Essay by Alisyn Camerota, CNN (CNN) — It’s almost impossible to know what to say to someone in the throes of grief. We all want to say something comforting. Very few of us know what that is. I’ve learned this the hard way. My beloved husband of 23 years died at the end of July, two years after being diagnosed with stage IV pancreatic cancer. Since then, I’ve seen friends and neighbors struggle for the right words, and I’ve been surprised by how even the kindest questions can set me off. There’s no one right answer, of course. What is helpful for me may not work for someone else, and words that I find off-putting may be the perfect balm for another person. Still, trading notes with a f
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