When life feels especially stressful and overwhelming, many of us automatically try to zone out and dissociate. Whether that means absent-mindedly scrolling on our phones, taking a long shower or simply staring at a blank wall, going on emotional "autopilot" can sometimes be a distraction tactic from our anxieties and concerns. But it's not a long-term solution.
Psychotherapist and meditationteacherMargaret Cullen, author of Quiet Strength: Find Peace, Feel Alive, and Love Boundlessly Through the Power of Equanimity (released March 10), says there's another way to go through the day—which involves facing and acknowledging these tricky feelings.
"Pause. Turn towards your experience rather than towards a distraction," Cullen tells Parade. "There’s so much power in simply being with things as they are. It is simple, and may seem obvious, but not easy."
Taking the intentional pause might feel countercultural at this point. After all, in this digital age, we have distractions that "serve" us everywhere we look—personalized ads and algorithms, the ability to reach out to friends and family at the touch of a button for instant validation and more.
But that pause is significant.
"This is the first step in deconditioning habits and could be the difference between a highly regretful remark or behavior and a peaceful heart," Cullen explains.
After all, when we're jumping from one distraction to the next, we're opening ourselves up to more reactive—instead of introspective—behaviors. And this is not only the case with in-person interactions, but online as well. Here, Cullen shares the common social media mistake she wishes everyone would stop making, and why she believes equanimity is the answer instead.
Related: These 3 Favorite Colors Are Often Linked to Emotional Intelligence, According to a Color Analyst
Olga Pankova/Getty Images
It's important to stop mindlessly opening up TikTok or Instagram and scrolling simply because it's become a force of habit.
"When you feel the urge to reach for social media, pause just long enough to notice what you’re feeling," Cullen says. "Often, there is some form of discomfort beneath the impulse— boredom, restlessness, physical unease, a difficult memory, anxiety about what lies ahead. Stay with that feeling for a moment, with kindness and curiosity. In doing so, you begin to decondition the habit of mainlining social media, you expand your capacity to be with discomfort and you create the conditions for greater equanimity."
But what is equanimity, exactly?
Related: 7 Things You Should Never, Ever Post Online, According to Psychologists
Equanimity's Meaning
"Equanimity comes from two Latin roots: aequus, meaning balanced, and animus, meaning mind or spirit," Cullen shares. "It refers to a dynamic inner balance. Equanimity does not mean shutting down feelings. It means having the space and strength to experience them with steadiness and grace."
So, whether you're scrolling social media, walking into a conference room or meeting your family for dinner, experiencing "equanimity" means you're "keeping your wits about you" and feeling calm or capable, instead of anxious or reactive.
Cullen reveals some other simple ways of looking at it.
"Equanimity is when you can ride the waves of change, like a surfer or someone riding a horse," she tells Parade. "If something really good happens, you feel happy but not so excited that you lose control. If something upsetting happens, you feel sad or mad, but you don’t fall apart. It’s also like being a mountain. The weather changes. Sun, wind, rain, snow.The mountain stays steady. Equanimity means your heart stays steady, too."
Related: A Social Media Coach Is Begging People To Stop This Common Online Habit
Why It's Easy To Lean Toward Outrage on Social Media (and In Real Life)
"Social media algorithms are expertly designed to amplify outrage," Cullen explains. "Strong emotional reactions capture attention in an attention economy, and outrage reliably generates engagement. But there are real costs. Outrage is a form of anger, and like other forms of anger, it energizes us. We tend to get attached to whatever gives us that surge of energy. The problem is that this is an expensive kind of fuel. It burns hot and is not sustainable."
That's one of the reasons why Cullen recommends checking in with your feelings before clicking through IG Stories or Facebook.
"Anger, especially outrage, also narrows our thinking. It gates cognition," she says.
Related: A Social Media Coach Is Begging People To Start This 'Surprisingly Healthy' Online Habit
But that doesn't mean that the answer is apathy.
"Many people mistake equanimity for indifference or passivity," she explains. "They worry that without outrage they will lose their effectiveness or moral clarity. In truth, the opposite is often the case. Outrage and melodrama drain the very energy that could be directed toward thoughtful, creative and genuinely constructive engagement."
"Equanimity is not about caring less," Cullen continues. "It is about caring deeply while being less attached and less reactive. When care is absent, that is not equanimity. True equanimity is actually an expression of love. It is not about shrinking or suppressing feelings. It is about creating more space around them."
