Although you might mean well with this statement, it actually comes off as emotionally invalidating. "Dismissing a child's feelings and moving on shuts down an important opportunity to support them and help reduce their fear of failure," Dr. Young explains. "It also may create the idea in the child's mind that they don't have the right to feel the way that they do.
2. "What could you do differently next time?"
Both Dr. Young and Dr. Keough agree that this phrase can do more harm than good. On the surface, it sounds positive. But they both say it can unintentionally reinforce a fixed mindset—the belief that intelligence is innate and unchangeable."Studies show that children who have been praised more for their intelligence tend to avoid things that make them feel 'not smart,' like challenging or new tasks, and they give up more quickly when they don’t succeed," Dr. Keough explains. "Instead of telling a child how smart, gifted or talented they are, adults can support a child’s development by using effort-based praise."Instead, she recommends trying phrases like, "Great job working so hard to put that puzzle together!" or "I love seeing you put in the hard work to memorize your spelling words. You earned that grade!" This helps children develop a growth mindset, which reiterates that effort matters and abilities can grow over time. Dr. Young adds that this also encourages persistence.
4. "You don't have to try if you're scared or nervous."
According to Dr. Keough, when children are at a young, impressionable age, they don't have a lot of control over their emotions yet. It's easy to dismiss emotions if they seem over the top to you, but this can actually do more harm in the long run."Telling a child how they should (or shouldn't) feel can hurt a child's emotional development if it happens a lot," she explains. "It can also backfire and lead to further emotional disregulation."Instead, parents can communicate that they understand and accept what their child is feeling by using phrases like, "I get it. You're feeling disappointed that you can't have a playdate today." This supports healthy emotional development and helps a child feel heard.Related: Why Apologizing to Your Kids Is Important—Plus, Therapists Explain How To Do It Effectively
6. "Let me do that for you. I can do it more quickly and easily."
While this might seem like a statement that motivates a child to behave better, Dr. Keough says that comparing your children can harm a child's social and emotional development."Rather than motivating your child, [it] can lead to jealousy, competitiveness and shame," she says. "Over time, this can negatively impact a child's self-esteem and create sibling rivalry."As an alternative, she suggests focusing on your child's individual goals. Using things like chore charts or visual reminders to help them stay on track and celebrate their wins. This way, no comparisons are needed.Related: 5 Phrases a Child Psychologist Is Begging Parents and Grandparents To Stop Saying
8. "Practice makes perfect."
9. [Saying nothing.]
Dr. Young states that what you don't say can also have a negative impact on a child's development."For example, during a conversation, your child might say they were upset at school," she explains. "If you don't acknowledge their emotions—or change the subject to avoid upsetting them further—it can have the opposite effect of what you intended."She also shares that research suggests that when parents ask things like, "How were you feeling when that happened?” and validate the response with "It's okay to feel upset" (without judgment), it shows the child it’s normal to express emotions. "It also communicates that their problems matter—because they matter to them," she further explains.Up Next:
Related: If You Were Called These 9 Words as a Child, You Were Likely Raised by Emotionally Immature Parents
Sources:
Dr. Jessica Young, PhD, is a principal research scientist and licensed developmental psychologist.Dr. Kathryn Keough, PhD, is a licensed psychologist at the Child Mind InstituteHence then, the article about child psychologists say these 9 phrases are doing more harm than good even if you mean well was published today ( ) and is available on Parade ( Saudi Arabia ) The editorial team at PressBee has edited and verified it, and it may have been modified, fully republished, or quoted. You can read and follow the updates of this news or article from its original source.
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