You may spend hours looking up “gentle parenting chore ideas.” The parenting style is trending, after all. Today’s debates over how to get kids to do chores without nagging sometimes get into the “chores vs allowance” debate. But more often, it centers on chore (and sticker) charts.
It all makes sense. It’s not easy to get kids to do assigned tasks.
“Chores require a ton of consistency from parents, especially in the beginning,” shares Caitlin Slavens, BAACS, MC, R Psych, a registered psychologist and the clinic owner and co-founder of Cradles to Couples. “Children are not usually going to remember their responsibilities, stop doing something they are having fun doing or happily unload the dishwasher without some support.”
We can’t say we blame kids for any of the above. But we don’t blame you for feeling you’re “constantly reminding, negotiating or nagging.” Plus, let’s face it, your personal to-do list is rather long.
“It can be especially difficult to get kids to do chores when doing the job yourself feels faster and easier,” Slavens tells Parade. “The challenge is tolerating that period when teaching children to contribute actually creates more work before it starts creating less.”
But “old-school” tactics like sticker and chore charts can fall short, and there’s a key reason. The good news? Some alternatives to chore charts are actually much more effective in the long term. She shares the surprisingly simple approach below. She also dives into age-appropriate tasks for kids. Scroll on for all of her secrets.
Related: We Asked 4 Child Psychologists What Parenting Style Is Best—They All Said the Same Thing
The Secret Pivot: Swapping ‘Chores’ for ‘Family Contributions’
Slavens suggests using a family contribution model. She says it’s one of the best alternatives to chore charts because it shifts the focus. Instead of assigning tasks, it turns taking care of the home into a team effort. It’s a way to build intrinsic motivation in kids via chores.
Related: We Asked 4 Child Psychologists What Actually Motivates Kids—They All Said the Same Thing
The Psychology: Why Sticker Charts Actually Kill Motivation
Slavens shares that sticker charts aren’t necessarily harmful. However, there’s a reason why sticker charts don’t work long-term.
“They can be helpful in teaching younger children a new routine; however, they become an issue when rewards become the main reason a child participates,” she explains. “If children regularly receive a sticker, prize or payment for helping, they may start to ask, ‘What do I get?’ before any task they are expected to complete.”
In other words, you’re not building intrinsic motivation in kids through chores, even if it’s getting the job done.
“External rewards can sometimes prompt quick cooperation, but they do not necessarily help a child develop a feeling of responsibility or understand how their actions affect others,” she reports. “If a family uses a chart, I would treat it as a temporary teaching tool and gradually phase it out once the routine becomes familiar.”
Related: The One Emotional Skill Psychologists Say Parents and Grandparents Should Teach Before Age 7
The Transactional Home vs. The Team-Based Home
The family contribution chore model is excellent for building intrinsic motivation, unlike sticker charts. Slavens notes that using the words “family contributions” instead of “chores” is more than semantics.
“A sticker makes the task part of an exchange, ‘I clean up, and you give me something,'” she says. “A family expectation communicates something different: ‘I clean up because I am part of this household, and this is one of the ways we take care of our common space.'”
Slavens adds that it also makes the family unit a team, rather than billing adults as “chore assigners” and kids as “the ones who have to do them.”
So, how might this look in real life? She suggests swapping out common commands like “You need to finish your chores.” Instead, she recommends saying, “Before dinner, we all help get the house ready. I’m making dinner, your sister is setting the table and your job is putting the shoes by the door.”
That said, you might still get some protests and eyerolls.
“Changing the wording of how we discuss not the most exciting tasks or jobs will not suddenly make every child eager to clean up all the time,” Slavens explains.
The delayed gratification is worth it.
“Over time, that can support a child’s sense of connectedness, competence and responsibility,” she says. “They begin to see themselves as someone whose contribution is meaningful and valued.”
Related: We Asked 3 Child Psychologists What Outdoor Activity Is Best for Kids—They All Said the Same Thing
The ‘When-Then’ Routine: How To Enforce It Without Nagging
The “When-Then” parenting routine is pretty buzzy these days. It links a positive behavior with a reward, but not necessarily stickers, candy or anything tangible. For instance, “We’ll play once you get dressed.” Is it possible to use this approach without nagging? Slavens says yes and shares some tips.
Tell them the expectation clearly. Rather than repeating or explaining yourself—or engaging in negotiations with a toddler or tween—she suggests being upfront from the get-go. For instance, you can say, “When the toys are put away, then we can start the movie.” The psychologist shares, “Keeping it short makes the expectation easier to understand and follow through.” Use reminders without taking over the responsibility. Slavens notes that some kids may genuinely need a reminder. “A quick reminder is different from following them around and repeating the request every two minutes,” she says. “You might say, ‘The movie is ready when the toys are away,’ and then allow the boundary to do the work.” Maintain the boundary without becoming emotionally pulled into it. Slavens says it’s OK if a kid doesn’t like a boundary or if they protest. “It is the parents’ job to maintain the boundary without turning it into an argument or giving in,” she explains. “You can simply say, ‘I know you want to watch it now. The toys still need to be put away first.'”Related: Occupational Therapists Say Parents and Grandparents Often Help Too Much With This Daily Task
Age-Appropriate Contributions To Start This Week
One reason you’re struggling to get kids to do chores without nagging is that the task may be developmentally too challenging for them. To help, Slavens shares general age-appropriate chores for kids (though all kids develop at different paces, so you’ll want to tune into your own).
1. Toddlers and Pre-K (2 to 5)
Slavens suggests keeping things simple and straightforward for the littlest helpers. They can clean up their toys, carry tups to the counter and help put clothes in the hamper. Remember, be patient.
“It is important to caveat that it won’t be done perfectly and may create a bit more work for parents at first,” she stresses. “However, the point is to let kids experience being included in understanding what it’s like to feel helpful and included in family contributions.”
2. School-aged children (6 to 11)
Good news: You may have worked yourself out of some jobs.
“Kids this age can usually take on jobs that actually lighten the load a little, such as feeding a pet, setting the table for mealtime, emptying parts of the dishwasher, packing their backpack or doing parts of the laundry,” Slavens says.
She suggests that parents choose something that the child regularly does, like feeding pets or unloading the dishwasher, rather than giving them a new job constantly. That way, it becomes part of their regular routine.
“They will still forget and need reminders, but they can start taking real ownership of one or two jobs,” she explains.
3. Tweens and teens (12+)
At this age, Slavens suggests shifting focus to skills kids will genuinely need later—think doing laundry, preparing basic meals and cleaning the bathroom. You know, things you probably don’t want a call about when they fly the nest.
“Teens should have some choice in which jobs they take on and when they complete them,” she adds. “They may not be thrilled about it, but contributing at home should not depend on whether they feel like doing it that day.”
Up Next:
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Source:
Caitlin Slavens, BAACS, MC, R Psych, is a registered psychologist in Canada and the clinic owner and co-founder of Cradles to Couples.Hence then, the article about parents are ditching chore charts for one surprisingly simple approach was published today ( ) and is available on Parade ( Saudi Arabia ) The editorial team at PressBee has edited and verified it, and it may have been modified, fully republished, or quoted. You can read and follow the updates of this news or article from its original source.
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