Cricket in Perth ain’t what it used to be. The Ashes opener is the first Test match against England to be held at the 62,000-seater Optus Stadium, as opposed to the beloved old “Waca”.
The old ground was only partially developed, and the most vociferous Australia fans had been sitting on “The Hill” and offering their own brand of hospitality to England fielders there since the 1970s.
Bosses at the Optus have tried to recreate some of that atmosphere by sacrificing a couple of hundred grey plastic seats for a small “West Test Hill” section inside the new ground – but the Aussies fans won’t need grass under their feet to let England know what they think of them.
“Fielding on the boundary, you’re isolated, you’re on your own and the Australian crowd are like a pack of wolves. It’s not banter: it’s just pure abuse,” Graeme Swann tells The i Paper.
“The best one I’ve heard is Phil Tufnell standing next to Yabbers Hill in Sydney, and someone yelled out, ‘Hey mate, can we borrow your brain? We’re building an idiot.’”
He adds: “What I’ve noticed is, England are the greatest nation at crowd singing and making funny songs, good song, clever songs. And the Aussies have nothing. It’s ‘Aussie, Aussie, Aussie… oi, oi, oi.’”
George Gregan, former scrum-half for the Wallabies, quips: “Can you come and coach us? How do we get better at it?”
Swann (right) meets The i Paper (Photo: C1 Media)I am sitting down with three men who know more about the England-Australia rivalry than most: Swann, who won three Ashes series in his career but also retired during a 5-0 humbling in 2013 series; Gregan, who won a World Cup for Australia in England and conversely lost one against them at home; and former England rugby union back Austin Healey, who insists he has the best record of the trio in the fixture because “we won loads of games in the under-21s”.
“When you were a kid, that was the only series you would imagine yourself playing,” says Swann.
“No disrespect to India, South Africa, New Zealand: it was all about the Ashes. I wanted to get Allan Border out at Sydney one day to win the Ashes. I didn’t do the maths very well!”
But Swann did get his way, in part, even if it was Mike Hussey, not Border, that he dismissed in 2009 to claim the series at the Oval.
Swann adds: “It’s still the most goosebumps I’ve ever had in my life.”
It is the most historic rivalry in cricket, but in rugby it has a storied struggle too: the 57 meetings between England and Australia have been split almost down the middle (England lead 29-27, with one draw) but for 51-cap international Austin Healey it was as much about knocking the best team in the world off their perch – which happened to be the Wallabies.
“Australia were a very, very good just as I got into the England team,” Healey says.
“Then they won the World Cup in 1999 so you wanted to beat the best teams: we wanted to beat Australia, we wanted to beat New Zealand. And England hadn’t really done it for long period and not consistently.”
Swann, Gregan and Healey (left to right) all have experience of the England-Australia rivalry (Photo: C1 Media)Results in the fixture seem to become totemic in each team’s history. When Healey and England beat Australia in 2000 for only the second time in a decade, it was largely the same team that would go on to down them in a World Cup final three years later.
“I played in the game when you got us at Twickenham, and [Dan Luger] scored in the corner,” Gregan says to Healey of that 22-19 win, which ended with Luger’s score eight minutes into added time.
“That was a big part of you becoming world champions in 2003. You were able to win at home, Twickenham was a fortress, but then you were able to take their game away and win.”
His England counterpart has less fond memories of the result.
“I missed a tackle against Joe Roff in that game which cost us a try,” Healey reveals.
“I got dropped out the squad for the first time ever the next week I missed one tackle! I came back though. That time.”
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— The i Paper Sport (@TheiPaperSport) November 19, 2025Despite the generosity of his defence, Healey did not endear himself to the Australians, even if he says it was not his fault. During the 2001 Lions tour, a newspaper column in his name called second row Justin Harrison “an ape, a plank and a plod”.
“I didn’t actually say anything be cause I was in hospital! Eddie Butler wrote it for me,” he protests.
“People still refer to it when I’m in Australia. Think Harrison is still called the plank, isn’t he?”
The Aussie had the last laugh though, stealing a last-minute line-out to win the third Test as the Lions drove towards the line in search of a match-winning try.
Never one to back down, Healey was unfazed by defeat and humiliation, heading out on the town that night with his team-mates determined to enjoy himself.
“I was on a mix of valium and red wine because I had a prolapsed disc in my back,” he explains.
“We were in [well-known Sydney bar] The Establishment. They had ripped off my blazer and my sleeve, and I was arm-wrestling anybody for $100 a go.
“I’ve never lost an arm wrestle, so we had quite a lot of money, and this massive guy came over, big body-builder, he went ‘Double or quits’. There was probably $2,000 there, Matt Dawson was managing the cash.
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“This guy sat down, he brought his cash. I banged his arm into the table and he punched me in the face. A big fight erupted, and then I woke up in Fiji, sat next to my pregnant wife. Last thing I remember is Scott Quinnell picking him up above his head, and then I woke up.”
Australian hospitality. There’s nothing quite like it.
Watch TNT Sports’ live exclusive coverage of The Ashes – alongside every Quilter Nations Series match, live Premier League and UEFA club football and more – on TNT Sports and discovery+
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