At 39, I’m childless and grieving the future I could have had ...Middle East

Until recently, I would’ve assumed someone of Kim Kardashian’s status was happily embracing single life, going on endless dates with the many bachelors who must be eager to take one of the world’s most glamorous women out.

But, that image doesn’t match reality. Kim has admitted that, after her divorce from Kanye West, she actually feels hesitant about finding love again.“You get really comfortable the longer you’re single, and the thought of sharing a bed or your TV shows with someone else becomes less and less appealing because you get set in your ways,” she said on a recent episode of The Kardashians last week.

And just like that, Kim has inadvertently become part of a growing movement of women who are “decentering men”. It’s a buzzworthy shift: single women prioritising themselves, focusing on personal goals and detaching their happiness and self-worth from men or romantic relationships — and, as an unexpected by-product, contributing to declining birth rates.

Having been single for eight years now, I have mixed emotions about long-term singlehood. Not long ago, a woman like me – 39, childless and unmarried – was pitied as a “spinster”. However, social media today celebrates the independent, self-assured woman who doesn’t need or want a man and lives life unapologetically on her own terms. The once-lonely “cat lady” has been rebranded into something glamorous and aspirational.

Vogue’s recent viral piece by Chanté Joseph asking whether it’s now “embarrassing to have a boyfriend” struck a nerve worldwide. Women openly admitted that being in a relationship with a man no longer feels like a badge of honour – for some, it feels more like a burden. And while I applaud this new wave of female independence, I can’t help feeling uneasy about where we’re heading.

Morgan Stanley predicts that by 2030, 45 per cent of women aged 25 to 44 will be single and childless. Most people barely blink at that statistic, but to me it sketches out a quiet, growing shadow: the possibility of widespread loneliness.

Online, singlehood looks empowering: “likes” and “shares” create the illusion of strength. But privately, many women like myself are quietly grieving the possibility of never finding love or experiencing motherhood in the traditional sense. We’re also confronting the reality of maintaining financial stability on a single income, trying to enjoy life’s luxuries while weathering an unpredictable economy.

Yes, the modern woman is strong, powerful and capable – but I’m a cynical modern woman with a traditional soul. And, just as earlier generations felt misled by the promise of domestic bliss, I worry we’re now being sold the opposite illusion: that singlehood is the ultimate form of freedom and happiness. It feels like the pendulum has swung too far. I would rather not be another statistic in this age of performative independence.

I adore my circle of women, the council of sisterhood who are my rocks. But, they can’t replicate the presence of an intimate male partner to potentially build a life with. It’s not the same. Tomorrow, that “ride-or-die” single friend might meet her Mr Right: as we get older she may get married, have kids and become consumed by her own responsibilities.

There is nothing wrong with desiring male companionship or feeling sad when it hasn’t arrived in the time frame you hoped for. Yet, those feelings are often dismissed by the loudest voices in our culture — the ones repeating the familiar slogans: “Marriage is a scam.” “Stay single and child-free.” “Protect your peace.”

Ironically, many of these messages come from women who are themselves married or mothers. They may feel weighed down by those roles at times, but I question if they would truly trade their secure domestic life for the fleeting thrill of singlehood? The grass always looks greener on the other side.

The idea of long-term partnership with men is slowly being erased at an alarming rate. Women have become nonchalant, carefree, emotionally guarded, while men, experiencing their own identity crisis, scramble to understand where they now fit in a modern woman’s life and society. Commitment has faded into an abyss of one-night stands, swipes and situationships that imitate the real thing, but lack any substance.

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And women are playing along – myself included – for the sake of having some small, cheap semblance of companionship. Of course, I’m not saying we should go back to the 50s and aspire to be the “perfect housewife”. The freedom of choice is priceless, but being in love is an incredible feeling, and losing connection in the name of ambition isn’t always a fair trade.

I don’t dismiss or overlook the very real reasons many women have hardened their hearts. Too many have had to protect themselves after abusive or low-quality experiences with men. I’ve had my own share of kissing frogs and toxic situations, yet I remain a champion of love. I’ve learned more about myself through my interactions with men than I ever could in isolation.

In my ideal world, the battle of the sexes would finally reach a ceasefire. We would work to understand what leaves women feeling drained and unfulfilled – and men would take accountability for their part, too. But maybe that’s wishful thinking. For now, all I can do is honour my singlehood and hold space for it without turning it into a permanent home that leaves no room for the possibility of loving a man and being loved in return.

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