HarperCollins
"Humor loosens the grip of intensity and reminds you that experience is often more fluid than it first appears," Cullen says. "Even a gentle smile can interrupt reactivity and restore perspective, helping you relate to what is happening with more lightness and flexibility."
2. Prioritize cognitive shifts
"Intentionally widening your frame of reference changes how strongly events feel," she explains. "Seeing a moment through the eyes of someone loving and wise, imagining how it will look to your future self; or viewing it from the vast perspective of the moon softens urgency and restores proportion."
Related: Dr. Deepika Chopra Reveals: ‘Worry Time’ Actually Helps ‘Resolve’ Anxiety
"The Serenity Prayer offers a simple structure for wise discernment: what can be changed, what cannot and the wisdom to know the difference," Cullen shares. "Returning to this reflection helps conserve energy, directing effort where it is useful and releasing what is not within your control."
Related: Living in the Present Isn’t Always Easy—Here Are 50 Mindfulness Quotes To Help Make It Happen
4. Remember it’s not always about you
"Notice how quickly the mind turns events into something personal—about you, against you or because of you," she points out. "What if it actually wasn’t about you? When you stop taking everything so personally, experience opens up, you suffer less and find greater balance and ease."
"Do a body practice that promotes balance like Tai Chi, Chi Gung or Kaiut yoga," Cullen suggests. "Practices that cultivate physical balance train the nervous system toward steadiness. Slow, deliberate movement integrates breath, posture and attention, helping the body learn regulation directly rather than through thought alone."
6. Meditate
"Meditation strengthens the capacity to observe thoughts, emotions and sensations without immediately reacting," she says. "Over time, this repeated practice builds familiarity with change itself, allowing experience to unfold without being swept away by it."
Related: Work Through Anxiety With These 50 Simple Mantras for Relaxation
"Questioning your immediate interpretations interrupts automatic belief in the mind’s first story," Cullen explains. "This simple inquiry creates space for nuance, alternative explanations and a more grounded response."
Related: These 7 ‘Annoying’ Habits Actually Signal Intelligence, Psychologist Says
Benefits of Leaning Into Equanimity
"Equanimity changes how we relate to stress, emotion and uncertainty at a fundamental level," Cullen tells Parade. Here are just a handful of the benefits it provides:
Psychological benefits
"Psychologically, it lowers emotional reactivity and shortens recovery time after upset," she says. "Research in mindfulness and emotion regulation shows that higher equanimity is associated with reduced anxiety, depression and rumination."
Related: People Who Lack Emotional Self-Regulation Often Do These 8 Things Without Realizing It, Psychologists Say
"Equanimity is linked to lower chronic stress activation, healthier cortisol patterns, reduced cardiovascular strain during emotional challenges and improved sleep through decreased hyperarousal," Cullen says. "The body functions more efficiently when the mind is less reactive."
Interpersonal benefits
"Equanimity reduces defensiveness and reactive conflict," she explains. "It allows empathy to be present without emotional overwhelm. Others often experience a person with equanimity as steady and trustworthy because reactions are measured rather than extreme."
Behavioral benefits
"Equanimity supports better decision making, especially in uncertain conditions," Cullen reveals. "It reduces impulsivity and compulsive behavior, and it helps sustain motivation without burnout. Engagement can remain strong without becoming consuming."
She explains that equanimity "improves emotional regulation, stress physiology, relationships, decision quality and overall well being by stabilizing how the mind responds to changing experience."
OK, I'm sold!
Up Next:
Related: 'I Swapped Doomscrolling for Daily Affirmations—Here’s What Actually Changed in 7 Days'
Source:
Margaret Cullen, psychotherapist, meditation teacher and author of Quiet Strength: Find Peace, Feel Alive, and Love Boundlessly Through the Power of EquanimityHence then, the article about a psychotherapist is begging people to stop making this common mistake on social media was published today ( ) and is available on Parade ( Saudi Arabia ) The editorial team at PressBee has edited and verified it, and it may have been modified, fully republished, or quoted. You can read and follow the updates of this news or article from its original source.
Read More Details
Finally We wish PressBee provided you with enough information of ( A Psychotherapist Is Begging People To Stop Making This Common Mistake on Social Media )
Also on site :
- Cozy Tuesday, tracking a dangerous heatwave this week
- Trump is hopelessly confused by his own war
- Disgusting! Mamdani Hosts Columbia Hamas Superfan Mahmoud Khalil for Ramadan Meal at Gracie Mansion