No-Longer-Prince Andrew is still in line for a ceremonial funeral despite his disgrace – that is, according to newly revealed government plans, wherein funeral arrangements for members of the Royal Family are set out years in advance. Suffice to say that the class warrior in me is frothing at the mouth. Because if an arrest for alleged misconduct in public office (no charges have yet been made), plus established chumminess with a billionaire paedophile, let alone accusations of sexual assault against a teenager, aren’t enough to knock Andrew off that list, then what is? For his part, Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor denies any wrongdoing.
Seems you really can’t oust a royal from their lofty perch. Clearly, gestures to the contrary were just for show.
Perhaps we shouldn’t be surprised. When it comes to Andrew, King Charles’s position has always been limp. Sure, he stripped him of his titles back in November, which did rather seem the least he could do. Charles also ejected Andrew from Royal Lodge earlier this year, forcing him to make do with Marsh Farm, a mere five-bedroom home on the Sandringham Estate, instead. Hardly an iron fist – but these latest revelations cast that royal punch-pulling in a far starker light.
Presumably, officials hoped that by the time Andrew popped his clogs, perhaps decades from now, public outrage would have died down enough for the original plans to go ahead. The fact that he is still in line for this kind of funeral is proof that his chastisement was only ever skin-deep, that he’s still considered a royal when all is said and done.
A ceremonial funeral is, by its very nature, a mark of national respect – it has no function other than to signal our collective mourning. In objecting to Andrew receiving one, no one is saying he shouldn’t be afforded basic dignity – just that he shouldn’t be lauded with one of the highest possible, reserved only for those at our society’s supposed apex, which has bafflingly remained unmoved since feudal times.
Royal status is something one is born into rather than earned, which is what makes it so infuriating. If you ask me, the whole thing is a bananas hangover from another era which for some reason the British cling to, a kind of collective Stockholm syndrome. But if anything were ever enough to illuminate the madness of monarchy, surely this is it – an odious individual granted the utmost honour, just because of who his parents were? Yuck.
In every other walk of life we expect a correlation between how someone behaves and how we treat them – but for some reason, royalty remains exempt.
Perhaps Charles is aware of how out of step that seems in 2026, hence his public-facing bids to punish his brother. Yet, the fact that such decisions were left to Charles at all reveals the uncomfortable truth – while audiences can influence careers of disgraced celebrities by boycotting an actor’s film, for instance, Andrew’s privilege was never ours to retract.
Charles has made a show of responding to public outcry, but arguably that’s because allowing us to believe that our opinion matters is in the Crown’s best interests. Otherwise, we might see the nonsense for what it is and overturn the whole business.
Ironically, the importance of that continuing goodwill means this revelation will probably result in Andrew being struck off the ceremonial funeral list after all. Quite right too: while such pomp and ceremony might be his birthright, that’s all the more reason to insist on it being retracted. It’s important, from time to time, to remind those at the top who’s really in charge.
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