We're so past the days when children were expected to be seen and not heard. However, what if you (and teachers) hear your child a lot? They may get labeled "disruptive" at school for interrupting or get gold stars for being a "joy to have in class," only to come home and have a tantrum. Sound familiar? This might mean your child is outspoken. Dr. Amy Kincaid Todey, Ph.D., a child psychologist with Todey Psychology, regularly works with parents of outspoken children. She empathizes with them.
"Short-term challenges may include more power struggles at home, higher emotional intensity and social friction if empathy and impulse control aren’t explicitly taught," Dr. Todey says. "Long-term risks, if not mitigated through parenting support, can include conflict with authority, risk-taking behavior or peer rejection if social awareness is underdeveloped."
No pressure, right?
The good news is that Dr. Todey says that outspoken kids are their own best advocates, rarely staying silent when something feels wrong.
"That can be exhausting, but it is also protective," she shares, adding that these kids often grow up to be leaders and entrepreneurs.
Also, for what it's worth, parenting matters, but it's not everything. Still, the child psychologist says that understanding your own wiring can help you better raise an outspoken child.
"If you are naturally anxious, your child’s boldness may feel threatening," she states. "If you are highly dominant, their assertiveness may feel like defiance. If you are calm and regulated, their intensity may feel like leadership in progress."
To help, Dr. Todey shares seven traits of parents who raise outspoken children, plus a few mistakes to avoid.
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What Does an ‘Outspoken' Child Look Like, Exactly?
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"In temperament research, outspoken children often score high in what Mary Rothbart describes as surgency/extraversion—traits that include high activity level, impulsivity, approach behavior and strong positive affect," Dr. Todey explains.
She shares that outspoken children may:
Have high energy and emotional intensity.Take risks more readily.Speak up quickly.Experience big highs and lows.Show leadership and social dominance."They can be charismatic and magnetic," she states. "They often stand up for what feels fair. They are willing to raise their hand—or challenge the rule."
Like people of all ages, though, outspoken children face some common challenges.
"At times, they may struggle with perspective-taking or recognizing how their intensity impacts others," she reports. "Without scaffolding, boldness can turn into interrupting, arguing or taking up a disproportionate amount of social space."
That said, she shares that the temperament is not the issue in outspoken children.
"The skill-building around it is what shapes outcomes," she clarifies.
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Parents raising outspoken children have to become masters in regulation, which is admittedly challenging during a tantrum (especially if it's not the first one of the day and it's not even noon).
"They understand that escalation fuels escalation," Dr. Todey notes. "Calm containment communicates safety."
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2. They're able to mix warmth with clear structure
No, these two things are not mutually exclusive.
"Parents who raise outspoken children are firm and kind," Dr. Todey explains. "Boundaries are predictable. Love is not conditional."
This one can get challenging, especially if you get pushback from others, such as family members who still believe children should be seen and not heard. However, Dr. Todey shares that parents who raise outspoken kids can block the literal and figurative noise and adapt a different mindset about their child.
"Instead of asking, 'Why are you so argumentative?' they think, 'You have a strong voice. Let’s learn how to use it well,'" she says.
4. They teach perspective-taking
Dr. Todey shares that caregivers of outspoken kiddos don't just internalize their perspectives. They open the book and actively coach their children to practice social awareness. She says these parents may tell their child, “You can share your opinion. Let’s also notice how it landed.”
"Teaching kids to always be thinking about other people’s perspectives and emotions can build their empathy and self-control," she states.
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It's natural to want to remove any consequence or hardship from a child, especially if you can see it coming from a mile away. Especially if you know it will result in a meltdown, but people caring for outspoken kids have learned to stay the course.
"They don’t overprotect from every social misstep," Dr. Todey points out. "Experience becomes teacher, without shame."
6. They have thick skin
Self-regulation and awareness come in clutch regarding the thick skin these parents develop.
"Parents sometimes blame themselves when things do not go right for their child, and this can result in shame and anger, which may be unintentionally directed back towards them," Dr. Todey says. "It can be hard not to judge ourselves, particularly when we feel like other people may be judging us based on our kids’ behavior."
However, she shares that it's vital to keep in mind that intensity is developmental, not a personal attack.
Dr. Todey shares that parents know how to tap into school and community resources to challenge an outspoken child's energy rather than trying to squash it.
"They provide outlets such as sports, debate, theater and leadership roles, where strong personalities can thrive constructively," she explains.
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3 Common Parenting Mistakes To Avoid With Outspoken Children
1. Clamping down with too much control
Dr. Todey wants parents of impulsive or intense children to try to increase control in response to these behaviors. It often backfires.
"The difficulty is that harsh authoritarian strategies—high control without warmth—are associated with increased rebellion and conflict," the child psychologist explains. "When intensity is met with force, escalation tends to follow. Structure works. Humiliation and overpowering do not."
Dr. Todey would be remiss if she didn't double-tap on the "warmth" aspect. She understands why parents may start to act or feel chilly toward their child.
"Outspoken children can be draining," she empathizes. "It’s easy to unconsciously withdraw warmth and operate only in correction mode."
Still, she advises combining warmth with expectations.
"Even strong-willed children need to feel emotionally connected, which helps them accept limits," she shares. "Warmth is not permissiveness. It is regulation."
3. Missing the strength
Dr. Todey says it's natural to only see the struggle when you're constantly correcting interruptions or arguments. Yet, she reminds parents that "boldness is raw leadership energy."
"The goal of parenting is not to quiet a child’s personality," she notes. "It is to help them channel their natural gifts into skills that build confidence and social competence. Children develop self-esteem when their strengths are shaped, not shamed."
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Source:
Dr. Amy Kincaid Todey, Ph.D., is a child psychologist with Todey Psychology.Developing Mechanisms of Self-Regulation in Early Life. Emotion Review.Hence then, the article about child psychologist reveals 7 key traits of parents who raise outspoken children was published today ( ) and is available on Parade ( Saudi Arabia ) The editorial team at PressBee has edited and verified it, and it may have been modified, fully republished, or quoted. You can read and follow the updates of this news or article from its original source.
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