There are so many viral and modern dating terms floating around. Some are more well-known and well-established, such as ghosting or breadcrumbing. And other terms are seemingly brand new and intriguing by name alone. One of these is “monkey branching” or “monkey barring,” and it’s not some cutesy dating trend that you want to be a part of. So, what is monkey branching, exactly? Everyone knows someone (or knows of someone) who is seemingly never single. Or a girl who can’t stay with one person for a very long time. Or a guy who shows up at the yearly work party with a different girlfriend, whom he has already moved in with. While monkey barring isn't necessarily behind a serial dater or someone never being single in every case, it is a subtle sign someone could be monkey branching in relationships. “Monkey-barring isn’t just a dating pattern; it’s a self-trust issue,” Dr. Brittany McGeehan, a licensed psychologist and high-performance coach, shares with Parade. “When we believe we need someone else to survive emotionally, we hand over our power.”She goes on to share that monkey-branching isn’t a “clinical” term, but rather “useful shorthand for describing a behavioral pattern rooted in emotional dependence and avoidance of separation.”Parade spoke with two psychologists to find out what monkey-branching is, signs of it that are easy to miss and whether or not it’s unhealthy.Related: 9 Common Signs of ‘Betrayal Trauma,’ According to Psychologists
What Is Monkey Branching?
“Monkey-barring (also called monkey-branching) is the practice of cultivating a new romantic relationship while still in a committed one, only letting go of the current partner after the next one is secured,” Dr. Kathy McMahon, Psy.D—a clinical psychologist, sex therapist, Certified Gottman Method Therapist and founder of Couples Therapy Inc—tells Parade. “The image is playground bars: you don’t release one hand until the next is firmly gripped.”She explains that this behavior is about “fear and convenience.” The person doing it fears being alone and “losing identity without a partner.” They also want the convenience of a “soft landing” in a new relationship as opposed to a messy and uncomfortable “clean breakup” before finding a new partner. And even if “monkey-branching” is a newer term, it’s a well-known behavior in relationships.“There isn’t a universal name, though therapists have long recognized the pattern,” she explains. “In earlier decades, we might have described it as an 'exit affair,’ ‘emotional affair’ or simply ‘being a jerk.’ What’s new is the catchy metaphor and the viral reach it’s had online.”Dr. McGeehan, who is also the host of The Aligned Powerhouse podcast, agrees, saying that people who swing from one relationship to another do so because they can’t “tolerate the discomfort of being alone.” She also says that monkey branching “usually signals unprocessed attachment wounds and difficulty with emotional regulation.” “It can point to someone who equates relationship status with safety or identity, and who may feel deeply uncomfortable confronting internal pain without external validation,” she explains further. “It doesn’t always mean they’re manipulative, but it does often mean they’re disconnected from their own emotional truth. And if the behavior persists, it also signals this person is not interested in building healthy relationships.”Dr. McMahon explains that once a person starts a new relationship (while still in their current one), they start to genuinely prefer that “safety net.” Then the “backup bar” becomes the “exit ramp,” and this is where monkey-barring dips into the territory of an “exit affair."“The relationship that began as an emotional crutch suddenly looks like the better option, and the monkey-barrer uses it to justify leaving,” she says. Related: 100 Cheating Quotes To Help You Start the Healing Process
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You might have guessed this already, but monkey barring or branching is not healthy for a relationship. “Yes, though not with malicious intent,” Dr. McGeehan says about whether this behavior is toxic. “Monkey-barring is unhealthy because it bypasses personal accountability, emotional integration and relational closure. It creates a false sense of control and can lead to repeated patterns of codependency, emotional avoidance and fractured relational dynamics over time. At its core, it’s also disregarding the other person’s emotional experience out of fear.”Dr. McMahon agrees, saying that “it avoids growth.”“The hardest part of a breakup is tolerating solitude, learning who you are without the relationship,” she shares. “Monkey-barring short-circuits that process. It also requires deception—juggling lies to your current partner, to your new partner and often to yourself.”
