available on Parade ( Saudi Arabia ) The editorial team at PressBee has edited and verified it, and it may have been modified, fully republished, or quoted. You can read and follow the updates of this news or article from its original source.
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