No mum should be seen dead at a hen do – even Adam Peaty’s ...Middle East

I’ve been to more than a few hen parties in my time. I’ve done the tried-and-tested EasyJet circuit between London and Berlin, Croatia and Krakow more times than I can count, obediently lugging a carry-on suitcase behind a bride-to-be who has already sunk several drinks at the airport Wetherspoons.

But as I enter my mid-thirties, I’ve begun to think that hen dos – and wedding culture as a whole – have become less about a celebration of love, and more about fulfilling an expensive and seemingly endless list of social obligations, none of which anybody has actually signed up for.

Take, for instance, the latest celebrity and parent-in-law row involving influencer Holly Ramsay – daughter of Gordon Ramsay – and her engagement to Olympic swimmer Adam Peaty. The pair’s upcoming nuptials have noticeably snubbed one very important person: Peaty’s own mother, Caroline.

As per the Daily Mail, this all stems from an “astonishing feud” arising from Ramsay failing to invite her future mother-in-law to the hen do. Caroline’s only response has been – in classic “furious Facebook mum” fashion – to post cryptic messages like “the ones I love are the people who hurt me the most” on her socials. This isn’t the first high-profile wedding-related uproar: Brooklyn Beckham and Nicola Peltz may have married three years ago, but the Beckham family drama continues to rumble on.

I do feel some sympathy for Peaty herself, particularly given Ramsay’s mother was there on the night. But if Ramsay wanted to steer clear of all the drama, she should have just followed my advice to all would-be brides and their hen party organisers: no mums allowed. It’s just not necessary. In fact, it’s not even desirable.

Hear me out. Of course I understand that inviting both sets of mums is de rigueur these days. I’ve seen the “mother-in-law” sashes and colour-coordinated merch. I know that some women would rather turn down free hen group tickets to Magic Mike Live than leave their beloved mums off the guest list. But I also know that hen and stag dos are breeding grounds of conflict and stress. Expectations run high: it’s a potent brew of nerves and excitement, the sense that this is the bride or groom’s last chance to have a blow-out party before their big day.

Now take into consideration that you are combining disparate social groups of friends, which is a potential source of anxiety on its own at the best of times. (There is no greater awkwardness than your childhood friend hating your best mate from uni on sight – trust me on this one.) Toss a parent – the one person in the world who still remembers what it was like to wipe your bum as a child – into that febrile mix and you may as well spray napalm on an open fire.

That’s before you even get to the eye-watering cost of the average hen party. In 2023, a guest could expect to spend around £779 in the UK or £1,208 abroad. This year, an Aviva report found that invitees now spend an average of £1,664 on an overseas trip. This wouldn’t be an issue if everyone democratically voted on a pre-arranged budget – but good luck mooting that in the WhatsApp group chat.

In reality, what individual guests can and can’t afford often falls to the wayside once the hen organisers start planning the itinerary. Here’s a message to strike fear in the heart of every woman in her late twenties and early thirties: “Hi girlies Can everyone please Monzo me £450 for accom and hen do outfits ASAP?” Of course, nobody wants to be the lone dissenter who requests a cheaper spa or a less spenny holiday destination.

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And lo: a supposedly lovely weekend away descends into a cesspit of unspoken seething resentment, which may or may not get unleashed after two solid nights of drinking. Hen and stag dos are unique social experiments which ask the question: what if all your mates were invited on a holiday not of their choosing, which incidentally costs them loads of money? Now ask yourself: would you want your mum to attend? Would your mum even want to be there?

I don’t mean to sound like a killjoy (But while I’m at it, I’d also like to point out that, given that in the UK 42 per cent of marriages end in divorce, a hen do may not be the source of as many happy memories as we think). The wedding-industrial complex has sunk its claws into so many of us, hen party and all. What started as a light-hearted way for a bride-to-be to gather some of her closest friends and celebrate is now a military operation with the budget and social stakes to match.

As Caroline Peaty and Holly Ramsay are discovering, it also means that they now come with nuclear levels of potential fallout.

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