46 Thoughts I Had About Season 3, Episode 7 of ‘Euphoria’ ...Middle East

We are so back, Euphoria viewers! I missed the last two episodes because I was on vacation, but—with all due respect to Sam Levinson and his magnum opus—it really wasn’t that hard to orient myself for the back half of the third season.

Unbelievably enough, we only have one more episode to go after this one, but for now, read on to find (quite literally) every thought I had while watching Season 3, Episode 7 of Euphoria:

Hey, Ali’s on vacation! Just like I was! …Sort of. Oh, wow, turns out I’m not crazy and this sex worker actually is being played by Natasha Lyonne. God, Colman Domingo is such a good actor. Never forget how difficult the pandemic was for people in recovery! Now I’m getting misty about the immense amount of work that people put into peer-to-peer recovery programs, pretty much always out of the good of their own hearts. Crying about the mere concept of twelve-step programs? It’s giving luteal phase. I don’t really get why or how Lexi and Rue are still friends, but I’m glad they are. Lexi’s gone so Hollywood with her “This doesn’t track for me”! Yes, future studio executive! I like Rue’s big-ass jean jacket. In fairness to Lexi, my nightmare is someone talking to me about God and evil while I’m trying to write. Sydney Sweeney really does slay a final-girl moment, it must be said. The way she just screamed “NOOOOOO” was also art…like, I could hear that “NOOOOOO” anywhere out of context and instantly know who screamed it. How do I get my bob to look like Lexi’s without applying heat or doing any work on it whatsoever? Are we about to get another iconic Maddy/Cassie beatdown? “I’m not your manager. I’m your fucking boss, bitch.” Damn! I hate Dylan. Making content with some tool in a beanbag chair is sort of where Cassie is meant to be. Ah, yes, a sex scene with all the elegance and subtlety that Levinson is known for. Not the finger in the water glass! The bangles staying on during sex is so Cassie-coded. The way I don’t care if Nate lives or dies… Also quite Cassie-coded of me. He does look very tanned and jacked, though. I love Rue-and-Ali-eating-together-and-talking-about-God scenes. Rue’s kind of like a prettier Moses. “Why Texas?” — Ali to Rue re. her homestead plans, also everyone in my life when I moved to Austin in 2021. We need more scenes of the strippers hanging out en famille. God help me, I love a Steely Dan needle drop thrown in for absolutely no good reason. Dick-rating time chez Cassie! Oh, shit. I guess I do care if Cassie lives or dies? Nate’s buried-alive situation is giving Kill Bill 2, and much like that movie, it’s making me faintly nauseous with claustrophobia. OMG, is Rue going to save Cassie? Is it bad that I’m fast-forwarding over these Nate scenes because they involve three things I don’t care for (Nate, being buried alive, and snakes)? God, Naz is terrifying. I’ll admit this shot that’s set up to look like Rue’s wearing a crown of thorns is kind of cool. Ugh, I need Maddy to swim the fuck away from Alamo right now. I am stressed out. Welp, bye, Naz. Duolingo some Armenian, divas! Girls up huge (I mean, if you consider unearthing Nate’s snake-bitten corpse being “up huge”). Are we rocking with Faye, or are we quite definitively not? I miss Jules.

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