Jill Duggar opened up about her journey from reality TV to motherhood in a candid interview with her husband, Derick Dillard.
“I would say I’m a lot stronger now as a person and an individual,” Jill, 34, said on the Wednesday, January 21, of her sister Jinger Duggar‘s podcast with Jeremy Vuolo.
Jill admitted that she still hasn’t “arrived” fully in life yet, but she’s “on a path toward growth” despite facing some big challenges.
“I feel like the older you get, though, and the more life you’ve lived, it’s kind of [like] you have hope with some apprehension. … When you’re young and carefree — not that we’re old — but when you’ve lived life and life throws hard things at you, you can live with hope for the future, but some apprehension,” she continued.
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During the vulnerable conversation, Jill briefly referenced her brother Josh Duggar‘s 2021 trial for charges of receiving and possessing child sexual abuse material. He was sentenced to more than 12 years in prison after being found guilty.
Jill and Derick, 36, also opened up about facing hardship throughout their marriage due to his career as a lawyer and the loss of their stillborn daughter, Isla. (The couple tied the knot in 2014 and share three sons.)
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Josh’s Trial
“We did the whole law school thing together as a family … a crazy season for the entire Duggar family, as well, that was a very interesting parallel to the career [Derick] ended up jumping into,” Jill said.
Derick added, “On a professional note, it was very informative to go to Josh’s trial.”
Josh Duggar Washington County Sheriff’s Office via Getty ImagesWhile Jill admitted “it’s always awkward to talk about that” time in their lives, Jeremy reminded her that it’s a “real” part of their family’s story.
Their ‘Worst’ Chapter
“It reached a fever pitch last December, it was probably, like, our worst month in our family’s history,” Derick recalled while looking back on his decision to step away from law. “And Jill was like, ‘Hey, something’s got to change.’ We had a lot going on with the [pregnancy] loss we had experienced earlier last year.”
Jill went on to explain, “Derick finished law school. He graduated, became a lawyer, and was working full time in Oklahoma. His commute time was really long and hard on top of the hours that he was putting in at work and bringing cases home to work on and all of that. … So that added to just the overall stress.”
Derick added that the work he was doing was “very rewarding,” but the long hours and commute wasn’t always sustainable.
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Grieving Jill’s Pregnancy Loss
The couple reflected on losing their stillborn daughter, Isla, in early 2024. “It was difficult and I couldn’t take off like that much time because we had a lot going on that I had been the one to prepare for. Someone just can’t come in and step in,” Derick explained. “And I just kind of kept on going. And we were both grieving, but in different ways.”
Jill recalled feeling sick throughout her first trimester while expecting Isla, and she had “just started feeling better” before suffering the loss.
“I think [there’s] a natural tendency to throw yourself into the only thing that you can control … and I’ve heard that for people in general, any time you’re in turmoil or loss or whatever, trying to control the one thing that you can’t,” Jill said of her husband’s focus on work.
Jill Duggar and Derick Dillard Courtesy Jill Duggar/InstagramJill acknowledged that Derick was “trying [his] best” to navigate all his responsibilities. “But all that to say, it got to where I would be calling him at work and just a couple of times … be like, ‘Babe, I need help. I need you to talk to the boys about this or that,'” she added. “And he would take a minute if he could. But I also was like, ‘I’ve waited to call until now because I know that you’re at work.'”
Things became so overwhelming that Jill was “crying every single day,” and Derick felt “torn” between his job and his family.
Why Derick Left His Law Job
The pair’s challenging time led to Derick taking a step back from his law career. “We made the decision together,” Derick explained.
Jill chimed in to add, “We were realizing, like, not just with the loss of Isla, but also just our family goals and where we were headed as a family … this has been our goal all along to be intentional with our kids. And so we were realizing, like, this is God directing us in this way to step away from this job. It’ll always be there.”
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The couple tried reaching out to their therapist — with Jill noting that she and Derick have found counseling helpful “at different points in our marriage” — but scheduling appointments was a challenge.
“I feel like by this point, we’d been married long enough, like, 11 and a half years, to know what the problem is and try to address it. Whereas we might have not been to that point 10 years ago or something,” Derick added.
Derick’s Relationship With His Dad
Derick admitted that he “didn’t always have the best relationship” with his late father, but he’s never “regretted anything” that happened between them.
“I don’t regret the things that I did or said because they needed to be done or said,” he explained. “Like, if I was having a tough conversation with my child, like, they might be upset at me and … they would rather me take them to get ice cream, but I wouldn’t regret having taken the time to have a hard conversation versus taking them to get ice cream.”
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