To find joy in someone’s misery is not a good or admirable thing. But, viewed in a certain light, Bernadine Bluntly’s story offers much of it.
For those of you blissfully unaware of the tradwife phenomenon, a brief outline: tradwifery is the practice of following traditional, conservative, Christian norms when it comes to marriage. The wife is submissive; fertile (a baby a year appears to be the ideal and, I presume, prolapsed uteruses are what God wants); keeps an immaculate house; cooks beautiful meals for her husband and ever-growing brood; and feminine (long hair, floaty dresses, doesn’t “let herself go” even after birthing the eighth child while nursing the seventh and a sourdough starter). The husband goes out to work and comes home to dinner on the table and eats it surrounded by perfectly behaved children and a smiling spouse.
This is all showcased online, and the women who do it best can amass large and lucrative followings. High-end brands fall over themselves offering sponsorship deals in order to be associated with the glossy, aspirational content. Until very recently, Bluntly was one of those women. She had six children, a six-figure YouTube audience, and she spread the tradwife gospel with passion.
“Reject delusions,” she once posted over a video that superimposed her face over those of men performing various feats of strength at work in hard physical jobs. “Embrace gender differences.” And then, last year, she fled the family home with her children, got a restraining order against her husband, and is now divorced. Even more radically, she shared this news openly with her followers.
She now talks about her life with him and as a tradwife, and of the whole ideology as “a cage” and often a way of both hiding and enabling domestic violence. (Her husband denies all allegations of domestic violence). A video she posted as soon as her divorce came through described the power imbalance and isolation this message of female subservience as a divine edict can create, and she added: “If my past content contributed to that, I am so genuinely sorry.” Since then, she has continued to reject the tradwife phenomenon publicly online.
For those of us who have always gazed in fascinated horror at the tradwife trend, who have always believed that this particular take on good Christian practice was in essence a scam, Bluntly’s volte face is a precious addition to the increasing web of cracks appearing in the movement. She joins several other former tradwives now using their influencer status to raise awareness of what can go on behind the scenes. This is courageous and inspirational, even aspirational, content, and feminists everywhere should celebrate it.
But there is even greater hope to be drawn from Bluntly and co’s defections, which is that the tradwives are not alone in turning against Christian belief in this form, and with it the Maga movement that put and keeps Trump in presidential place. There are, for example, the MAHA (Make America Healthy Again) Moms. They comprise largely of women (many of whom previously voted Democrat) who voted red because of Trump’s pledge to address their concerns about pesticides and toxins in the environment. Now – especially after his executive order to increase production of glyphosate, a weedkiller and possible carcinogenic that has been the subject of many lawsuits – they are turning against him.
There are numerous Magamaxxing women who were once closely allied with Trump, like Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene. Before she resigned, Greene had challenged the US government over its lack of regulation of big tech companies and lack of healthcare for low-income families during the shutdown and called for full release of the Epstein files. “I refuse to be a ‘battered wife’ hoping it all goes away and gets better,” she said in her resignation statement. “If I am cast aside by Maga Inc and replaced by Neocons, Big Pharma, Big Tech, Military Industrial War Complex, foreign leaders, and the elite donor class that can’t even relate to real Americans, then many common Americans have been cast aside and replaced as well.”
That defection – and the ousting of many other female Maga loyalists, often after they too objected to the treatment of the Epstein files – adds to the growing dissatisfaction amongst the Christian (especially young, vocal and online) women upon whose support the Trumpian project leans.
Protection of a known paedophile’s associates is, for some reason, not playing well at large. Then there is the nosediving economy, which always, always disproportionately affects women, especially those with children. It is also possible that there is some unease with the rolling back of reproductive rights. Or, if not those particular rights themselves, with the ease and rapidity with which it was done. More certainly, there is disapproval of Trump’s war with Iran.
I think I must correct myself: I am not finding joy in others’ misery. I am finding hope. I think scales are falling faster and faster from women’s eyes and that the midterm elections are looking increasingly bad for a dangerous, dangerous man. There is still work to do, of course. Conservative Christian influencer Savanna Stone believes in “one vote per household” (going to the man, of course), and nothing is beyond Trump’s reach, especially if desperation takes hold. But Stone has also said more recently that “we [she and women like her] are not really identifying with the Maga party any more.” Cracks upon widening cracks. That’s how the light of hope gets in.
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