The Mental Health Myth Parents and Grandparents Should Stop Believing, a Psychotherapist Warns
"There is this myth in parenting that goes something like this:'If I set firm boundaries, say no, punish bad behavior or if my child gets upset, I’m traumatizing them,'" Nucci tells Parade. "While the desire to not traumatize your child is sensible, some people take it too far when they don’t understand exactly what trauma is and what it isn’t."In his book, Psychobabble, he calls this out directly."Disciplining your children doesn’t cause trauma," he continues. "It’s important to note that I am talking about discipline in its broadest sense and this should not be confused with commentary on physical discipline."He adds, "It’s often the case that when working through conflict or emotional discomfort, teenagers and children may accuse their parents of traumatizing them. While there are some parents out there who do things that result in their children having trauma, there's a big difference between trauma and regular hardship in conflict. The latter can actually be very healthy."Related: A Clinical Psychologist Is Begging Parents and Grandparents To Stop Making This Punishment Mistake
What Parents and Grandparents Should Realize Instead
"Over time, different mental health term’s definitions have expanded," Nucci says. "This is what the researcher Nick Haslam calls 'concept creep.' We say 'depression' to mean that we're feeling 'sad' or 'unmotivated.' We say we're 'anxious' to mean we're feeling 'nervous' or 'self-conscious.' The truth is that there is a difference between a clinical mental health concern and a universal human emotional experience."
"Trauma is real, but that doesn’t mean that everyone has trauma," he explains. "We are often confusing 'trauma' with 'hardship' or 'stress.' Furthermore, we think that just because trauma is subjective means it’s universal. Trauma is subjective in the sense that two people get into the same car accident, one might develop a trauma response and one might not. Two children grew up in the same home and one will develop mental health problems and the other one won't. What happens is we make the mistake of thinking that just because we can develop trauma responses to anything (including an imperfect parenting style) that means we will have trauma. This is simply not the case."Related: People With Unresolved Childhood Trauma Often Develop These 15 Traits as Adults, a Psychologist Says
2. “Hurt people hurt people.”
"This is sometimes true, but often not," Nucci says. "The reality is we all get hurt, but not all of us turn around and hurt others. It’s important to have compassion for those who have been hurt and forgive those who hurt others because they have not healed. But it is also important to not excuse poor behavior. We can have empathy for others and standards for how we expect to be treated."
4. “Using Therapy-Speak Makes You Emotionally Intelligent.”
"Learning about psychology and mental health can be intellectually fulfilling and even useful when it comes to improving your emotional capacity and relationships," Nucci begins. "Having said that, being emotionally intelligent is not the same thing as simply using the words that therapists sometimes use. In fact, people will often get very annoyed if they feel like you're analyzing them or trying to win an argument by invoking psychology. Whenever you can, use your knowledge of psychology to navigate the situation without the words. Show, do not tell."
6 Ways Parents and Grandparents Can Better Support a Child's Mental Health
Nucci shares the following ways parents and grandparents can help support their child or grandchild's mental health:
Validate feelings without reinforcing the idea that feelings are always “true.” Normalize conflict and repair.Ask if they want support or advice. Help them distinguish between mental illness and regular problems of living. If they want to go to therapy, take them.Remember, you can be feelings‑oriented without being permissive. “Gentle” and “warm” in tone does not mean “boundary‑free” and letting them do whatever they want. Practice holding compassion and structure at once. Kids aren’t made “soft” by expressing feelings or having their feelings respected. They’re made fragile when adults consistently remove every discomfort instead of supporting through it or when children are forced to unnecessarily suppress.Related: 6 Compliments a Child Psychologist Is Begging Parents and Grandparents To Stop Saying
Source:
Joe Nucci, LPC, (@joenuccitherapy), psychotherapist and author of PsychobabbleHence then, the article about a psychotherapist is begging parents and grandparents to stop believing this mental health myth was published today ( ) and is available on Parade ( Saudi Arabia ) The editorial team at PressBee has edited and verified it, and it may have been modified, fully republished, or quoted. You can read and follow the updates of this news or article from its original source.
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