Do Monkey Branchers Feel Guilt?
First, in order to figure out if monkey branchers feel guilty when they do this, it's good to understand if this is an accident or something done subconsciously. Dr. McGeehan says that it “absolutely” can be an accident and that it is “often unconscious, especially when it stems from early attachment trauma.” “If someone learned that love and security were conditional, they might reach for connection the moment they sense abandonment, even if they haven’t consciously processed the end of their current relationship,” she says. “It’s a nervous system survival pattern, not always a calculated choice.”Dr. McMahon agrees to an extent, saying that “parts of it may feel subconscious,” such as trying to convince themselves that it’s “just a friendship” or that they’re “just exploring.” However, it takes intention to start a new relationship. “Building a new romantic bond while concealing it from your partner isn’t an accident,” she explains. “It requires daily acts of choice and concealment.”So on that note, do monkey barrers feel guilt? “Many do, but the guilt is complicated,” Dr. McMahon says. “Some minimize it (‘nothing physical happened’), some justify it (‘the relationship was already over’) and some feel ashamed but keep going anyway. The important distinction is whether guilt leads to accountability—or just rationalization.”Related: If You Answer ‘Yes’ to Any of These 5 Questions, You Could Be in a Manipulative Relationship, Says a Psychologist
If you’re worried that your partner is monkey branching—or you think you do this—our psychologists share 11 subtle signs of this behavior below. These are examples of what someone who commitsthe act of "monkey-barring" could act like or do pre- or post-breakup.
Depending on what your definition of cheating is, some people would put monkey-branching in the realm of emotional cheating. Whether you do or not, one sign that someone is swinging from one relationship to another is that they become very “close” with someone new.“This new connection may be presented as platonic or professional, but there’s an intensity or secrecy that signals emotional investment,” Dr. McGeehan says. “They’re usually talking about them often.”Dr. McMahon agrees, saying that new “friendships” can be a subtle sign of this behavior. “One person suddenly takes up a lot of emotional energy and conversation,” she shares.Again, someone who’s going to monkey-bar to a new relationship has one foot out the door, either seeking or desiring a connection with someone new. So once they find that person, it might be obvious from how intimate or familiar they get with them.
2. There’s sudden secrecy on their end
On that note, if someone has found their new “person” who will inevitably become their new partner, their current partner might notice that they start to become suddenly secretive near the end of their relationship. Similar to how someone who is cheating will do what they can to keep things under wraps so they can continue their clandestine hookups in secret, someone who is trying to cultivate a new relationship while they’re still committed to someone else isn’t going to be upfront about it.“They guard their phone or social media more than usual,” Dr. McMahon points out as a sign of this behavior.
Something that is almost always a direct result of a partner doing #1 and #2, they’re going to withdraw eventually, right before they finally cut things off. They’re getting their emotional fix from their new relationship, so they don’t feel the need to participate in that way in the relationship they’re still in.“They’re less available, less affectionate or start ‘checking out’ of deeper conversations, even if they haven’t left the relationship yet,” Dr. McGeehan explains. “This can make their partner feel crazy because when pushed on being withdrawn, usually this person will say everything is fine.”Dr. McMahon agrees, saying “emotional distance” while being physically in the first relationship can be a sign that they’re monkey-branching. She also points out that “conflict avoidance” becomes an M.O. for them as they drift away, since there’s no need to fight or engage if “they’ve already checked out.” Additionally, she says that emotionally distancing oneself can show up simply as them not talking about the future anymore. “Future talk fades," she shares. "They stop making long-term plans with you.” That's because, to them, they’re already done with the partnership.
4. They have a new schedule all of a sudden
In the same vein as suddenly becoming secretive, Dr. McMahon says that a sign of monkey-barring is suddenly having a new routine. “Time is reallocated in ways that don’t add up,” she says.If the partner swinging between significant others abruptly starts spending time outside of the house, coming home late or leaving early, it could be because they’re making time for someone else. Again, they’re cultivating a whole new relationship under the nose of their current partner.
