We’ve all been there: You’re having a conversation with someone, everything seems fine, and then out of nowhere, the other person whips out a rude comment. Whether it’s a nasty sentiment about you, something crass about another person or even an offensive or discriminatory statement, hearing something rude can make you panic or freeze up, unsure of the best way to respond.
That said, there are some people who remain pretty calm in these situations—and that’s because they know how to respond. To learn more, we spoke with Dr. Heather Z. Lyons, PhD, a licensed psychologist with The Baltimore Therapy Group in Maryland and Washington, D.C.
According to Dr. Lyons, there’s one phrase that “high-class” people use to respond to rude comments that works expertly at getting the ill-mannered person to reconsider what they’ve just said. And it’s a fantastic response to keep in your back pocket, especially for those times you’re expecting to have to interact with impolite people.
When it comes to the term “high-class,” she also points out that she’s simply “thinking about composed and confident responses,” and that “someone from any social class can respond in ways that are or are not polished in these ways.”
She also adds that “the type of relationship you have with the person making a rude comment will matter” when it comes to how you respond to a rude comment.
“When you have a close relationship with someone, more curiosity and intimacy are warranted in the response than with a stranger,” she states.
In other words, don’t follow Dr. Lyons’ advice blindly—use your judgment, especially when interacting with strangers.
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A Psychologist Says This Phrase Is How ‘High-Class’ People Respond to Rude Comments
The phrase Dr. Lyons says high-class people respond to rude comments with is “I’m not sure I understand”—but it must be delivered in a “curious or matter-of-fact way.”
“This statement allows for the possibility that the rude comment was a mistake,” she explains.
It also “gives the person a chance to save face by giving them a chance to reconsider their response.”
She adds that a “high-class” response like this can be “disarming because it turns down the volume without showing fear.”
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What’s More Important Than What You Say Is How You Say It
“In general, the way someone responds might be more important than what they say,” Dr. Lyons says.
“The way someone responds goes a long way in communicating a belief in their value,” she explains. “When you believe in your value, you don’t need to use a lot of words or spend a lot of time proving yourself. You’ll be less likely to get triggered by someone’s response to you because you’re grounded in your worth.”
A few tricks can also help make it clear that you are steady and confident, such as speaking slowly, making eye contact and pausing before speaking, per Dr. Lyons.
“Slowing the conversation down to avoid escalation and making eye contact can communicate that you have control over yourself and the situation,” she explains. “It shows you won’t be riled [up]. It might even show that you’re used to difficult situations working out in your favor.”
But most importantly, she says to always “take a beat before responding. Giving yourself time to think before responding helps you avoid getting provoked into a knee-jerk reaction you’ll regret, like causing a scene.”
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3 Other ‘High-Class’ Phrases for Responding to Rude Comments
1. “What did you mean by that?”
Similar to “I’m not sure I understand,” asking your conversation partner, “What did you mean by that?” with curiosity gives them a chance to explain themselves, and perhaps even reevaluate their response and say something kinder the second time around.
2. “I’ll have to think about that”
“If you don’t want to invite further conversation, you might say something like ‘I’ll have to think about that,'” notes Dr. Lyons.
From there, she suggests that you “physically orient yourself away from the person to hit home the idea that the interaction has ended.”
3. “Interesting”
If you want to dismiss the other person, an even simpler option than saying, “I’ll have to think about that,” is just saying, “Interesting,” and then turning away. You haven’t said anything rude, but you’ve made it clear that you don’t want to speak anymore.
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How Not To Respond to Rude Comments
“Ineffective, but common, ways of responding to rude comments include cowering or escalating the encounter,” explains Dr. Lyons. “Raising your voice, getting defensive, taking offense without truly understanding what the other person means will ensure that whatever response follows will be ineffective.”
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Final Takeaways:
Overall, if you want to keep the conversation simple, always remember that “hostility tends to create more hostility,” Dr. Lyons states.
“I’m not sure I understand.” This phrase is the best “high-class” way to respond to an impolite comment. How you speak is more important than what you say. Responding to rude comments genuinely or with curiosity can take you far. Curiosity isn’t vital. If you want to end the conversation, you can just say “Interesting,” and turn away.Up Next:
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Dr. Heather Z. Lyons, PhD, is a licensed psychologist with The Baltimore Therapy Group.Hence then, the article about this phrase is how high class people respond to rude comments psychologist explains was published today ( ) and is available on Parade ( Saudi Arabia ) The editorial team at PressBee has edited and verified it, and it may have been modified, fully republished, or quoted. You can read and follow the updates of this news or article from its original source.
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