Gaslighting is all over the place—social media, podcasts, self-help Substacks, you name it. Yet, one psychologist shares that the buzz around gaslighting has turned its actual definition into a game of telephone, and it's gotten misinterpreted along the way.
"While it's good that society's awareness of gaslighting has increased, it has become too often misconstrued as little more than lying or contradicting others," says Dr. Deborah Vinall, Psy.D., LMFT, the Chief Psychological Consultant with Recovered.org. "Accusations of 'gaslighting' are now frequently used to shut down dialogue and avoid confrontation."
That said, Dr. Vinall—who authored Gaslighting: A Step-by-Step Recovery Guide—isn't advocating that we overcorrect and stop recognizing the signs of gaslighting. It can and does happen to people.
"Gaslighting is a pattern of manipulation and control using bold lies designed to make you doubt your own senses, intuition and memory," she clarifies. "It is an insidious form of psychological abuse."
Unfortunately, some people are really good at gaslighting. You could call them "high-level" gaslighters, and they have the playbook down pat. The problem is that many of us struggle to spot high-level gaslighting tactics, and it can have devastating consequences.
"Having a high-level gaslighter in your life means a loss of control," she shares. "It means being constantly unsure of what is true."
As a result, you may find yourself questioning your own truth, losing contact with loved ones and suffering emotionally and mentally. You deserve to protect your peace, so Dr. Vinall shares nine tactics high-level gaslighters use that most people miss. Scroll on to learn how to spot them.
Related: 4 Common Habits of High-Level Gaslighters, According to Psychologists
What Is a High-Level Gaslighter?
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"A high-level gaslighter is someone who effectively employs gaslighting to gain and maintain control over others," Dr. Vinall shares.
The term isn't clinical, but, in other words, a high-level gaslighter is a skilled gaslighter. Gaslighting is a form of manipulation and control. High-level gaslighters are extra subtle in how they conduct their business.
But you may find yourself wondering if you and they live on the same planet and experience the same reality. That's by design.
"They craft an alternate reality and insist upon it until you are uncertain what is true or are convinced of their lies," she explains.
It's devastating. Any gaslighting—especially high-level gaslighting—can trigger stress, anxiety and isolation.
"Life with such gaslighters erodes self-confidence and self-esteem. It leads to chronic stress and anxiety," the psychologist adds. "The behaviors associated with chronic gaslighting also leave you with a shrunken circle of support."
Related: How To Deal With a Gaslighter, According to a Psychologist
If you're dealing with a high-level gaslighter, you may wake up one day and realize your inner circle is much smaller. You might even barely swap memes with the person you once met for coffee daily.
"Gaslighters diminish your support system by trying to change your positive opinions of them, competing with others for your attention and laying guilt trips when you spend time with others," Dr. Vinall shares.
The problem is that gaslighters might make it sound like they are looking out for you or simply want to spend more time with you, which can be flattering. But that's not their real endgame.
"The purpose is to increase your dependency on them and decrease outside voices who could call out their lies," she says.
Related: 8 Phrases High-Level Gaslighters Often Use, According to Psychologists
2. Victim or hero narrative (often alternating between both)
The regular plot twists with high-level gaslighters become disorienting.
"Gaslighters are motivated by buried insecurity," Dr. Vinall reveals. "Instead of building relationships through confidence and authenticity, they manipulate others into staying near them by trying to extract pity or using grandiosity to impress. They frequently alternate between both approaches."
Perhaps surprisingly, Dr. Vinall reports that gaslighters aren't necessarily trying to convince you that their endless, rapid stream of lies has any validity. Instead, she says that a high-level gaslighter wants to keep you off balance.
"As you try to make sense of each story, the next lie arrives, leaving you insufficient time to get to the bottom of anything," she explains. "Things may feel 'off,' but you seldom can prove why. Ultimately, at least some of the lies stick."
4. Making harmful comparisons
Comparison is the thief of joy, and you certainly may not feel any joy if you're dealing with a skilled manipulator.
"Gaslighters intentionally attack your self-esteem so you will become more dependent on them and less sure about leaving," Dr. Vinall says. "One of the ways they do this is by negatively comparing you to others. The intended effect is to make you feel lucky that they are willing to be with you."
People under the "spell" of a highly controlling, power-hungry gaslighter may see the comparison as a sign they need to improve.
There's a reason this one feels so horrid: Dr. Vinall shares that undermining your accomplishments has two aims.
"It contributes to tearing down your self-confidence, and in their zero-sum worldview, it elevates them by comparison," she explains. "The weak ego of the controlling gaslighter cannot stand competition for the spotlight."
Related: 5 Unexpected Signs *You* Might Be a Narcissist, Psychologists Warn
6. Putting you down in front of others
This high-level gaslighting tactic is more than embarrassing.
"This also serves the goal of eroding your support system, while simultaneously harming your self-confidence," Dr. Vinall notes. "Gaslighters may even imagine such behavior makes them look smart."
Unfortunately, after enough time with a skilled gaslighter, you might think you deserve it.
High-level gaslighters never got the memo that no one is perfect.
"Gaslighters never take responsibility or admit they've been wrong," Dr. Vinall notes. "They cling to and double down on the false narratives they want others to believe."
High-level gaslighters are so good at it that they often succeed.
8. Splitting
This one can fracture long-standing, deep relationships. It also ensures the non-gaslighters in a friend group, family or workplace can't find strength in numbers.
"Gaslighters split others by controlling communication between two previously connected parties," Dr. Vinall warns. "Doing so allows them to control narratives and push their alternative reality."
You may start to wonder whether everything is conditional or comes with strings when dealing with a high-level gaslighter.
"With gaslighters, everything comes at a cost," Dr. Vinall says. "There is no reciprocity or generosity because the sole concern is getting what they want."
Related: How To Deal With a Narcissistic Parent, According to Psychologists
How To Respond to High-Level Gaslighting
1. Understand the cycle
To break free from gaslighting, Dr. Vinall notes you need to learn their tactics and cycles. This education lets you spot them in action, which is empowering, but the process isn't easy.
"This may bring up a lot of emotion, including shame, self-doubt and grief over a relationship you valued," she says. "Getting support from a therapist can be helpful to work through this stage.
Dr. Vinall suggests taking notes in meetings with gaslighting bosses, journaling daily or recording conversations.
"This empowers you by creating a record you can refer back to when you begin to feel 'crazy' or doubt your own memories in response to ongoing gaslighting," Dr. Vinall points out.
3. Set boundaries and make decisions
Dr. Vinall says boundaries protect you physically and emotionally.
"Depending on your proximity and relationship dynamic with the gaslighter, setting communication boundaries may create sufficient distance to reduce or remove the impact of their behaviors on your emotional well-being," she shares.
She explains that it may not be possible to go no-contact with a high-level gaslighter, such as if you share legal custody of a child. In other cases, it's worth considering.
"If the gaslighter is a boss, clergyperson, parent or partner, recognizing the dysfunctional and damaging behavior patterns may lead you to explore ceasing contact to protect and rebuild your self-esteem," Dr. Vinall states.
Up Next:
Related: People Who Gaslight Without Realizing It Often Rely on These 9 Habitual Phrases
Source:
Dr. Deborah Vinall, Psy.D., LMFT, is the Chief Psychological Consultant with Recovered.org and author of Gaslighting: A Step-by-Step Recovery Guide.Hence then, the article about 9 tactics high level gaslighters use that most people miss was published today ( ) and is available on Parade ( Saudi Arabia ) The editorial team at PressBee has edited and verified it, and it may have been modified, fully republished, or quoted. You can read and follow the updates of this news or article from its original source.
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