Unfortunately, many individuals grew up with parents who were, well, less than stellar. Maybe you had an “eggshell parent” who was volatile. Maybe you were raised by a gaslighter, or your caregivers were emotionally immature. These are only a few examples.
If you’d put yourself into any of those categories, it might have contributed to certain traits you exhibit now, as an adult. Do people-pleasing, self-gaslighting or having walls up sound familiar? Again, those are a few of many examples. They make sense, too: Our childhood experiences can subtly affect us our entire lives. They shape our ways of perceiving and navigating the world.
Within this conversation, we can’t forget to address the effects of growing up with condescending parents. Feeling like you’re being “talked down to”—even though you are younger and perhaps less knowledgeable—can be hurtful, with possible ramifications on your mindset, perspective, feelings and behaviors, even into adulthood.
For further insight, validation and support, a psychologist shares seven common traits of people raised by condescending parents, what you need to know if this sounds like your experience and how to kickstart your healing journey. It’s not full-blown therapy—that’s needed, too—but it’s a start.
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Condescending people treat others like they are inferior—and unfortunately, that dynamic can exist in parent-child relationships.
“A parent who has an attitude of superiority often communicates with their child as if they were stupid,” says Dr. Shannon Franklin, PsyD, a licensed psychologist with Element Q Healing.
She lists examples of what that might entail, saying the parent might:
Make fun of their child’s question.Be stern when correcting them.Disregard the child’s feelings.Use phrases like: “You’re so sensitive,” “You will understand when your time comes” or “Stop pretending to think you already know this."Related: 135 Deep Shadow Work Prompts To Help With Self-Awareness, Self-Compassion and Authenticity
7 Common Traits of People Raised by Condescending Parents, According to a Psychologist
Besides flat-out making you feel bad in the moment, those experiences could have caused you to develop certain traits in adulthood. Dr. Franklin shares and explains seven key examples.
Constantly questioning or second-guessing yourself? That’s one sign you grew up with condescending parents.
“As adults, many things that would normally seem like an easy decision to make now create stress for them,” Dr. Franklin says.
It makes sense: You were constantly made to think you were dumb and “overreacting.”
2. Fear of self-expression
Whether it’s about clothes, personality or how they talk, adults raised by condescending parents are often afraid to express themselves.
“When they were young, they may have had their opinions laughed at or shut off,” Dr. Franklin explains. “Now, they use silence as a method of feeling comfortable.”
These adults are like chameleons in that they can mold themselves, typically into the people they think others want them to be. Their main goal is to keep others happy.
“Often, this is due to an early belief that to earn approval, he/she must [people-please],” Dr. Franklin says.
They may put their own needs aside in the process, she continues, in hopes of preventing others’ judgment or criticism.
Related: 7 Behaviors That People-Pleasers Don’t Even Realize They're Doing, a Psychotherapist Warns
4. Perfectionism
Do you have a big fear of “messing up” or sounding uninformed? Do you feel inadequate and fight to ensure everything you do is mistake-free? You might be a perfectionist, and you might have grown up with condescending parents.
“In many cases, children who have been raised by overly critical parents will believe that all errors are shameful,” Dr. Franklin explains. “Therefore, as adults, perfection becomes an important goal for them, in part because they wish to be able to be judged favorably by others.”
Unfortunately, that pressure can create loads of stress and even lead to burnout.
Some of the above traits—like perfectionism and people-pleasing—also tie back to a sensitivity to criticism. This trait is certainly understandable, too, given that feedback can be hurtful, especially if it’s been weaponized against you.
Dr. Franklin explains that the critical parent “may have criticized them and made them believe that everything they did was wrong,” and that’s why the adult might now “react when they hear [someone] criticize anything about them.”
6. Difficulty trusting themselves
Adults who grew up with condescending parents may need other people to help them make or approve of decisions.
What’s particularly sad about this is it can “make it difficult for a child to develop a sense of self,” according to Dr. Franklin. For example, they might not know what they truly feel, want or dislike because of that implanted self-doubt.
7. Overexplainers
Last but not least, these adults often overexplain their actions, decisions and feelings.
“This is due, in part, to the fact that many times as an adult, you will feel like others do not understand your feelings,” Dr. Franklin says. That may feel especially true when that was the case in your childhood.
Related: 8 Manipulative Parenting Habits That Still Affect You as an Adult, According to Psychologists
If there’s one thing Dr. Franklin wants these adults to know, it’s this: “Your voice was never what caused problems for you. What was the problem is how you have been treated.”
To heal, she encourages noticing that inner critic’s voice and asking yourself, “Whose voice does this sound like?” Chances are, it’s not yours.
Additionally, she encourages talking to a therapist, practicing making small decisions and honoring your needs. Healing is possible for you, too—don’t forget or second-guess that.
Up Next:
Related: 9 Things Toxic Parents Hate (and Why Adult Children Should Absolutely Still Do Them)
Source:
Dr. Shannon Franklin, PsyD, is a licensed psychologist with Element Q Healing.Hence then, the article about kids who grow up with condescending parents often develop these 7 traits as adults psychologist says was published today ( ) and is available on Parade ( Saudi Arabia ) The editorial team at PressBee has edited and verified it, and it may have been modified, fully republished, or quoted. You can read and follow the updates of this news or article from its original source.
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