Well, that was quite a year, wasn’t it? I’ve been given a thousand words to sum up all of President Donald Trump’s great accomplishments during the last twelve months. I thought that would be easy until they told me I couldn’t use curse words.
But let’s give it a try. I’ve still got nine hundred and fifty words. Let’s start with January.
The president told us he was going to end the war in Ukraine on the first day of his administration. His position on that has changed, but I think we have to cut him some slack on this one; it can’t be easy deciding whether you want to be on the team of our NATO allies of the last seventy-five years or a team that features Russia, North Korea, and Iran. That’s a tough call.
It turns out his “plan” was for Ukraine to just give Russia the Ukrainian territory it had invaded. When Ukraine inexplicably rejected this peace proposal and equally inexplicably kept his buddy Vladimir Putin’s Russian behemoth at bay, no one could expect him to live up to his ending-the-war promise. It just turned out to be much more complicated than anyone as unfamiliar with war as he is could have expected.
His position now is that we should just let these two nations “fight for a while.” He actually said that out loud.
This is a great plan. I’ve used it many times myself in raising my children. Of course, my children didn’t have missiles and drones and weren’t killing thousands of people and threatening nuclear power plants, but you can’t let little details like that get in the way of a great plan.
The war may not have ended on the first day of his administration—or for that matter the first year. It may in fact have gotten worse and worse and established the United States as a paper tiger.
But his magnificent non-handling of it won Donald Trump the first-ever FIFA Peace Prize, a peace prize granted by a sports organization unable to bring peace to soccer matches and desperate to keep him from interfering with its World Cup games scheduled in the United States next year.
This is, of course, a much bigger deal than that silly Nobel thing. It can’t be long before the NBA and the NCAA and the Southeast Conference and other important world leaders follow suit.
And his fulfillment of his promise to fix the economy has been equally impressive. Expect the prestigious FIFA Prize for Economics any day now.
I’m told—by the president—that our economic woes are all but over. He said just recently that, “We’re poised for an economic boom, the likes of which the world has never seen.”
Of course, we’ve been poised for that all year. I’m so poised I don’t know what to do with myself.
Apparently, the economy is just waiting to boom. It’s crouched like a tiger about to spring, cleverly disguising itself as on the verge of a recession so its prey—presumably all the economic experts telling us we’re headed to economic hell in a handbasket—will be caught off-guard.
And it’s working like a charm. All those economic experts will be amazed. They keep reading all the stories this newspaper runs about job layoffs and businesses folding, and insisting the Great Leader’s tariffs are making things worse.
But you really can’t blame the tariffs because they’re only in effect about half the time. The president announced them in April, revoked them in May, then reimposed them, then slashed some and increased others…
Nobody knows from day to day whether tariffs are going to apply to their products or their vendors. And yet the experts tell us they’re a bad thing when they can’t even tell us if they’re on or off. Stupid experts.
Yeah, I know the tariffs have just about wiped out the farmers. But the president says we’ll give them some of the leftover money from the tariffs and they’ll be fine.
I hope the president will give some leftover tariff money to the rest of us. His big beautiful bill threatens to wipe out health insurance for millions and my gasoline and egg prices still haven’t gone down.
He tells us gasoline is under two dollars a gallon in some places. I figure those places are Mar-a-Lago’s private pumps. They sure aren’t any place we peasants have access to.
But I’m sticking with the president. You can’t change horses in midstream, and now that we’re bombing people everywhere but Iowa, it’s no time to be picky about the economy.
Omg, I’m out of words. My thousand words is almost up, and I haven’t even talked about the brilliance—and legality—of bombing Venezuelan cargo vessels and shooting the helpless survivors of those attacks.
I didn’t talk about the wonderfully successful deployment of the National Guard to any city that irritated the president.
I didn’t talk about the health care plan that is also “poised” to replace the Affordable Care Act and bring us great health care any minute now.
I didn’t mention tearing down part of the White House while nobody was looking to build a big, beautiful ballroom (not as big and beautiful as the bill, but still pretty big and beautiful).
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I didn’t even get to replacing the board of directors at the Kennedy Center and then having the new board rename it after him.
My year-in-review barely got to May. There was so much wonderfulness I didn’t get to review.
And I was “poised” for a review “the likes of which the world has never seen.” What a shame.
William W. Bedsworth was an associate justice of the California Court of Appeal from 1997-2024. Prior to that, he served as an Orange County Superior Court judge from 1987–1997.
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