When you're a parent or grandparent, having the responsibility of caring for kids is a great privilege. From answering their questions and helping shape their worldview, to modeling emotional intelligence and regulation, our words, validation and actions make a significant impact on the children we're raising.And while there are some surprising phrases you're being told to avoid, or other well-meaning words that can actually do more harm than good, there are a few things parents and grandparents can start doing today that will make a positive difference for our kids in both the short and long term.Dr. Ingrid Clayton, licensed clinical psychologist with a master’s in transpersonal psychology and a Ph.D. in clinical psychology, and author of Fawning: Why the Need to Please Makes Us Lose Ourselves—and How to Find Our Way Back, tells Parade about the four simple things she's begging moms, dads, grandmas and grandpas to begin doing ASAP. They make more of an impact on kids' development than you might realize.
Related: 7 ‘Often Overlooked’ Life Skills That Parents and Grandparents Should Teach Kids, a Child Psychologist Warns
"Give children space to disagree without fear of punishment or emotional withdrawal," Dr. Clayton says.Related: Child Psychologists Are Begging Parents and Grandparents to Never Turn a Blind Eye to These 12 Behaviors
2. Show children what it looks like to self-advocate
"Model healthy boundaries by saying 'no' when needed—and [let] your children witness that it's okay to speak up, even when it’s hard," Dr. Clayton recommends.
According to Dr. Clayton, this sounds like, “There’s nothing you could do that would make me love you less.”Related: People Who Didn’t Receive Positive Reinforcement as Children Often Develop These 14 Traits as Adults, Psychologists Say
4. Be on the lookout for fawning
"Get curious about how people-pleasing might be unintentionally passed down," Dr. Clayton stresses. "If you grew up in an emotionally chaotic or unpredictable environment, you may have developed a fawn response—and without realizing it, you could be reinforcing the same in your child."
She recommends asking yourself the following questions:
Am I more comfortable when my child is quiet, agreeable or easygoing?Do I feel embarrassed when they cry in public, challenge rules or express strong emotions?Do I say things like “Just be nice” or “Don’t make a scene” before understanding what they’re feeling?"These patterns are common—and becoming a parent is often what brings them to light," Dr. Clayton explains. "That awareness is a powerful doorway. By doing our own healing, we give our children permission to show up fully as themselves. We stop passing down the belief that they must shrink to be safe or loved."
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Related: 11 Things a Child Psychologist Is Begging Parents and Grandparents To Stop Doing
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Elaine Reid
Dr. Ingrid Clayton, author of Fawning: Why the Need to Please Makes Us Lose Ourselves—and How to Find Our Way Back, is a licensed clinical psychologist with a master’s in transpersonal psychology and a Ph.D. in clinical psychology. She’s had a thriving private practice for more than sixteen years and is a regular contributor to Psychology Today, where her blog “Emotional Sobriety” has had more than a million views.Hence then, the article about a clinical psychologist is begging parents and grandparents to start doing these 4 things was published today ( ) and is available on Parade ( Saudi Arabia ) The editorial team at PressBee has edited and verified it, and it may have been modified, fully republished, or quoted. You can read and follow the updates of this news or article from its original source.
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