Once the monkey-barrer breaks up with their first partner, they might frame it as something that was bound to happen because of all of the problems they had. But, for the partner left behind, no problems were ever brought up to them to fix.“Partners often say, ‘They’d been unhappy for a long time, but never told me,’” Dr. McGeehan says. “The narrative feels rehearsed, as if the decision was made long ago. It can be helpful to ask someone, ‘What did they say when you told them you were dissatisfied with ___’ as a way to check in and see whether they communicated their issues with their partner.”
6. There’s a fast-forward into a new relationship within days or weeks
Once the breakup happens, a sign that monkey-branching occurred could be that they get into a brand new relationship very quickly. “The person seems suddenly ‘ready to move on,’ often posting publicly or introducing a new partner quickly, suggesting a pre-existing connection,” Dr. McGeehan says. “It can make their closer connections feel like they have whiplash.”Related: 8 Signs of Doing the ‘Bare Minimum’ in a Relationship, According to Psychologists
Oftentimes, breakups create a grieving process where you’re mourning the relationship that was just ended. But for someone monkey-branching into a new partnership, they don’t really mourn the previous one, at least not outwardly.“Rather than sitting with the pain of separation, they distract themselves with romance, newness or performance, appearing unbothered,” Dr. McGeehan explains. “They usually answer, ‘I don’t know, I just got over it,’ when asked about their process.”
8. Their social media or public image shifts overnight
Before breaking up with their first partner, another sign someone is monkey-barring is that their social media “persona” changes all of a sudden.“You’ll often see a curated reinvention: gym posts, new hobbies or inspirational captions that reflect a premeditated glow-up narrative,” Dr. McGeehan shares. “It also indicates emphasis on how they are perceived rather than making decisions about identity from internal wisdom.”Dr. McMahon also shares this sign, saying that their “appearance shifts” and they might show “unexpected new attention to grooming or fitness.”
When it comes to how a monkey-brancher reflects on their old relationship, Dr. McGeehan says that they might focus on phrases that sound positive on the surface, like “I outgrew the relationship” or “I just needed something more aligned.” But they’re just using this language “to bypass accountability.” “This can be so common with a lot of this language being pushed on social media right now,” she points out, which might help disguise why they’re really saying these things. “Healthy adults communicate their needs in relationships and communicate when they’re dissatisfied with a current relationship.”
10. They also gaslight when confronted about the relationship
If their ex or someone who knew their ex confronts them about the previous relationship, a monkey-barrer might resort to gaslighting. This is so that they don’t have to admit fault in the demise of their relationship, which was due to monkey-branching.“When questioned, they deflect, accuse you of paranoia or insist everything’s fine,” Dr. McMahon explains.
11. They show a pattern of never being single
As we mentioned up top, if someone seems like they’re never single, it could be a sign that they frequently monkey-bar.“If this is their third or fourth quick transition, it’s a sign that they struggle to be alone, not that they’re just ‘lucky in love,’” Dr. McGeehan explains. While this might be something you gossip about with friends if it doesn’t involve you, there are ways to actually scope out a monkey-barrer on first dates.“This would be a great question to ask someone if you’re dating and talking about romantic history,” she suggests. “Not only ‘How many other relationships have you been in?’ but also asking, ‘How did you take time to heal and grieve each relationship before moving on?’”
Do Monkey Branching Relationships Last?
