Dr. Hafeez advises against sharing private thoughts, such as, "Wow, she looks like she’s gained weight." "This is unnecessary and can hurt someone's feelings," she says.Even if the person isn't in earshot, the comment can still reach them. Another psychologist agrees that it's simply best to filter overly harsh remarks like this one—by keeping them to yourself."There is no need to share a judgment of yours about someone's appearance," stresses Dr. Holly Schiff, Psy.D., a licensed clinical psychologist. "Sharing this serves no purpose other than to potentially hurt or embarrass them. Keeping them private shows respect and kindness. Not to mention, these thoughts are often fleeting and don't help relationships."Related: 5 Things Classy People Never, Ever Reveal About Themselves in Public, According to an Etiquette Expert
2. “My ex was way better at this than you.”
File this one "unedited" and "unnecessary" right alongside weight-related commentary. Like those critiques, this private thought should remain in your head."This comment can come across as cruel and inappropriate in almost every social setting," Dr. Hafeez emphasizes.The baby may not side-eye or shut you out, but another psychologist agrees that unfiltered thoughts like this one won't make you many—or any—adult friends."Sharing your unedited opinion, which will likely feel like a criticism, has the potential to damage relationships and distance people from you," says Dr. Jan Miller, Ph.D., a psychologist with Thriveworks. "It may be better for you to examine where these critical opinions come from."For instance, maybe you grew up in a home where adults were hyper-fixated on looks.
4. “They probably can’t afford this place.”
Understandably, you may have this thought, such as if an in-law repeatedly oversteps boundaries by showing up at your house unannounced or critiquing your limits on sweets. However, Dr. Hafeez shares that speaking this private thought into existence in this precise way can cause rifts in relationships.More generally, Dr. Miller advises against sharing thoughts that pop into your head when you're feeling emotionally raw."These types of thoughts are often powerful and could be easily misunderstood," she explains. "It is better to process your emotions and discern how you’d like to communicate this thought."
6. "I make way more money than you."
Again, it's not always the intent behind the thought (concern for a friend). It's the way it's conveyed. In this instance, Dr. Hafeez warns that the thought comes across as "harsh and unhelpful.""It rarely goes over well," Dr. Hafeez reports.Dr. Schiff isn't a fan of sharing negative and overly harsh opinions, such as this one."Saying this can put a strain on the relationship, and voicing this personal thought won't lead to change, but more likely defensiveness and resentment," she explains.Related: 7 Phrases That Subtly Suggest Someone Feels Resentful, Psychologists Warn
8. "You'll never guess what I heard/what so and so told me..."
5 Tips for Developing a Filter
In a world bent on instant gratification, be the unicorn who takes a beat."This allows you to assess whether your words are helpful, kind and necessary," Dr. Schiff explains. "It gives your brain time to process your emotions and prevents saying anything impulsive that you might regret later."Related: 11 Personal Details Psychologists Say You Should Always Keep Private
2. Speak second
Consider this one a modern twist on the tried (and truly helpful) advice to journal your private thoughts."When you're feeling angry, open a fresh note and type out the exact words you want to say," Dr. Hafeez suggests. "This will help get it off your chest without hurting the other person's feelings."Still hurt several hours later?"You can have a conversation with the person, but you will most likely say it in a better tone since you allowed yourself some time to think about your delivery," Dr. Hafeez notes (no pun intended).
4. Rate your anger on a scale of 1 to 10
The higher the number, the more you could benefit from pausing and reflecting before responding."If you’re above a 6, don’t answer yet," Dr. Hafeez says. "Strong emotions can alter judgment. It's better to cool off first, as this prevents over-sharing or saying something harsh."
5. Practice empathy
Up Next:
Related: 9 Things You Should Always Keep to Yourself, According to Psychologists
Sources:
Dr. Sanam Hafeez, Psy.D., a neuropsychologist and director of Comprehend the MindDr. Holly Schiff, Psy.D., a licensed clinical psychologistDr. Jan Miller, Ph.D., a psychologist with ThriveworksHence then, the article about 8 private thoughts psychologists warn you should always keep to yourself and why was published today ( ) and is available on Parade ( Saudi Arabia ) The editorial team at PressBee has edited and verified it, and it may have been modified, fully republished, or quoted. You can read and follow the updates of this news or article from its original source.
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