Grandparents bonding with their grandkids isn’t frivolous. In fact, family psychologists say the grandparent-grandchild relationship is a source of intergenerational connection that shouldn’t be underestimated.
“In this day and age, trusted adults beyond just parents are more important than ever,” Dr. Matthew Leahy, PhD, a clinical psychologist, tells Parade. “Grandparents are also able to interact with their grandchildren in ways that are sometimes markedly different from parents—ways that can be enriching and even fun.”
Think family stories, fun weekend activities or late nights watching movies, all of which Dr. Leahy says can become fond memories. Another family psychologist shares similar sentiments.
“A child’s bond to a grandparent can be an additional source for that child of stable and loving support beyond what is available in their nuclear home,” says Dr. Shannon Franklin, PsyD, a licensed psychologist at Element Q Healing. “That same bond provides a means by which the child can develop a sense of being part of a family’s past as well as a sense of security within a calm, accepting relationship.”
Dr. Franklin adds that intergenerational connection is a two-way street.
“The bond is also an opportunity for the grandparent to experience a sense of belonging and relevance to the younger generations,” she states.
Still, knowing how to be a good grandparent and how to connect with grandkids can feel tough, especially since parenting norms have changed. However, family psychologists say some basic rules still apply. They reveal seven things grandparents with the closest bonds with their grandkids do consistently well. Plus, they offer expert-approved advice on long-distance grandparenting (hint: technology is not just for “kids these days!”).
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7 Things Grandparents With the Closest Bonds With Their Grandkids Do, According to Psychologists
From sharing family history to unconditional love, grandparent-grandchild bonding offers many benefits. But it doesn’t always come naturally. Family psychologists share seven ways grandparents can show up and develop close connections with grandkids.
1. They respect parents’ boundaries
Grandparent boundaries are key—and family psychologists say that means respecting parents’ rules, regulations and limits, such as around sugar and screens.
“Understand that their parents know the children best and generally have their needs and best interests in mind when they set limits,” states Dr. Deborah Vinall, PsyD, LMFT, a licensed therapist and the Chief Psychological Consultant with Recovered.org. “Children feel safest and most connected when there is no friction between the adults in their lives, so don’t disregard this relationship, including the relationship with your son- or daughter-in-law.”
Related: We Asked 4 Child Psychologists What They Wish More Grandparents Would Stop Doing—They All Said the Same Thing
2. They ask open-ended, low-stakes questions
You may really crave more insights into your grandchild’s life, but can’t pull anything more out of them than one-word answers, like “OK” and “Fine.” Dr. Franklin says you may need to change your question. For instance, instead of constantly asking, “How did you do at school?” try something like, “What were you laughing about today?” or “What are your interests these days?”
“The desire here is to show an interest rather than interrogate,” she explains. “When there isn’t pressure to provide a specific response, children will be much more apt to express themselves.”
3. They enter their grandchild’s world
You may feel rather silly to find yourself quoting the latest Disney movie or singing Olivia Rodrigo‘s latest hit. But family psychologists say these are actually signs of a good grandparent.
“When grandparents are involved, they can show that they have an active interest in the child’s life by taking an interest in things that matter to their grandchild,” Dr. Franklin notes. “Showing an interest in something important to the child conveys the message, ‘What is important to you is also important to me.'”
Related: 10 Things ‘Naturally Nurturing’ Grandparents Do Differently, According to Child Psychologists
4. They listen without immediately trying to fix things
You may be handy with a tool kit in the kitchen, but good grandparents don’t need to take a monkey wrench to their grandchildren’s problems. A listening ear will do.
“When children feel that grandparents listen first to their thoughts and feelings without immediately giving them solutions, those grandparents create an atmosphere of trust in which children may be more likely to share things with them,” Dr. Franklin explains. “At times, a child may want only comfort, curiosity or confirmation and not necessarily have a need for a solution.”
