When someone is silent in a group setting, the chatty people in the crew might assume that the quiet person is simply shy or reserved. Others might write them off as not able to keep up with the pack. Or, one might think the quiet person is insecure and nervous to speak up.
However, those assumptions often aren't actually why people stay silent in a crowd. In fact, there are a variety of reasons why someone might hesitate before speaking up—and according to a psychologist who spoke with Parade, those reasons are often the opposite of what you might assume.
Think about more private TV and film characters like Ron Swanson from Parks and Recreation, Stanley Hudson on The Office and Katniss Everdeen from The Hunger Games. These characters are far from shy, unintelligent and insecure—in fact, they're all quite confident, smart and self-assured! However, they typically only speak when they really have something to say, and it packs a much heartier punch than if they were yammering all the time.
Not only that, but people who tend to stay silent in a group often have a few unexpected personality traits which might explain their reticence. Keep reading to learn more.
According to Dr. Rana Pishva, a clinical psychologist and the founder of Sorted-Mind.com, there are a number of reasons why someone might keep quiet when surrounded by others.
"Some people respond quickly when a question is posed to them—out of anxiety, eagerness or confidence. Others wait longer," Dr. Pishva tells Parade.
She explains that "it can be easy to assume that the person staying quiet is insecure or not knowledgeable," or that the person is anxious or distracted. And although those are certainly all common reasons that people might not speak up in a group, in many instances, the person is actually quite secure, smart and confident.
4 Unexpected Personality Traits of People Who Stay Silent in Groups, According to a Psychologist
According to Dr. Pishva, individuals who tend to be the most quiet with others around often share the following personality traits.
1. They're deep thinkers
If someone takes a while to respond, they might just be thoughtfully considering their response.
"Deep thinkers will take longer to respond (and may choose not to respond at all) because they are genuinely still thinking, or don’t have an answer that meets their need for depth," Dr. Pishva tells Parade.
Deep thinkers "enjoy intellectual challenges and want to process information carefully and from different perspectives before weighing in," she explains. "They choose a thoughtful response based on logical arguments over reactive or superficial answers. Their responses tend to be more elaborate, nuanced and creative."
Related: If You’re a High-Level Thinker, You Likely Use These 13 Phrases, Psychologists Say
Photo by Thomas Barwick on Getty Images
Someone who is quiet in group settings may have an avoidant attachment pattern, according to Dr. Pishva. A person with an avoidant attachment style is someone who tends to be insecure in relationships and might find struggle to get close to others, per the Cleveland Clinic.
So, someone with an avoidant attachment pattern may choose to stay quiet in a conversation—especially if the topic is tense, emotional or divisive.
"Individuals with avoidant attachment tendencies show a diminished activation to distress at a neurological level because they have learned to suppress emotional material," Dr. Pishva explains. "Since intimacy, closeness and conflict are uncomfortable, a person with this attachment pattern may choose to remain silent to avoid tension or the vulnerability of exposing one’s opinions. They are more comfortable listening—although deep emotional listening may be difficult too."
Related: Psychologists Say People Who Have ‘Absolutely No Filter’ Likely Have These 7 Traits
3. They might be underfunctioners
People who tend to stay silent in groups are often retreaters or "underfunctioners," according to Dr. Pishva. An underfunctioner is someone who struggles with things like decision-making, showing up on time and managing life tasks, as explained by Will Meek Ph.D.. And per Dr. Pishva, individuals typically start underfunctioning as children, as a response to their role in their family unit.
"In family systems terms, not speaking up and retreating can be a role assigned to a family member who is expected to do as they are told, not have an opinion, or follow others rather than develop their own well-defined beliefs and principles," she explains. "Pushing back against this role could have had negative consequences—rejection, shunning or mockery—which reinforced the strategy."
As a result, someone who grew up as an underfunctioner may carry those fears into adulthood, and a little voice in their head might tell them not to speak out of turn in a group.
Related: The Icelandic Way To Make Big and Small Life Decisions
4. They're confident
A person who keeps quiet in a group might come across as timid—but in actuality, the quiet person might be so confident that they don't feel the need to speak.
"Confidence does not need to be loud—to the contrary," Dr. Pishva explains. "The person who chooses to stay silent may simply have enough self-assurance that they do not rely on being noticed to know their value. A confident person does not rush to fill silence, display their knowledge or overexplain. Instead, they show up in a way that is direct, concise and clear when necessary."
Related: 7 Traits That Separate Emotionally Intelligent Leaders From Everyone Else
People who keep quiet in group settings may do so for a number of reasons.
People who are silent in groups are often smart. Rather than speaking without thinking, some people stay quiet until they've deeply thought about what they're going to say.Quiet people aren't always shy. Often, they're actually quite confident and secure, so they don't feel a need for attention.Some people may be quiet in groups because of how they grew up. If someone learned to become avoidantly attached or an "underfunctioner" around their family, they may tend to stay quiet in groups as adults.Up Next:
Related: 7 Phrases People With High Self-Trust Use Regularly, Psychologist Says
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