As you can imagine, this behavior isn’t great for long-lasting relationships. Dr. McGeehan tells Parade that the person doing the monkey branching will experience long-term damage that results in “a loss of self-awareness and relational depth.”“They may never fully process their own wounds or understand their true needs, probably leaving them in a continuous pattern of broken relationships,” she says.And of course, for the partner left behind in this mess, they will most likely experience “profound betrayal trauma, feeling like the relationship ended before it officially did, or that they were replaced before they even had a chance to grieve.”And as for future relationships, she explains that “it erodes trust, both in the self and in future relationships."Dr. McMahon is on the same page, sharing that monkey-barring “isn’t a quirky trend,” and instead is “betrayal in stereo” that will leave its mark on all partners involved.“The partner left behind wasn’t truly loved, and the new partner wasn’t truly chosen,” she explains. “Both become placeholders in someone else’s cowardice.”Because of this, it’s not a good way to start a relationship (or end one, of course). The lack of integrity and honesty in the person who “monkey-branches” also won’t get better in a new setting and with a new person, resulting in a toxic cycle.“The hard truth is that serial monkey-barrers rarely change unless consequences force them to,” Dr. McMahon says. “Deception ‘works’ for them: it spares them solitude, shields them from conflict, and guarantees a soft landing. Why stop when the strategy keeps delivering?”She says that “real change requires more than recognition” and “it demands genuine remorse” for their deception and hurtful choices.“It means making amends where possible and choosing integrity even when dishonesty would be easier,” she shares.So, would a relationship that’s a product of monkey-branching work out? You can probably guess the outcome of that one.“Relationships that begin with monkey-barring face an uphill battle,” Dr. McMahon says. “If someone cheated the exit once, why wouldn’t they do it again? The foundation of dishonesty poisons even sincere attempts at building something real.”Related: The #1 Sign Someone Needs More Reassurance in Their Relationship, a Psychotherapist Says
If this sounds like something you do or have done, there are ways to stop the behavior so you can stop harming others and yourself. “The first step is getting honest about your fear of separation and emotions in general,” Dr. McGeehan points out. “What emotional discomfort are you avoiding by swinging into something new?”She says that, from there, you can find ways to “build tolerance for solitude and work on healthy emotional regulation skills.”“That doesn’t mean isolation; it means learning how to meet your emotional needs without outsourcing them to the next partner,” she explains. “Therapy, somatic work and nervous system regulation can help you access the safety you’ve been seeking within, instead of searching for it through relationships.”While romantic partners can be great supporters, you don’t want to rely on another person to fill your emotional cup, so to speak. Once you learn how to regulate on your own and validate yourself from within, you won’t seek that from outside sources and become dependent on needing a relationship for that, leading to monkey-barring.“The goal isn’t to never desire connection, it’s to choose it from wholeness rather than avoidance so you can bring a healthier version of yourself to the next relationship,” she explains further.Dr. McMahon says that in her opinion, the first step is recognizing that this behavior is due to a “character issue, not just a coping issue.”“Therapy can help, but so can courage,” she says. She then shares that a monkey-barrer needs to learn how to:
End one relationship cleanly before beginning another.Learn to tolerate the discomfort of being single.Choose honesty even when it’s frightening.“Growth here requires integrity—doing the hard, scary thing instead of the easy, deceptive one,” she says.And to ultimately heal, Dr. McGeehan shares that someone who swings from one relationship to another should reconnect to parts of themselves they’ve “abandoned” and learn to “sit in discomfort long enough for clarity to emerge.”“As you do this, you learn that you are capable of taking care of yourself, and you develop self-trust,” she says. “Otherwise, we just keep repeating the pattern with new faces.”Up Next:
Related: People Who Have These 9 Common Traits Are More Likely To Cheat in Relationships, Psychologist Says
Sources:
Dr. Brittany McGeehan is a licensed psychologist and high-performance coach. She’s also the host of The Aligned Powerhouse podcast, and she’s known for “helping ambitious women build self-trust, leadership clarity and intimacy without self-abandonment.”Dr. Kathy McMahon, Psy.D, is a clinical psychologist and founder of Couples Therapy Inc. She’s also a sex therapist and Certified Gottman Method Therapist.Hence then, the article about 11 subtle signs you re monkey branching in your relationship psychologists warn was published today ( ) and is available on Parade ( Saudi Arabia ) The editorial team at PressBee has edited and verified it, and it may have been modified, fully republished, or quoted. You can read and follow the updates of this news or article from its original source.
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