Think about etiquette. Picture situations when someone might practice it. What comes to mind? Maybe you pictured a movie set in the 1700s, where a bunch of older ladies drink tea. You might have thought about a networking event or tried to remember when to use which fork at a fancy dinner. You might have thought of times when you addressed people as “sir” or “ma’am.” Those are all valid examples.
What we’re also seeing in today’s technological day and age, though, is howetiquette comes into play in group chats. Whether the group message is with friends or coworkers, you may want to practice etiquette to some degree. Having good manners is important when showing values like respect and for building a comfortable community. But what does it look like in a setting as seemingly informal as a group chat? What are the group chat “rules” that everyone abides by but never talks about—and are you breaking one of them?
Ahead, an etiquette expert shares advice to assuage your worries. She explains when people typically use group chats, if it’s rude not to respond to a group text (especially if others do), seven unspoken group chat rules you should never break and how to leave a group chat politely (because let’s be honest, the need arises sometimes).
Related: An Etiquette Expert Is Begging People To Stop This ‘Surprisingly Rude’ Habit in Group Settings
When Do People Typically Use Group Chats?
“People use group chats for a whole host of reasons, from the ultra-specific for planning an event, to the broader use of 'This is a community and we should all be in one chat,’” says Genevieve (Jenny) Dreizen, the COO and co-founder of Fresh Starts Registry, and a modern-day etiquette and boundaries expert. “I think most often, group chats are for smallish groups to easily communicate, like a group of friends or a book club.”
Additionally, group chats might be created for the following groups:
FamiliesSiblings Leadership teamsCoworkersClubsFriend groupsReligious groupsBachelorette partiesFriends planning a get-together And many moreLuis Alvarez/Getty Images
In group chats, it can be easier not to respond to a group text. You can fly under the radar if others respond. You might think the question or comment wasn’t for you. You might feel less pressure if someone has already received a few responses. But is it rude not to respond?
According to Dreizen, no, it’s not rude.
“I believe you are allowed to just peruse the group chat unless you are being directly asked a question,” she says.
Also, your response doesn’t have to be in the group. “If, for some reason, you feel uncomfortable responding in the chat and the response does not affect everyone in the chat, feel free to answer the question directly to the asker outside the chat,” she adds.
Related: The Main Texting Habit That Ruins Relationships, According to a Harvard-Trained Psychologist
7 Unspoken Group Chat Rules You Should Never Break, According to an Etiquette Expert
Besides the question of not responding to a group text, what are the other considerations when group-texting, specifically regarding unspoken “rules”? Dreizen shares and explains the major ones below.
Adding one of your close, trusted friends to the chat may feel natural and OK to you, but that doesn’t mean others will feel the same.
“The group chat can feel like sitting together on the beach at night with a fire: You wouldn’t just bring anyone to that energy,” Dreizen explains. “First, ask the chat if you can invite someone new, and then ask the new person if they’d like to be part of a group chat.”
2. Read up before you respond
Start from the first text you missed and scroll until you’re done reading, then respond. This way, you don’t waste anyone’s time (or annoy them) with questions that have been answered.
“If you’ve missed some stuff, give yourself some time to catch up,” Dreizen suggests. “You never want to be in the position of responding to the last half of a thought or plan—take a breath and get all the info.”
What you say in a family group chat may differ from what you would say in a work chat or a friend chat. Additionally, what you say, or even the chat’s “energy,” can change depending on the chat’s purpose or which friends are in it. Keep that in mind when responding.
“If you’re in a chat planning a trip, be mindful if that’s the same chat you want to break down your argument with your mom [in], even if some of your best friends are in that chat,” Dreizen says. “Keep it focused.”
Related: 9 Workplace Habits That Make You ‘Instantly Unlikable,’ According to Etiquette Experts
4. Don’t screenshot and share
This comes down to respect and trust. “If you’re going to screenshot something because it’s funny, relatable or [you] want to share some info, let your fellow chatters know and ask permission, even show them the clipped out screenshot,” Dreizen recommends. “But using a group chat against the people in it is generally not great.”
With each of the chat’s members, consider your relationship with them, their history and their experiences.
“Don’t divulge or argue in a space where someone you don’t fully know is,” Dreizen suggests. “You might have good group chat manners, but we don’t know how everyone else is.”
6. Keep side conversations in side chats
Picture it: You’re in bed one night, texting the group chat. You realize you need to share something with someone in the chat—perhaps some “tea” or a concern—but just with one of the members. Move that conversation out of the group chat, even if it isn’t super sensitive.
“Running a parallel conversation in a group thread excludes everyone else and clutters the main thread,” Dreizen explains.
7. Know when to move it offline
Not every conversation is fit for texting and/or group chats. Talking in person, calling or hosting a video chat may be better, especially for more serious or lengthy conversations.
“I used to have a boss who would look at certain emails and say, ‘Yeah, this response is a phone call,’ Dreizen says. “Sometimes, the best response is a phone call… Knowing when is important.”
Not feeling the group chat anymore? Maybe it’s connected to a spot you no longer attend, or you don’t vibe with the members as much. Maybe you’re simply too busy, or the chat is more active than you can handle. If that’s the case, how can you leave the chat without causing a stir or risking a serious case of awkwardness?
Dreizen encourages being gentle and saying something like, “All of the notifications are a lot for me, and it’s hard to keep up. Could you guys make a new thread?”
Just keep in mind that you won’t be included in plan-making going forward since you’ll no longer be able to see the conversation.
“While it’s totally fair to ask to get out of the group chat, you don’t want to create double work for someone inside it to keep you apprised,” she continues.
If you can leave the group chat yourself, Dreizen suggests letting them know you’re planning to step away before formally doing so.
“You can just give a simple, ‘Hey, all, I need to streamline my notifications, stepping out of here! Talk to you each on your own!'” she says.
Final Takeaways
People form group chats for all sorts of reasons: ensuring staff members stay up-to-date, keeping friend groups connected, allowing families to share updates and many others. Following group chat “rules”—even if and when they're unspoken—and abiding by group chat etiquette is important for maintaining a respectful, comfortable environment.
When in a group chat, remember to:
Not add additional individuals without checking with the group.Read all of the texts before responding.Match the energy of the chat.Not screenshot and share people’s messages.Be mindful of who’s in the chat.Keep side conversations in side chats.Move certain conversations offline.Keep those things in mind, and you’re in a good spot.
Up Next:
Related: 11 Phrases That Make You 'Instantly Unlikable' in Group Settings, According to an Etiquette Expert
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Genevieve (Jenny) Dreizen is the COO and co-founder of Fresh Starts Registry and a modern-day etiquette and boundaries expert.Hence then, the article about group chat etiquette 7 unspoken rules you should never break was published today ( ) and is available on Parade ( Saudi Arabia ) The editorial team at PressBee has edited and verified it, and it may have been modified, fully republished, or quoted. You can read and follow the updates of this news or article from its original source.
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