The holidays are all about sitting around the table and catching up with family and friends over a delicious meal. At the same time, these joyful gatherings can become awkward rather quickly when the discussion turns to one of several potentially touchy topics. If you're spending some quality time with your adult children this season and are hoping to avoid a heated exchange, psychologists recommend skipping certain conversations altogether.Of course, that's easier said than done since parents tend to have a natural level of curiosity about what's going on in their children's lives, even when they're all grown up. But just because you and your grown-up kids are comfortable with each other doesn't necessarily mean that they feel like divulging everything to you. And it also doesn't mean you're entitled to the private details of their lives either.Most of us only want peace and harmony within our families, so Parade consulted a few psychologists to find out which seven holiday conversation topics to avoid with your adult children, since they're most likely to cause chaos at the dinner table. With their expert insight, you'll know what discussions to steer clear of so everyone can have a very merry holiday season without any unwanted drama.Related: How to Actually Enjoy the Holidays Again: Psychologists Share 13 Strategies That Work for Women Over 50
Why Do Certain Conversations Come up More During the Holidays?
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The holiday season can bring out the best in us and encourage us to give back to others, while taking the time to feel grateful for all that we have. At the same time, the busiest weeks of the year can also stir up a bit of conflict. If it seems like your family get-togethers always turn stressful and sour this time of year, you may be wondering why someone always inevitably brings up at least one touchy topic during holiday parties."Certain conversations come up more during the holidays because people spend more time together and have space to talk," says Dr. Stefanie Mazer, Psy.D, a psychologist in Palm Beach, FL. "Family traditions and memories often spark topics that don’t surface during the busy parts of the year. The holidays also bring up feelings about goals, relationships and the past, which naturally lead to deeper discussions."The holidays are supposed to be joyful, but they also come along with a lot of pressure, so many families feel compelled to have meaningful conversations while getting together."During the holidays, we often feel like we’re supposed to be connecting. When people try to connect, they bring up 'highlights of life,' and that’s why these topics show up," Dr. Jenny Yip, PsyD, ABPP, a board-certified clinical psychologist, says. "It’s not just the holidays. But since people gather more during this time, you notice it more."Related: Psychologists Say These 12 ‘Nice’ Habits Actually Cause More Holiday Stress
Most of us have been conditioned to think that uncomfortable conversations are just par for the course at holiday gatherings, but that doesn't have to be the case. If you're craving a conflict-free get-together this year, the psychologists we polled recommend avoiding these topics with your adult children.
Politics have become an incredibly divisive issue, so it's best to ditch hot-button political topics at the dinner table. "It brings up a lot of controversy, especially if you have different opinions. During the holidays, it’s not the time to be bickering about topics like this," Dr. Yip says.Dr. Mazer notes that the holidays can "dredge up old family patterns" and says political debates "tend to send everyone right back into childhood roles.""These conversations rarely change anyone’s mind, and they almost always raise tension," she shares.Related: 12 Emotionally Intelligent Ways To Handle Passive-Aggressive Comments at Holiday Gatherings
2. Romantic relationships
Whether your adult child is happily single or they just got out of a long-term relationship, talking about their romantic status with loved ones isn't necessarily at the top of their holiday wish list. "Asking about their relationship status or their love life can be sensitive," Dr. Yip explains. "These questions might bring up pain, grief or anxiety, especially if they’re uncertain about where they are in their relationships."Although you might be genuinely curious, pressing an adult child to share intimate details about their love life can come across as "pressure or judgment," according to Dr. Mazer.
Many parents dream of becoming grandparents one day, but your adult child's desire to have children of their own is a deeply personal decision, so it's best to avoid asking questions about their plans for starting a family."Asking about marriage, babies or 'what’s taking so long' can open wounds you may not know exist," Dr. Mazer says. "Fertility, finances and relationship stability are sensitive areas, and pressure only distances people."In other words, it's best to allow your adult children to lead the conversation at their own pace and comfort level.Related: If Holiday Visits Leave You Drained, These 10 ‘Emotionally Intelligent’ Boundaries Help—Especially for Women Over 50
4. Physical appearance
Unsolicited comments about your physical appearance always sting, so try to resist the urge to tell your adult child they should hit the gym or make more of an effort to look polished."Even casual remarks about weight loss, gain or how someone 'looks tired' hit deeper than parents realize," Dr. Mazer explains. "These comments can stir up insecurity, and they can make a holiday table feel more like an evaluation."The psychologist suggests complimenting "effort or energy instead of appearance" and says it's best to focus on how happy you are to see your adult child.
It's been a tough year for many professionals, with a plethora of companies announcing mass layoffs over the last few months. Whether your adult child is looking for work or they're lucky to still have a job, the holidays aren't the time to pressure them about career goals."Bringing up promotions, salary, timelines or comparing your child to someone else’s kid often sparks feelings of inadequacy," Dr. Mazer shares. "Adults already carry enough pressure around achievement. Aim for curiosity, not scorekeeping. A simple 'How’s work feeling lately?' invites conversation without turning it into a performance review."
6. Parenting choices
Everyone has their own parenting style, and trying to impose your methods on your adult children as they navigate this stage of their life is never a good idea. "Comments like 'Why don’t you…?' or unsolicited advice about kids’ behavior, school, activities or discipline quickly become judgment-laden. This is especially triggering for parents already carrying the invisible load," Dr. Yip explains.
7. Past conflicts
No family is perfect, and we all have drama from time to time. But the holidays are supposed to bring people together, so Dr. Yip recommends pressing pause on any difficult discussions for the time being when you get together for the holidays."If there’s unresolved tension, this isn’t the moment to 'hash things out.' Alcohol plus nostalgia plus stress equals emotional landmines," she shares.Related: 11 Things Grandparents Should Never Say to a Stay-at-Home Mom, According to Psychologists
What To Do if Heated Conversations Come Up During the Holidays
We've all been there: Your parents start talking about a controversial subject, then the room instantly goes silent, and all you can hear is the sound of everyone chewing. If your parents simply can't resist bringing up an uncomfortable topic at your next holiday gathering, there are a few ways to diffuse the situation with grace.
Set boundaries: "Adult children can start by politely saying which topics they don’t want to discuss," Dr. Mazer says. "Speaking up gently about boundaries often makes the rest of the time together easier." Rely on humor: "If a question feels too personal, you can give a short answer and change the subject. Joking a little can help ease the tension," she notes.Take a few minutes to yourself: "Stepping away for a few minutes can give everyone a break," she shares.Keep answers short: "Respond vaguely if you don’t want to share," Dr. Yip says. Consider the following phrases: “That’s something I’m still figuring out” or “I don’t really have an answer right now.”Promise to revisit the conversation later: "Delay the conversation by saying something like, 'We can find time to talk about this after the holidays,'" she explains.Up Next:
Related: How To Set Boundaries Around Gift-Giving Without Sounding Rude, According to Psychologists
Sources:
Dr. Stefanie Mazer, Psy.D, is a psychologist in Palm Beach, FL.Dr. Jenny Yip, PsyD, ABPP, is a board-certified clinical psychologist.Hence then, the article about the 7 holiday conversation topics psychologists say to avoid with adult children in 2025 was published today ( ) and is available on Parade ( Saudi Arabia ) The editorial team at PressBee has edited and verified it, and it may have been modified, fully republished, or quoted. You can read and follow the updates of this news or article from its original source.
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