It's the season of giving, but you likely don't want to be on the receiving end of emotional manipulation during the holidays. This form of manipulation occurs when someone tries to influence your feelings, decisions or actions through guilt, fear or other subtle tactics rather than just talking it out like a grown-up, explains Dr. Holly Schiff, Psy.D., a licensed clinical psychologist. Emotional manipulation can become more common during the holidays—and cut deeper."Emotional manipulation becomes amplified during the holidays because families are navigating heightened expectations, traditions and long-standing dynamics," she explains. "The desire to keep the peace can make people more vulnerable to bending their boundaries."Familiarizing yourself with common signs you're being emotionally manipulated during the holidays can help you protect your peace. Psychologists share red flags of emotional manipulation during this festive time of year, and how to respond.Related: If You Always Feel Like the Family Peacekeeper, Psychologists Say You Might Have These 2 Main Traits
8 Signs of Emotional Manipulation During the Holidays, Psychologists Warn
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2. Guilt-tripping
You don't need to go over the river and through the woods to experience this kind of trip. However, it can leave you feeling like you got run over by a reindeer when someone guilt-trips you, especially if you previously felt good about a choice."For example, you may have decided to visit your mother on Christmas Day and looked forward to the plan, but by the time you leave your mother's home, you feel guilty for not going on Christmas Eve, too," shares Dr. Deborah Vinall, Psy.D., LMFT, the chief psychological officer with Recovered.org. "If your guilt comes from passive-aggressive comments about her loneliness and how you clearly don't really care, you've been emotionally manipulated."The comments are often subtle, so awareness is key. Dr. Stefanie Mazer, Psy.D., a psychologist, says some common guilt-tripping phrases around the holidays include, "After everything I've done for you…" or "You never help me…"
4. Creating chaos or drama
The drama is best left to Hallmark movies and kiddie pageants, but people who are emotionally manipulating you during the holidays often miss the memo."Some people start arguments or create tension to get attention or control over a situation," Dr. Mazer reveals. "This can pull your focus away from what you wanted to do. You may feel worn out or stressed after being around them. Pay attention if gatherings or plans often feel unpredictable and exhausting because of their actions."Related: If Holiday Visits Leave You Drained, These 10 ‘Emotionally Intelligent’ Boundaries Help—Especially for Women Over 50
6. Withholding affection or attention
Not every interaction this time of year is going to feel warm and fuzzy. Still, it's a time to connect and express love and gratitude for one another. Yet, some people in your life may do anything but. Dr. Mazer says people who are emotionally manipulating you during the holidays (or, frankly, any time) might stop talking to you, ignore you or act colder than an icicle in the North Pole when things don't go their way."This can make you afraid of upsetting them or losing their approval," she states. "It's a way to control your actions by making you feel like you need to earn their love. Notice if their warmth feels like it depends on what you do."
8. Your decisions are driven by fear and anxiety
Dr. Vinall shares that it's important to check in with why you're doing something. Is it out of love and joy—or fear and anxiety? If the answer is primarily the latter, consider that you might be experiencing emotional manipulation."Perhaps you want to go to a holiday event, but your partner or adult child suggests they will harm themself if you do not stay home with them—a frequent threat that has never been acted upon, but leaves you afraid they might," she shares. "This pattern demonstrates coercive behavior that uses your emotions as weapons to control you."Related: Psychologists Say These 12 ‘Nice’ Habits Actually Cause More Holiday Stress
2. Ground yourself before responding
Dr. Schiff warns that emotional manipulators want to get a rise out of you, especially during a charged time like the holidays. Try to avoid giving them such a "gift.""Ground yourself before responding, and don't get pulled into the emotional whirlwind and take the emotional bait," she advises. "Respond to the content, not the drama. To stay in control of your decisions, pause and take a breath before you respond. When you do, use neutral language."
4. Limit contact when necessary
As hard as it is, you may be better off taking a step back to protect yourself."If someone causes you stress, it's okay to spend less time with them or decide to spend no time with them at all," Dr. Mazer shares. "Don't feel obligated to be around someone you don't want to be around just because it's the holidays. This makes it easier to enjoy the season without feeling worn out."Up Next:
Related: 12 Emotionally Intelligent Ways To Handle Passive-Aggressive Comments at Holiday Gatherings
Sources:
Dr. Holly Schiff, Psy.D., licensed clinical psychologistDr. Deborah Vinall, Psy.D., LMFT, chief psychological officer with Recovered.orgDr. Stefanie Mazer, Psy.D., psychologistHence then, the article about 8 signs you re being emotionally manipulated during the holidays according to psychologists was published today ( ) and is available on Parade ( Saudi Arabia ) The editorial team at PressBee has edited and verified it, and it may have been modified, fully republished, or quoted. You can read and follow the updates of this news or article from its original source.
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