Mauricio Pochettino would be another boneheaded move by Man Utd ...Middle East

Farewell, Michael Carrick. You were never really good enough and even less likely to survive Manchester United sacking season. Carrick is the fifth permanent post-Fergie United manager to leave the club between 28 October and 5 January, which is definitely a signifier of a smart, sensible, sleek machine doing all of the right things.

The timing is perfect, of course. Two days after professional shouting-dolt-for-hire Rio Ferdinand had declared that it was “Carrick time!!!!!!!” following a comeback against Aston Villa. A week after a Champions League win in adversity.

A fortnight after United’s hierarchy backed Carrick to turn it around. And at least two months after it became clear that was never going to happen. Good process, guys.

Over recent days, Mauricio Pochettino has moved closer towards Old Trafford, certainly in terms of vibe and bookmakers’ odds. That’s also perfect. Only Manchester United could wait until an international break to sack the manager and go after the only target who is employed as… an international manager. Never change, guys.

Pochettino is the ideal fit for this Manchester United, in that it’s at least seven years on from anybody being sure with any certainty that he’s still any good. So we get to have the interminable debates before, during and after his tenure. Still, the international break news cycle thanks you.

There are three types of modern Manchester United managers. You have the Fergie parking space merchants (Ryan Giggs, Ole Gunnar Solskjaer, Ruud van Nistelrooy, Carrick). You have the flavour of the month who will quickly get dragged down through dysfunction and tactical overthink (Erik ten Hag, Ruben Amorim). And you have the once king of the hill, but are we absolutely sure he’s not taking this job because he’s past his best-ers (Louis van Gaal, Jose Mourinho). Pochettino fits snugly into the last camp.

In United’s defence, they have played the long game here. It was May 2016 when Sir Alex Ferguson first met Pochettino for lunch in Mayfair and, so the story went, sounded him out for the job. Pochettino was the top target in 2018 but refused to leave Tottenham Hotspur in mid-season, leading to Solskjaer and the first interim-to-permanent move. 

United subsequently reportedly failed to negotiate Pochettino’s exit out of Paris Saint-Germain in November 2021 and decided, presumably because someone was high, that Ralf Rangnick as an interim was the correct call just so long as they made him an offer to be a consultant thereafter. 

Pochettino and Manchester United is therefore a romantic story for the ages, a tale of two star-crossed lovers whose happiness was thwarted by circumstance, fate and a bloke who got Cardiff City relegated and got sacked in the Championship. I’m just a man, standing in front of a girl, asking them to agree to a whacking pay-off somewhere down the line.

Pochettino would have been an excellent appointment a decade ago. Now his reputation is more hazy. It’s not that a coach who excelled so evidently at Tottenham has regressed significantly, although that may be true. It’s that Pochettino’s career simply turned a shade of deepest vanilla. A league title with PSG – meh. Sixth and a cup final with Chelsea – meh. The last-16 of a home World Cup with the US – meh. The bright flashes and sharp edges have gone.

And then there’s the Manchester United situation. Pochettino’s teams flourish when they press with an aggression and intensity that swarms over opponents. They also use explosive attacking full-backs to overlap and operate down the entire flank.

Welcome, Mauricio. We would like you to meet Bruno Fernandes, Youri Tielemans and Andrey Santos, two of whom signed this summer and the other is the club captain so he has to play. And here we have 31-year-old Luke Shaw and Diogo Dalot, you’ll be familiar with their work. Sorry, why are you crying? Have I said something to offend you?

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Of course, the real truth is that none of this probably matters, or at least matters as much as it should.

Manchester United is such a multilayered omnishambles that nothing might work. This is an exercise in deckchair rearrangement on an industrial scale. Every element of the club is doubted or derided by its own supporters: senior players, coaches, sporting director, recruitment, minority owner, majority owner. 

Until that culture is fixed, nothing else will be. Until the Glazers leave, happiness will always be caveated. Until United appoint proven experts in the roles that set the tone of how the club operates on a day-to-day basis, managers will operate with at least one arm tied. So good luck to whoever comes next. You’ll probably get next Christmas off.

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