Whenever you’re having a disagreement with your spouse, it’s easy to see your own side, but Dr. John Delony recently told caller Marie from Denver, CO, that her husband’s deception might also be her fault. As a relationship therapist and overall mental health expert, he had some pointed opinions on Marie’s financial issues within her marriage.
During the government shutdown, Marie’s husband told her he wasn’t getting paid. This led to significant financial hardship for the couple, leaving them unable to pay down debt, fix issues in their home, or afford other necessities. When Marie told Delony that she had later found out her husband was getting a paycheck, she asked why her husband would lie to her. Dr. Delony had a theory.
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Dr. Delony's Theory
He told Marie that, while it wasn’t ok for her husband to lie, she may not have created an environment that made him feel safe enough to tell the truth. Delony calls it “financial infidelity,” lying to your spouse about finances. But he also asked Marie if she’s the kind of person who makes it difficult for her husband to tell her things.
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He went on to say that it doesn’t sound like she made it a safe space for her husband, who has lied about finances before, to talk to her about money. When Marie noted that he is wasteful with his finances and has been irresponsible with spending, and she had confronted him, Delony then asked her if she was the kind of teammate who considered both their needs or only her own.
His Own Life
Delony went on to share a story about something he struggles with in his own relationship. His wife wants him to take her dancing, and it gives Delony so much anxiety that he ends up messing up and stepping all over her feet. He said that she created a safe space for him by allowing them to dance in their living room rather than in public.
Using his own situation. Delony explained to Marie that she has to get her husband his favorite coffee, tell him she needs an hour of his time, then present a united front and see if he wants to be a team.
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Delony finished off the conversation by telling Marie that she needs to be prepared for her husband’s answer. If he wants to be a team, that’s great, and they should plan together, but she also should brace for the alternative. Hopefully, Marie and her husband will open the lines of communication.
Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute financial advice.
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