People Who Were Raised by ‘Lawnmower Parents’ Often Develop These 6 Traits as Adults, a Psychologist Says ...Saudi Arabia

There are numerous nicknames for parenting styles. There's "helicopter," "FAFO" and "gentle"—it can be challenging to keep track without a dictionary. While we don't mean to add to your list of styles to look up, one psychologist has noticed a rising trend in people using "lawnmower parenting," which describes parents who try to make life easier for their children by removing obstacles. Sounds nice, but it's actually detrimental to a child's sense of independence and resilience skills. "In a world where college admissions, sports and even kindergarten readiness can feel like high-stakes competitions, many parents see their children’s success as a reflection of their own," explainsDr. Amy Todey, Ph.D., a psychologist. "The result is a generation of parents so determined to make life smooth for their kids that they sometimes take away the very challenges that build resilience."Lawnmower parenting has become popular lately—likely unintentionally. However, it isn't new, and even older generations may still need to work out the effects, such as traits common in adults raised by "lawnmower parents," which Dr. Todey shares. She knows that healing from lawnmower parenting can feel like an overwhelming chore, so she offers tips to jumpstart your journey too.Related: If You Heard These 9 Phrases as a Child, Your Parents Likely Weren’t Ready To Have Kids, a Psychologist Says

Lawnmower parenting is a style in which caregivers "mow down"—or eliminate—challenges before a child can even notice them. You may also hear it referred to as "snowplow" or "bulldozer" parenting. For example, this can look like you doing the "hard part" of a puzzle before a child can try, so they don't get upset. Or it can look like you mad-dashing out the door to give a teen the soccer cleats they were supposed to pack.Dr. Todey says lawnmower parenting is distinct from "helicopter parenting.""While helicopter parents hover anxiously waiting to rescue their children when things get hard, lawnmower parents go a step further, clearing every obstacle before their child even encounters it," she explains.Now, to be clear, "lawnmower" parents aren't bad people, and they often want what's best for their kids. It's just that constantly removing obstacles ASAP carries long-term risks."This instinct usually comes from a combination of love and fear, from parents who are desperate to protect their children from pain or failure... but the result is that the child misses out on learning essential problem-solving and self-soothing skills," she warns.Related: Child Psychologists Are Begging Parents and Grandparents to Never Turn a Blind Eye to These 10 Habits

6 Common Traits of Adults Raised by 'Lawnmower Parents,' Psychologist Reveals

Kids aren't born knowing how to play the piano or shoot hoops. They need to practice these skills. The same goes for frustration, but Dr. Todey warns that lawnmower parenting robs kids of the chance to flex this muscle."Adult survivors of lawnmower parenting have not had the opportunity to cultivate the skill of tolerating difficult emotions for the sake of accomplishing a task." she explains. "They may expect that the path forward should be easy for them, and when they face challenges, they may lack the 'grit' to get through them."Related: 9 Common ‘Grit Gaslighting’ Phrases—and What To Say Instead

2. Perfectionistic tendencies

Like people on a never-ending quest to have the greenest lawn on the block, perfectionists are chasing an impossible goal. However, people raised by lawnmower parents will try to become the first people in the history of the universe to get everything right 112% of the time."When parents constantly intervene to prevent failure, kids internalize the belief that their worth depends on flawless performance and external validation," Dr. Todey warns.She warns that these children can develop into adults who are their own biggest critics, suffer from anxiety and are afraid to make mistakes.

Dr. Todey takes a page from Jonathan Haidt's book, The Anxious Generation, for this one. She notes that Haidt is big on he idea that "the strongest predictor of childhood anxiety isn’t a lack of love, it’s a lack of autonomy."Dr. Todey reports that when parents shield kids from age-appropriate risks or don't let them play and practice independence, they miss out on the opportunity to develop the belief that they can succeed and cope with challenges. Cue the anxiety that rolls on into adulthood."Adult survivors of lawnmower parenting may have difficulty differentiating fear and danger, as they have not often been placed in situations where they have had to tolerate discomfort or unsettling emotions," she says.In adulthood, they may start interpreting this anxiety as an always-on signal that something is "wrong," rather than the idea that it's normal to experience negative emotions, especially when you're trying to do hard things.As a result, she says adults raised by lawnmower parents may struggle to take risks and wind up feeling perpetually "stuck."Related: Psychologists Are Begging Parents and Grandparents To Give These 10 ‘Growth Mindset’ Compliments to Kids

4. Bad relationship with 'failure'

Lawnmower parents proactively anticipate and address any problems a child may encounter, so they rarely fail. The problem?"Failure is the essential teacher that helps kids develop resilience, independence and a true sense of mastery that they will need in adulthood," Dr. Todey explains.Related: These 11 Phrases Can Help You Raise Emotionally Resilient Kids, Psychologists Say

Lawnmower parents think they're connecting a child's needs by nixing potential challenges. However, it can cause long-term issues in relationships. Dr. Todey says that lawnmower parenting can limit emotional growth, undermine a child's ability to form strong bonds and make it harder to relate to others. "Over time, these patterns can make it harder to form healthy partnerships, leaving many adults craving closeness but fearing the vulnerability it requires," she explains.Related: 10 Traits of Parents Who Raise Emotionally Resilient Kids, According to Psychologists

6. Difficulty launching

We raise kids to help them learn to fly, but adults raised by lawnmower parents may not get off the ground. "These young adults may live with their parents, depend on their parents financially or emotionally and fail to master young adult tasks, such as graduating from college, beginning their career and establishing meaningful relationships," Dr. Todey explains.Related: People Who Grew Up With Conflict ‘Swept Under the Rug’ Often Develop These 9 Traits as Adults, Psychologists Say

Dr. Todey notes that adults raised by overprotective lawnmower parents "often carry an internalized fear of failure."It's possible to mow these fears down, though, but it's a process."Start by intentionally stepping outside your comfort zone, trying new experiences, making independent decisions or allowing yourself to make mistakes without judgment," she suggests. "I emphasize to my clients that risk-taking and recovery from failure build self-efficacy, or the belief that you can handle what comes your way."Related: The Surprising Phrase You Should Stop Saying to Your Child or Grandchild—and What To Say Instead

2. Redefine success and self-worth

Put down the "parenting style" dictionary for a second and start writing your own—all about how you define success and self-worth as an adult. "Children of lawnmower parents often equate success with perfection or external approval," Dr. Todey points out. "Healing means learning to measure worth by effort, growth and authenticity rather than outcomes."Along the way, Dr. Todey suggests practicing self-compassion to break free from perfectionism by learning to be nicer to yourself after setbacks.

3. Build emotional independence through therapy and connection

Healing from a lifetime of lessons learned from lawnmower parenting can take time, and you may benefit from the support of a licensed therapist. "Therapy can help unpack early attachment dynamics and the anxiety that stems from over-control," Dr. Todey explains.She notes that therapists can help you develop a more secure attachment and trust that you can count on yourself and others."Over time, this fosters emotional regulation, healthy boundaries and more balanced relationships," she shares.Up Next:

Related: A Clinical Psychologist Is Begging Parents and Grandparents To Start Doing These 4 Things

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