Growing up, one of the first things you may have learned is: "Please and thank you are the magic words." Dr. Brittany McGeehan, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist and performance coach, likes to say that "please and thank you are 'foundational to social cohesion,' or 'biological drive to belong to a group.'"
"It signals respect, reduces friction and communicates basic goodwill," she explains. "But like any learned behavior, when it becomes automatic, or is taught at a young age without intention behind it, it’s worth taking a closer look at."
Besides, Dr. McGeehan shares that it's a rite of passage to reflect more closely on some of the norms we were taught as kids to see whether they still align with our grown-up moral compasses.
"As adults, our relationships are more complex than childhood social scripts," she shares. "If politeness is purely reflexive, it can sometimes become disconnected from authentic feeling and present moment awareness."
She shares that women—who are often socially conditioned to be polite—are more likely to default to "please" and "thank you," sometimes to the detriment of their personal and professional growth. Stepping back lets you ask whether the appreciation is intentional or if you're using "politeness" to smooth over internal or external discomfort.
"The goal isn’t to stop being polite," she states. "It’s to align politeness with authenticity so that gratitude is felt and to not say something we don’t mean."
To help, Dr. McGeehan explains that people who automatically say "please" and "thank you" often share these seven traits. Plus, she breaks down the psychology behind thanking in general.
Related: People Who Were ‘Perfectionists’ in Childhood Often Develop These 7 Traits as Adults, a Psychologist Says
What’s the Psychology Behind Thanking Others?
Dr. McGeehan shares that gratitude can activate relationship and neurological systems. You may do a double-take, but it makes sense when you think about it. She shares that humans have evolved to seek closeness.
"When we thank someone, we reinforce prosocial behavior and signal safety," she adds. "On a neurological level, expressions of gratitude can activate reward pathways in the brain, strengthening positive association and connection. From an attachment perspective, thanking someone communicates recognition."
Underneath a "thank you" often lies an "I see your effort, and it matters."
"That acknowledgment strengthens bonds because humans are wired to want their contributions to be valued, and we naturally give what we want to receive ourselves," she shares.
She notes that practicing gratitude also has a self-regulatory component because it can divert attention away from a threat and toward appreciation.
"With women, there is a concept called tend and befriend, which is the idea that in order to communicate, we aren’t a threat, we tend to lean into caring for one another, and build relationships from here," she explains. "Over time, this can improve mood, reduce stress reactivity, and increase relational satisfaction."
Related: 7 Behaviors That People-Pleasers Don’t Even Realize They’re Doing, a Psychotherapist Warns
Iuliia Bondar/Getty Images
Not quite.
"Politeness can reflect personality traits, but it isn’t exclusively one," Dr. McGeehan explains. "A personality is a set of thoughts, feelings and behaviors that are relatively stable and generally define how a person interacts with and sees the world."
She notes that highly agreeable people are often more naturally polite because they are motivated to keep the peace.
"However, politeness is also a learned social behavior shaped by culture, family norms and early modeling," she says.
She shares that a person who is high in agreeableness, is well-regulated, values authenticity and has a family of origin that didn't intensely force societal norms may feel less inclined to use politeness to mask discomfort.
Related: 12 Things Confident Women Never Apologize For
7 Common Traits of People Who Automatically Say 'Please' and 'Thank You'
Dr. McGeehan says that people who reflexively say "please" and "thank you" are hyper-aware of how others are moving and interacting, to the point that it nearly becomes neurotic.
"They tend to be attuned to how their behavior affects others," Dr. McGeehan states. "Overall, compulsive politeness often reflects sensitivity to social norms and relational impact."
2. Trained 'well'
"Well" is in parentheses for a reason. Dr. McGeehan shares that people who default to politeness were often conditioned to do so early.
"They were likely raised in environments where manners were emphasized consistently, and they were trained that how you are seen by others is more important than what’s happening internally," she explains. "Repetition in childhood often turns into an adult reflex because it’s such a sensitive period of neurological development."
Politeness can sometimes be an attempt to avoid tension.
"Saying 'please' and 'thank you' can serve as a preemptive smoothing mechanism in potentially uncomfortable situations," Dr. McGeehan states. "Typically, if someone is moving from a place of social reflex, they struggle with regulation and conflict."
