The "often invisible" relationship behavior we're referring to is blame-shifting. And Dr. Mazer warns that even though blame-shifting often goes unnoticed, it is still detrimental to relationships long-term."Blame-shifting is when someone avoids taking responsibility by placing the fault on another person," she explains. "Blame-shifting rewrites the story of each conflict, so partners end up with two different 'truths' and no shared ground to fix things."This behavior can create a breeding ground for negative emotions and erode trust, which is a critical foundation of authentic relationships."It drains the blamed partner, who spends energy defending their reaction instead of addressing the original problem, which breeds fatigue and quiet anger," she says. "Safety erodes because the blamed partner can’t trust that concerns will be heard without being flipped back on them, and they start to speak less or shut down."Related: 10 Manipulative Tactics Straight Out of a Gaslighter’s Playbook, According to Psychologists
Common Signs of Blame-Shifting
Blame-shifting can come in a handful of forms, Dr. Mazer says. The five most common types of blame-shifting are below.
2. Whataboutism
Dr. Mazer shares that this is a complex-sounding term for instances when someone consistently blame-shifts by bringing up your past mistakes to dodge an issue. They'll often engage in this behavior with phrases that start with, "What about when you..." Even if they bring up something that really did happen and you were in the wrong, this is a way to, again, deflect from the topic at hand.
4. Victim reversal
Think lines like "You made me do it," which Dr. Mazer explains flips roles and makes you incorrectly responsible for their choice.
5. Scapegoating
How To Respond to Blame-Shifting
When figuring out how to deal with blame-shifting, it's good to start off by owning your share (even if it's small), Dr. Mazer says. Now, this one can be challenging, especially if the blame-shifter is putting outsized responsibility on you. However, she says it's a critical step."This lowers defensiveness and keeps the focus on solutions instead of a tug-of-war," she explains. "I recommend it because accountability kills the urge to deflect and builds trust fast."To take ownership of your part, Dr. Mazer advises stating what you did, the effect it had and what you'll do differently next time. Try something like, "I yelled, and it made you upset and escalated the situation. Next time, I'll take a breath before responding."
"The deadline was Friday." (What happened.)"I felt stressed." (How it landed.)"Let's set midweek check-ins." (What you want.)
Also, it can help to learn to pause before saying anything at all. "A short break gives you space to think clearly instead of shifting blame," Dr. Mazer says.Up Next:
Related: People Who Constantly Interrupt Others Usually Struggle With These 9 Deeper Issues, Psychologists Say
Source:
Dr. Stefanie Mazer, Psy.D, is a psychologist in Wellington, FL.Hence then, the article about this often invisible behavior is detrimental to relationships long term was published today ( ) and is available on Parade ( Saudi Arabia ) The editorial team at PressBee has edited and verified it, and it may have been modified, fully republished, or quoted. You can read and follow the updates of this news or article from its original source.
Read More Details
Finally We wish PressBee provided you with enough information of ( This 'Often Invisible' Behavior Is Detrimental to Relationships Long Term )
Also on site :