This Just In — Raising children is complicated work. There’s an awful lot of the immediate need in the first years. Diapers, feedings, toys everywhere and mixed up between and among the demands of Me! Me! Me! Now! Now! Now! Now! are the ties that bind us together – the love that carries us through at 3:00 and 4:00 in the morning when the exhaustion can no longer be resisted.
If we are lucky enough to have just enough support through grandparents or friends to carry us through those most difficult years, we can catch some time to think about raising children from a philosophical perspective. I’m shaping this clay into something … what do I want it to be?
To be clear, some of this isn’t really up to us in our vast influence over kids’ lives … but after the hard wiring of characteristics they’re born with, we do our work as parents. We shape and influence for better or worse.
Forgive my ego here for just a moment, but as I’ve been watching the news the last several days, I realize that including every mistake I made as a mom, my husband and I did a great job raising our two sons. They’re kind people. They respect women. They work for a better future.
Watching the spectacular end to the political career of Rep. Eric Swalwell (D-CA), who was likely to win the Governorship in California, I was gratified that the Democratic Party was able to bring the pressure to bear that was needed for his quick exit from public life.
Swalwell is now publicly accused or repeated incidents of sexual assault including a rape by way of drugging the alleged victim. I hope that this is considered an aggravating factor in the likely criminal charges that are in store for him.
In his statement upon dashing out the side door, Swalwell said he regrets “mistakes in judgment” but denies the allegations against him. That’s player talk for “I had an affair, that’s all.”
Rep. Tony Gonzales (R-TX) has stood accused of assaulting a staff member who subsequently committed suicide. This has been public for many months and the GOP has stood by, knowing that the allegations are credible, and depended on the prospect of the public losing interest in the story. That did not happen. Now he’s gone, too.
Rep Cory Mills (R-FL) is accused of multiple assaults. His defense starts with his not being married and that he’s not criminally charged. It’s fair to point out that neither Swalwell nor Gonzales is criminally charged — not yet. This isn’t about that, however. It’s about whether or not any of these three people should have a role as leaders of this country by way of being in the House of Representatives. The answer is “no.”
The first two learned a vote on expulsion was coming fast. The House can do that. They can override the will of the voters when sufficient evidence satisfies them that the public has lost confidence in a representative and that the integrity of the Congress demands that such a person be expelled.
This morning comes the news that Justin Fairfax, the former Lt. Governor of Virginia, shot his wife to death then turned the gun on himself, leaving his two teenage children, who were in the house, physically uninjured. Their son called 911. The Fairfaxes were in the process of a difficult divorce after the former Lt. Governor ended his gubernatorial bid amid a scandal where he was accused of sexual assault.
It feels rare sometimes …developing a male human being into adulthood resulting in a human who is not violent or domineering toward women, but really it’s not. I want to believe it’s the rule, not the exception. My son and daughter-in-law are well into the process of doing a stellar job with my grandsons. My completely unbiased assessment of them is that they’re delightful, people — sensitive and aware of others.
I omit a summary of the president’s offenses here for two reasons. One is that at this point I’m thoroughly convinced of his diminished mental capacity and the second is that this problem is not limited to him. He’s just a larger than life example of what happens in the absence of accountability.
The pendulum swing that we need now is pretty obvious. We need to elect women — lots and lots of women. Is that “identity politics’? Maybe. I think of it more as anti-rape politics.
Jean Bolduc is a freelance writer and is the author of “African Americans of Durham & Orange Counties: An Oral History” (History Press, 2016) and has served on Orange County’s Human Relations Commission, The Alliance of AIDS Services-Carolina, the Orange County Housing Authority Board of Commissioners, and the Orange County Schools’ Equity Task Force. She was a featured columnist and reporter for the Chapel Hill Herald and the News & Observer.
Readers can reach Jean via email – [email protected] and via Twitter @JeanBolduc
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