Boomers are people born between 1948 and 1964. They were born after World War II, explains Dr. Michele Goldman, Ph.D., a psychologist and Hope for Depression Research Foundation media advisor."This generation receives their name based on the ‘baby boom’ that occurred once soldiers returned home and birth rates significantly increased," Dr. Goldman says. "We tend to think of Boomers as specific to the U.S. because that is where the term originated, but there were increases in birth rates in many other countries as well, making Boomers a worldwide phenomenon."In the U.S., she says Boomers were raised under certain norms, such as:
Strong work ethicRespect for authority and older generationsHonoring commitments TimelinessPride in appearance and image, including proper etiquetteCommitment to traditional values, such as conventional, heteronormative valuesWhat Is Gaslighting?
"Gaslighting is an insidious form of emotional abuse designed to erode trust in your senses and intuition with the aim of psychological control and manipulation," says Dr. Deborah Vinall, Psy.D., LMFT, the chief psychological officer with Recovered.org. "It may take the form of denial of facts that are plain to see, clinging to ridiculous stories and overwhelming you with a firehose of lies."That definition may seem harsher than expected, especially if you've seen the term used repeatedly on social media. Psychologists say that gaslighting has been misused as it becomes more prevalent on the internet."[It] is being used colloquially as a way of saying, 'Stop telling me how I feel is invalid,'" Dr. Goldman notes. "While being emotionally invalidated is wrong, one-off instances of being invalidated are not equivalent to true gaslighting. True gaslighting is a repetitive behavior that leads people to be unaware of their reality or unaware of their emotions."Related: The #1 Thing Baby Boomers Bring Up in Therapy, According to Licensed Therapists
10 Common Gaslighting Habits of Boomers, According to Psychologists
2. A 'work-harder' mindset
This one can overlap with the "never quit" mantra."One of the hallmark values of the Boomer generation is their hard work and dedication," Dr. Goldman explains. "When younger generations do not have that same mindset, Boomers often judge and negatively evaluate the person as 'lazy' or lacking ambition."However, says that repeatedly telling a younger person that they'll reach their goals if they work harder is often gaslighting."Someone can start to have negative beliefs about themselves, feel that their choices are incorrect and that they should be doing things differently," she says. "That is a subtle form of manipulation if heard over time and can impact someone’s relationship with self."
4. Stigmatizing mental health
Dr. Goldman emphasizes that this is an unfortunate product of the norms of Boomers' childhoods—and it harms them too. "Boomers were not intending to ignore mental health, but it was simply not discussed or considered," she explains. "There was no such concept as a work-life balance, which many younger generations strive to obtain."Younger generations are flipping the script and breaking the stigma about mental health."This discrepancy between generations might lead to many invalidating comments from Boomers, such as, 'I was never happy, but I just kept going,'" Dr. Vinall explains. "These types of comments can be perceived as invalidating and harmful, especially if heard over time." Related: 7 Signs of ‘High-Functioning Depression,’ According to a Columbia-Trained Psychiatrist
6. Romanticizing the past
Some Boomers may not want to rewrite history because they adore talking about how spectacular it was. These conversations often have a wistful-meets-shaming tone."Boomers often romanticize the past with lines such as, 'Back in my day,'" Dr. Vinall points out. "Such comparisons fail to account for or recognize the complex ways the world, mores and economy have shifted, making their experiences apples-to-oranges comparisons that gaslight your lived experience of today's challenges."Related: 8 Things Most Boomers Experienced as Kids That Made Them More Resilient Than Other Generations, Psychologists Say
8. Misery Olympics
They say misery loves company. Yet, some Boomers want the gold-medal spot on the Misery Olympics podium all to themselves. They may imply or directly say, "I had it worse," to every complaint from a younger person."Boomers tend to compare their upbringing to that of younger generations, with the implication that their struggles were more challenging or worse," Dr. Goldman says. "While they might not say it directly—though some boomers will—they are invalidating the struggles younger generations face today."She notes that it can veer into these Boomer habits, which becomes gaslighting when folks in younger generations repeatedly walk away from these interactions feeling that their emotions are not valid.Related: 10 Ways To Become Someone Who Avoids Negativity, According to Psychologists
10. Sweeping generalizations
No generation wants to feel boxed into stereotypes, especially engaging ones (hence the disclaimers in this story). However, psychologists note that Boomers may also engage in these generalizations."[It] is a common refrain of older folks who lump entire generations under one negative stereotype," Dr. Vinall notes. "It discounts and denies the rich variety of lived experiences... creating emotional distance."Related: 7 Ways To Stay Close With Adult Children Without Being Overbearing
When do I most often engage in this type of behavior? What triggers me to make comments or behave in a certain way? Even though I might not intend to be harmful, do I understand the impact my behaviors have on others? Why do I want to change this behavior?
2. Start small
So many of these habits are deep-seated and the product of long-held cultural norms. They can take a while to break, and Dr. Goldman shares that it's essential to start small and set specific goals for change."Do not make a goal, 'I will stop all invalidating comments,' because that is very difficult to do," she emphasizes. "Instead, make a goal, 'I will no longer invalidate my daughter around her choices to quit her job.'"Related: 18 Phrases To Use With Your Adult Kids That Will Transform Your Relationship, According to Psychologists
4. Practice listening
As the experienced elder in the room, it's tempting to try to drop knowledge left and right. As well-meaning as it is, Dr. Vinall shares that Boomers can make significant impacts by listening before they talk. "While you have a wealth of lived experience and stories to share, balance it with listening to the insights of younger generations, as well, recognizing that they, too, have valuable insights to share," she explains.Related: The One Simple Step To Take for a Better Relationship with Your Adult Kids, According to Psychologists
5. Ask for help or feedback
Related: 8 Habits To Start With Your Adult Kids That Will Transform Your Relationship, According to Psychologists
Sources:
"Millennials overtake Baby Boomers as America’s largest generation." Pew Research.Dr. Holly Schiff, Psy.D., is a licensed clinical psychologist.Dr. Michele Goldman, Ph.D., is a psychologist and Hope for Depression Research Foundation media advisor.Dr. Deborah Vinall, Psy.D., LMFT, is the chief psychological officer with Recovered.org.Hence then, the article about 10 old school boomer habits that can come across as gaslighting according to psychologists was published today ( ) and is available on Parade ( Saudi Arabia ) The editorial team at PressBee has edited and verified it, and it may have been modified, fully republished, or quoted. You can read and follow the updates of this news or article from its original source.
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