Hilary Duff is giving rare insight into her relationship and coparenting dynamic with ex-husband Mike Comrie.
“It just got to a point where it wasn’t going to be,” Duff, 38, said on the Wednesday, February 25, episode of the “Call Her Daddy” podcast when asked how she knew her marriage to Comrie, 45, was over.
“I think he was good with it because I was like, ‘Here’s this, this, this.’ And he was like, ‘Great,’” she continued. “This was before conscious uncoupling was a thing. My parents went through such a bad divorce that I was like, calling it made it really painful, but like, we are not together anymore, so obviously it was bad enough that it just wasn’t working.”
Duff and Comrie tied the knot in 2010, welcoming son Luca two years later. The pair went their separate ways in 2014 and finalized their divorce two years later.
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“That was a really tough call because we had not even a 2-year-old kid,” Duff reflected. “I remember doing everything in my power to have it be peaceful and have us hanging out and spending time together. Every time we would trade, it wouldn’t just be a drop off, pick up situation, we would go to the park and hang or go have a meal. It was really important to me to do it in a way that Luca could feel comfy.”
She continued, “I can’t remember the exact time I was going to call this, but it happened pretty fast. It wasn’t working anymore. But I remember the one thing that was really hard about it was processing that it was happening and it was going to happen and going through all of those emotions. It was a really scary time to just not want to f*** up your kid. You put all of your stuff aside and I had to deal with all of that later to just make sure that he was OK.”
Duff recalled having to process her divorce “along with the world,” noting that she began to mourn the end of her marriage when she started “dating again.”
“I had a lot of therapy,” she said. “That was a very helpful tool to help confront the feelings that would come up, you know? … I was 27, 28 and that’s such a crazy time. That’s a very fun time of your life and I started to allow myself to have fun through something really painful. I feel like that is actually a very heavy theme in my life.”
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Duff noted that on her new record, Luck … Or Something, there are “a lot of heavy themes” that are “disguised as joy because it’s pop music.”
“I feel like that is a huge part of how I operate,” she explained. “Like, this big thing can be happening over here and it’s really hard and it’s a struggle and I’m going to sort it out and sometimes I might push it down and deal with it later or I’m going to be tackling it right now. But I genuinely am such a happy person that I seem to be able to get through things.”
She continued, “Also, I think I knew from my parent’s divorce that I was going to show my kid that you’ve got to fight for your happiness. I knew that it was going to be better to do it when he was younger than it was going to be when he was 5 and aware, or 8 and aware, and then kids put a whole different element of guilt on themselves for their marriage not working out. I was like, ‘If Luca can not remember this and have two lives that exist, that he can be happy in and feel secure in, I think we’re winning.’”
Duff advised anyone going through a divorce to have a therapist to help with “processing the feelings” while also “[standing] up for yourself.”
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“The same thing could have been going on for him, you know what I mean?” Duff said. “I’m not just like, ‘I up and left.’ It was a collaborative thing that needed to happen. But you gotta fight for yourself and it doesn’t matter that you have kids. Your kids are going to be OK … You just have to show them that you also matter.”
She continued, “I think that that was a big thing for me, is like, when you have kids you kind of become so all consumed by them and they get your everything, and it was important for me to not let that be a factor, because a 2-year-old can’t decide that.”
After her split from Comrie, Duff moved on with Matthew Koma, with whom she welcomed daughter Banks in 2018. The couple wed the following year and later welcomed daughters Mae and Townes in 2021 and 2024, respectively.
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