For parents raising young children, you likely already know what being a "helicopter parent" means, but what about a "lighthouse parent"? The latter term is newer to the world of parenting research, but the parenting style can do so much good for your child. In fact, Parade consulted a psychologist to learn which traits can develop in adulthood if kids are raised by lighthouse parents.Helicopter parenting—when a parent is overly involved in their child's life, even to the child's detriment—has been a term since 1969, according to Parents. By contrast, lighthouse parenting is a much newer concept, according to Deseret News. It originated in 2015 in pediatrician Dr. Kenneth Ginsburg's book Raising Kids to Thrive: Balancing Love With Expectations and Protection With Trust. But even though the name of the parenting style is new, that doesn't mean some parents haven't already practiced it. And if they have, they can expect their lighthouse-parented children to develop certain traits into adulthood.Parade spoke with Dr. Cara Damiano Goodwin, PhD, a licensed psychologist and founder of Parenting Translator, about the "lighthouse parent" concept, which has to do with autonomy and how to parent alongside a child's self-determination."Lighthouse parenting is relevant for parents from toddlerhood to young adults," she tells Parade.If you want to find out what lighthouse parenting is and how to implement this parenting style in your own life, read on. Plus, we share what you need to know about how your child may turn out as a result of it.Related: Parents and Grandparents Who Raise Self-Aware Kids Often Do These 6 Things, According to Child Psychologists
What Are 'Lighthouse Parents'?
"Lighthouse parenting is really just another way of framing what researchers have known for decades is good for children, and that is balancing love and support with autonomy and limits," Dr. Goodwin tells Parade.Basically, lighthouse parenting is when parents observe from afar, showing up whenever their child needs them but also letting them do their own thing."Ideally, parents will give children less and less support as the child gains skills and confidence," she shares. "It is never too late to step back and allow your child to have more autonomy in their lives."The name comes from the concept that parents "are like a lighthouse that points out the dangers in their children's environments" but still lets the child "steer their own boat," Dr. Goodwin explains. "They do not remove the dangers or prevent their child from experiencing them," she adds. "In other words, parents are present and caring but also give their children independence and autonomy."She says the term itself is so new that there hasn't been enough specific research on the parenting outcomes. "But we do know from research that parents who give their children more autonomy have children with [certain] traits," she adds.Related: 9 Mistakes Well-Meaning Parents Make That Child Psychologists Wish They’d Stop
"Instead of jumping in to solve a problem for their child, parents should give their children time and space to solve the problem on their own," Dr. Goodwin says. This builds important problem-solving skills that the children can rely on for the rest of their lives. She adds that if parents do feel the need to step in and offer more support in an area, they can do so in a collaborative way. "Come up with a solution together that the child then implements," she says.
2. Higher self-esteem
When a child is allowed to figure things out on their own, which includes wins as well as failures, they see what they're able to do. And with that, they develop high self-esteem."Being a lighthouse parent sets a child up for success because it teaches children independence, resilience and self-reliance," Dr. Goodwin says. "These traits will ultimately enhance a child's self-esteem and competence."
Dr. Goodwin says a drop in depression symptoms "may be related to increased self-confidence." She adds that with lighthouse parenting, "children gain the confidence and ability to manage themselves."Related: People Who Were Raised by ‘Authoritative Parents’ Often Develop These 5 Traits as Adults, a Psychologist Says
4. More self-control
"When a parent trusts a child to make their own decisions, it gives children confidence and a sense of control over their own life," Dr. Goodwin says.She adds that there is a "potential drawback" for this parenting style, which is "that it may involve seeing your child struggle or even fail at something, which is difficult for any parent."But just remember that you're helping them build lifelong skills from a young age.
"Children will learn how to handle social conflict on their own and have realistic expectations for relationships," Dr. Goodwin says. This can lead to "improved relationships with friends," she adds.
6. More successful in school
Dr. Goodwin says this style of parenting can benefit children in school, which in turn can set them up for a successful future. "Children learn improved academic skills because they aren't being overly supported by their parents," Dr. Goodwin says.After all, if parents are doing too much of the work for the child, how are they going to learn?
Going hand-in-hand with success at school is success in motivating themselves to achieve in general. "Children learn to work hard... because they find it intrinsically satisfying rather than trying to please a parent," Dr. Goodwin says.Related: The Surprising Phrase You Should Stop Saying to Your Child or Grandchild—and What To Say Instead
8. Fewer behavioral problems
"When parents let children experience the consequences of their own behavior, children will be less likely to show behavioral problems," Dr. Goodwin says. "Children learn how to regulate themselves because they are not being regulated by their parents."Related: Child Psychologists Are Begging Parents and Grandparents to Never Turn a Blind Eye to These 12 Behaviors
9. Improved ability to cope with stress
In life, we all face stressful situations—but lighthouse parenting can equip children to successfully manage that stress. "Children of lighthouse parents have the experience of facing problems and setbacks in the presence of a loving parent who is there to support them when they need it, so they gain the skills to face these difficult situations on their own," Dr. Goodwin says.She cautions that parents should be aware if a situation becomes unmanageable, though. "Lighthouse parents need to be very sensitive to their child’s needs, which only they can determine by fully knowing their child," she explains. "When the situation becomes one that they are not capable of handling independently or when they are at risk of having to deal with toxic stress, parents should step in."Dr. Goodwin adds, "Lighthouse parents know that a manageable amount of stress is good for children and can determine the difference between manageable and toxic stress."Like a lighthouse illuminating potential dangers for their kids, "parents [can] stand back and guide their children without intervening," Dr. Goodwin says. This allows the child to have space to learn and grow into a successful, independent and emotionally intelligent adult.Up Next:
Related: These 11 Phrases Can Help You Raise Emotionally Resilient Kids, Psychologists Say
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Dr. Cara Damiano Goodwin, PhD, is a licensed psychologist and the founder of Parenting Translator. Find her on Instagram @parentingtranslator.Hence then, the article about people who were raised by lighthouse parents often develop these 9 traits as adults a psychologist says was published today ( ) and is available on Parade ( Saudi Arabia ) The editorial team at PressBee has edited and verified it, and it may have been modified, fully republished, or quoted. You can read and follow the updates of this news or article from its original source.
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