Related: People Who Grew Up With Conflict ‘Swept Under the Rug’ Often Develop These 9 Traits as Adults, Psychologists Say
4. High empathy
Dr. McGeehan shares that people who are quick to say the magic words may have specific and aspirational imaginations.
"They may naturally imagine what it feels like to be on the receiving end of a request or service, prompting consistent appreciation," Dr. McGeehan says. "This heightened sensitivity is going to be a hallmark trait for this group."
Right off the bat, Dr. McGeehan wants to stress that this one is not always the case.
"Really, what I mean here is that this person may be too uncomfortable having a heart-to-heart because it introduces room for a conversation to get confrontational or emotional," she clarifies. "Typically, when a person moves from a space of social reaction, they are uncomfortable with emotion, and therefore, they focus on small talk or the weather to avoid depth."
6. Submissive
Dr. McGeehan shares that people with high awareness of how they're perceived may gravitate toward "going with the flow." But it can make them not assert their authentic wants and desires—or even know what those are.
"They are going to move in rooms that support flow and harmony rather than being open to showing up as who they genuinely are and taking up space," she says.
Dr. McGeehan says that this trait is a "nod to all the oldest daughters out there."
"Some individuals feel responsible for maintaining relational ease in their relationships," Dr. McGeehan explains. "Automatic gratitude can sometimes signal a deeper pattern of managing others’ comfort, even when other people’s emotions aren’t yours to clean up."
Related: 5 ‘Exhausting’ Habits of Eldest Daughters, a Researcher Warns
1. Automatic politeness is often positive
Dr. McGeehan shares that, in many contexts, automatic politeness is often good.
Automatic politeness can create warmth and reduce friction in daily interactions—especially in professional or casual social environments," she shares. "It demonstrates baseline respect and social intelligence."
She shares that now more than ever, we need healthy relationships.
"Whether we want to think of it this way or not, all social relationships need some kind of social lube," she states. "Generally, I believe social niceties can help to break the tension, especially initially, in early relationships."
Related: 9 Phrases To Use Instead of Automatically Saying Yes, According to Psychologists
Dr. McGeehan shares that automatically saying "please" and "thank you" can go overboard. She says intent, context and environment are important to take into account.
"What matters is whether your communication style conveys respect and attunement," she states. "Politeness is one way to do that."
She clarifies that automatic politeness becomes problematic when it:
Replaces authenticity in an environment where you want it.Reinforces people-pleasing.Masks resentment and helps support conflict avoidance.Minimizes your own needs.3. It's worth reflecting on this habit
Dr. McGeehan suggests reflecting on why you always say "please" and "thank you." She says that you can take this step by:
Auditing your values and selecting your "top three," then thinking about how they impact relationships.Practicing mindfulness in relationships and situations. For instance, see if your body relaxes or tightens when you are automatically saying, "please" and "thank you."Reflecting after interactions by asking yourself, "Did I really mean to say 'please' or 'thank you?' What happens in my body when I reflect back on it?""I would say the goal here is to bring more internal awareness to who you are at your core, as well as building your ability to have present-tense mindful awareness," she adds.
Up Next:
Related: Psychologist Reveals People Who Always Say Goodbye to Pets Before Leaving the House Have These 7 Traits
Sources:
Dr. Brittany McGeehan, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist and performance coach.Neural correlates of gratitude. Frontiers in Psychology.Tend and Befriend Theory. UCLA.Hence then, the article about psychologist explains people who automatically say please and thank you share these 7 traits was published today ( ) and is available on Parade ( Saudi Arabia ) The editorial team at PressBee has edited and verified it, and it may have been modified, fully republished, or quoted. You can read and follow the updates of this news or article from its original source.
Read More Details
Finally We wish PressBee provided you with enough information of ( Psychologist Explains People Who Automatically Say 'Please' and 'Thank You' Share These 7 Traits )
Also on site :
- Today's Famous Celebrity Birthdays for March 22, 2026: Reese Witherspoon, William Shatner
- Firefighters rush to Morrisons convenience store in Oswestry after report of fire
- The media has unmasked Banksy, again. Art experts reveal what happens next