Naomi* is the adoptive mother of a teenage boy with foetal alcohol spectrum disorder who was sent to his school’s isolation room multiple times a week for almost five years. Seclusion rooms are spaces where pupils are removed from class and isolated from their classmates.
Intended to keep children safe and minimise disruption, an investigation by The i Paper, based on the testimonies of 100 families, has revealed that some of the rooms are being overused on vulnerable children – including those with special educational needs – with parents reporting nightmares, self-harm and, in the most severe cases, threats of suicide.
Here, Naomi describes how years of seclusion pushed her son, and her family, to breaking point.
My husband and I adopted our son and his older brother when they were 14 months and two years old. We’d been trying for a family for years, and had gone through several rounds of IVF.
Our first meeting with them was really emotional. There were squeals of joy as we approached the door. These two little boys came running towards us, shouting, “Mummy and Daddy”. I felt an instant connection – it was a dream come true.
At first, family life was fairly idyllic. Our home is in a quiet, rural location and we are quite outdoorsy. We would often be outside playing and walking our dogs in the countryside.
As they’ve grown up, their differences have become apparent. While the oldest is very sporty and sociable, our youngest is a bit of a loner who struggles with friendships.
I first raised concerns about my youngest son with his primary school. He couldn’t focus when reading a book together and would wander off. At first, his school said he was fine but after several years they agreed with us. He was spending much of his time under a table and wouldn’t join in with PE.
‘As if chased by a pack of wolves’
The transition to high school was really tough for him and he started having intense meltdowns. In class, he was told, don’t turn around, don’t talk and if he did he was told off. So he just sat there in the lesson, bubbling away. It was like they were constantly shaking up a bottle of coca cola. When he got to a safe place, his home, he would explode as if a pack of wolves were chasing him. If the door was locked, he would start banging and kicking it out of sheer desperation.
Once he attacked me with a cheese knife and stabbed me in the finger. I had to go to the hospital and suffered nerve damage.
We discovered he was being sent to an isolation room several times a week from a school app which logged the sanctions used on him. He struggled to show emotion when we asked him about it – it’s a symptom of foetal alcohol spectrum disorder, which affects children like him, who have been exposed to alcohol during pregnancy.
I told the school I didn’t agree with it and showed them research about the impact of isolation on adopted children. Increasingly, our meetings with them descended into arguments – we ended up taking legal action to try and get him into a specialist school. We spent tens of thousands of pounds on legal fees and in the end we gave up for fear of losing more.
Now, my son is on the cusp of being withdrawn from education – he just doesn’t seem to fit anywhere. He has aggressive outbursts where he blocks my path and has threatened to stab us in the night. My husband locks himself in the bedroom.
I’m exhausted and feel like I’ve failed, although I know I’ve tried my best.
The whole educational system needs overturning and building again. There are so many SEND children who are being overlooked because of the lack of understanding.
I’m going to keep fighting for change because the system has let my son down so badly. I have no other choice.
*Name has been changed
Read more: ‘I found my SEND son sobbing’: Inside the damaging school isolation rooms
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