5. They make their grandchildren feel deeply valued
Dr. Leahy knows most grandparents love their grandchildren. But there’s something special about a grandparent who has their fridge covered in every picture or award a grandchild shares with them and a basket full of every small gift a grandchild bought for them at the school holiday gift fair. Not one for stuff? Dr. Leahy says showing up to sporting and school events lets kids know, “You’re the apple of my eye.”
“Kids see this and notice it,” he shares.
6. They share the legacy
Sharing family history is a natural role for grandparents, and it can deepen bonds with grandchildren.
“Grandparents have a special role in sharing memories, sharing tales of a different time, and showing sides to parents that only they have had access to,” says Dr. Amy Vigliotti, PhD, a licensed psychologist and the founder of SelfWorks. “They are the proud holders of the child’s history that happened before they were both.”
7. They let the relationship change when the child gets older
Dr. Leahy reminds us that we change as the years pass, and so do grandchildren.
“Grandparents notice this and know that their relationship with their grandchildren needs to, and will, adapt over time, and they don’t try to fight it,” he explains. “For example, the overnight weekends may start happening less and less until they’re eventually gone.”
That’s natural—friends and peers become more important to teens, Dr. Leahy stresses. He says grandparents will allow space for and respect that.
Related: We Asked 4 Child Psychologists What They Wish More Grandparents Prioritized—They All Said the Same Thing
3 Tips for Long-Distance Grandparenting
Proximity can help grandparent-grandchild bonding. But you don’t need to live in the same state or even on the same continent to form an intergenerational connection. An Internet connection can help, though. Below, family psychologists shared advice for long-distance grandparenting.
1. Create a predictable point of connection in a digital world
If proximity isn’t in your favor, Dr. Leahy says you’ll want to lean heavily on consistency. For instance, you might send daily texts, have quick weekly video chats and hop on longer calls occasionally.
“Kids know their grandparents are still there and thinking about them, even if they are miles away, so it’s worth it to know how to use technology,” he states. “Finding a set day, time or moment that can be a connection point with a grandchild helps keep the relationship part of everyday life.”
As kids get older and get phones and emails, Dr. Vinall advises against relying on parents to stay connected. Instead, reach out directly with warm encouragement or “thinking of you” messages.
“This demonstrates that they are important to you as individuals, not only as part of the family system,” she shares. “Of course, it is important to maintain warm and healthy relationships with both parents, as well, so you are all on the same team of loving the grandkids well.”
2. Stay involved in the ordinary details
Dr. Franklin says it’s unnecessary to rely on special occasions, like birthdays, or big life events, such as a graduation, to stay in touch. Small moments matter, and consistent contact will help with this.
“Taking an interest in the daily aspects of their lives by remembering names of friends they’ve made at school, what happened during a recent sports event or simply sending a quick hello before a show or other performance can help create a sense of continuity that is felt far beyond those special moments,” she explains. “Understanding the little things about their daily life can sometimes bring them closer to you than larger one-time gestures.”
3. Do something together
Words matter, but actions have their place.
“When you make long-distance calls, it feels like everything is just a question,” Dr. Franklin notes. “Whether grandparents are reading the same book, playing the same video game online, cooking the same meal or watching their favorite TV show, they can do these things at the same time. This gives the child something to talk about naturally and helps them have memories that will last from a distance.”
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Related: The #1 Habit of Highly Respected Grandparents, According to a Family Psychologist
Sources:
Dr. Shannon Franklin, PsyD, is a licensed psychologist and the Clinical Director of Element Q Healing. Dr. Matthew Leahy, PhD, is a clinical psychologist based in Dallas, TX. Dr. Deborah Vinall, PsyD, LMFT, is a licensed therapist and the Chief Psychological Consultant with Recovered.org. Dr. Amy Vigliotti, PhD, is a licensed psychologist and founder of SelfWorks.Hence then, the article about family psychologists say grandparents with the closest bonds with their grandkids do these 7 things was published today ( ) and is available on Parade ( Saudi Arabia ) The editorial team at PressBee has edited and verified it, and it may have been modified, fully republished, or quoted. You can read and follow the updates of this news or article from its original source.
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