Harriette Cole: Why aren’t my sons dating? I even offered to pay for it. ...Middle East

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have twin sons who are in college at different schools. They are good kids but a bit young for their age. I don’t think either of them has ever dated.

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I have always taught them that they should have enough money to take a woman out on a date, and right now they aren’t working. I offered to give them some cash to help them in case they do want to take someone on a date, but so far neither has taken me up on it.

Have I done something wrong as a mother? Why are they so delayed?

— Arrested Development

DEAR ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT: Everyone matures at their own pace. There is nothing you can do to quicken it, nor should you try.

Give your sons space to get their education and build their lives. You can encourage them to meet people and make friends, but there’s no reason to push them into anyone’s arms until they are ready. If they seem content in their lives, let them be.

Keep the conversation open so that you learn if there is someone interesting to either of them. Trust that in time someone special may come along.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter graduated from college a few months ago. She got her first career job and decided to move out.

I advised her to stay at my home a while longer and use the opportunity to save some money, but she wanted to be on her own, so I supported her decision.

Recently, I decided that I might use her bedroom as a sewing space. I set up two desks and a small shelving unit. I shared the news with my daughter, and she was offended. She keeps saying that she’s barely left and I’m pushing her out.

I haven’t removed any of her furniture; her bed and knickknacks are still in place for whenever she wants to visit.

I tried to remind my daughter that I never wanted her to leave in the first place, but apparently that doesn’t mean much now that I’ve taken over her room.

How do I reassure my daughter that despite the addition of a sewing table, there will always be room for her here?

— Taking Over

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DEAR TAKING OVER: Don’t allow yourself to feel guilty. Your daughter made her decision, and you have made yours.

Honestly, it is even OK for you to put her knickknacks away and turn the room fully into your sewing room. Leaving a bed there for her to sleep in when she visits is practical and kind and will assure her that she is welcome and remembered. You can remain a safety net for her without allowing her to hold your house hostage.

You can do this with compassion. It was a big deal for her to move out, and she is showing you her fear of cutting this cord, so to speak. Assure her that you will always be there for her. You are proud of her courage to go out there on her own, and she is always welcome to come home.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.

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