So your friend just tripped and fell on the sidewalk, and you burst out laughing. Or maybe you’re at a funeral and keep cracking dark-humor jokes. Maybe you notice you always put an “LOL” at the end of a text that doesn’t call for laughter. Lots of us have been there, right? We’re in a serious situation, and all that comes to mind is humor. It can make us feel confused, awkward or guilty, but the urge is there, nonetheless. What gives?
According to a psychologist, this is more “normal” and understandable than it may seem at first (even if it comes across the wrong way or feels random). In short, for many of us, comedic relief is how we cope. When we feel scared, uncomfortable or sad, a laugh is a quick way to relieve that tension.
Some people use clowning around to cope in somber scenarios, but others don’t. Why? When is this behavior more problematic, and is it a trauma response? Last but not least, what can you do when wisecracking feels as inevitable (and untimely) as an oncoming sneeze? Parade asked a psychologist to answer all those questions for you, plus seven traits that people who use humor in serious situations have. Read on for expert-backed advice and insights.
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Why Do Some People Use Humor in Serious Moments?
As counterintuitive as it may sound, laughing in serious moments makes sense for many reasons.
For starters, it can be a release of nervous energy, like a pressure-release valve, or a way to avoid painful emotions.
“When emotions like anxiety, embarrassment, stress or discomfort build up internally, joking or laughing can help regulate those feelings and make the moment feel easier to manage,” explains Dr. Vanessa Pilkington, a Doctify-rated psychologist. “Humor can create distance from feelings like grief, shame, anger or vulnerability, perhaps making serious moments feel less overwhelming.”
Basically, it’s a coping strategy that can be instinctual, a recent development or learned over time.
It’s also important to note that it’s not always intentional.
“There are times when laughter appears unexpectedly, and it can be voluntary or involuntary,” she adds.
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Let’s break this phenomenon down a bit more. What specific traits do these individuals share?
A joke or a laugh can help someone stay functional in an overwhelming situation. It can “create psychological distance from fear, grief, embarrassment or tension,” according to Dr. Pilkington.
2. They are uncomfortable with vulnerability
Vulnerability—whether it's crying around others, feeling tension in a friend group or something else entirely—is scary. It makes sense that people try to avoid it.
“Humor becomes a shield that redirects attention away from painful feelings, intimacy or emotional honesty,” Dr. Pilkington states.
Related: If Someone Often Uses These 7 Phrases, They May Be Avoiding Vulnerability
Some people can identify when others are feeling vulnerable and try to help them feel better with a lighthearted comment or moment of levity.
“This can come from empathy and social awareness,” Dr. Pilkington says.
Its helpfulness is up in the air, however.
“It may sometimes not land well if the moment demands direct emotional presence instead,” she adds.
4. They think quickly and intellectually under stress
Humor requires a level of intelligence, quickness and wit—and again, that can feel more comfortable for some people than emotion.
“In stressful moments, some people naturally shift into wit or cleverness because thinking feels safer and more manageable than feeling,” Dr. Pilkington explains.
Sadness can lead to crying, and anger can lead to yelling. These are behaviors we may want to avoid, so we opt for humor instead.
“Laughing or joking can prevent crying, anger, panic or shutdown,” Dr. Pilkington shares. “Humor may function as a way to maintain composure when emotions feel too powerful or unfamiliar.”
6. They may have unresolved grief, anxiety or trauma
According to Dr. Pilkington, humor can be a “deeply ingrained survival strategy.” People who have experienced trauma and/or chronic stress might smile, joke or laugh because that’s how their nervous system learned to protect them.
7. They're highly empathetic
A serious situation can feel heavy, especially for empaths or people who feel everyone’s emotions. Again, humor can lighten things up.
“People with high empathy levels sometimes resort to laughter to reduce or offset the weight they feel from absorbing emotions so deeply,” Dr. Pilkington says.
Related: 7 Habits of Highly Empathetic People Who Easily Get Drained in Crowds
When This Can Be Problematic
Clearly, humor can be a helpful distraction and coping skill. It can even be a form of “opposite action,” a dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) skill that encourages us to respond to feelings in more helpful ways. With that said, it’s not always appropriate, and it can be a way to avoid emotions that need to be felt or conversations that need to be had (at least eventually).
“Using humor in serious moments can become problematic if it prevents emotional honesty or leaves others feeling dismissed,” Dr. Pilkington explains. “If someone jokes during conversations about grief, trauma, accountability or emotional pain, other people may feel invalidated or emotionally disconnected from them.”
With so much online chatter about “trauma responses,” can smiling, particularly in serious situations, be considered one?
“I am not inclined to say it can be a trauma response, but some people may learn early in life that appearing cheerful, agreeable, calm or humorous helps them stay safe in stressful environments,” Dr. Pilkington states. “In such situations, smiling may function as a coping mechanism connected to people-pleasing, conflict avoidance, fear of rejection, emotional masking and fawning behaviors.”
It’s like tickling: Just because we laugh doesn’t mean we like it. Just because a person is smiling doesn’t mean they aren’t anxious, upset or distressed.
What To Do if You Typically Laugh or Joke in Inappropriate Moments
Are you someone who needs to limit their laughing and joking in uncomfortable situations? Dr. Pilkington shares some tips:
Pause before responding during emotional conversations.Practice getting more comfortable with silence.Notice physical signs of nervousness or anxiety.Express emotions directly instead of joking immediately.Apologize if humor unintentionally hurts someone.Explore the pattern more deeply through self-reflection or therapy.Related: How To Validate Someone’s Feelings, According to a Clinical Psychologist
If you use humor in serious situations, don’t feel bad or weird: It’s a common and understandable coping skill. People may laugh or joke in emotional situations to regulate themselves, protect themselves from vulnerability, to ease tension or for a host of other reasons. It’s OK to do this sometimes—just be mindful of how and when it could dismiss other people’s feelings, and practice pausing before joking around.
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Source:
Dr. Vanessa Pilkington is a Doctify-rated, experienced psychologist registered with The Health and Care Professions Council (HCPC).Hence then, the article about psychologist says if you use humor in serious situations you likely have these 7 traits was published today ( ) and is available on Parade ( Saudi Arabia ) The editorial team at PressBee has edited and verified it, and it may have been modified, fully republished, or quoted. You can read and follow the updates of this news or article from its original source.
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