Guilt-tripping, that lovely thing that pops up in relationships with partners, family and friends in which one person makes another feel guilty for a perceived wrong, is something that we all deal with occasionally. It doesn’t feel good, especially since it “establishes power over another person and causes that person to have to make up for something owed to the person applying guilt,” as clinical psychologist Dr. Patty Johnson puts it.Guilt-tripping tends to be fairly obvious, but at times, it can be subtle, and it can be done as an ongoing, repeated pattern. That negative pattern can, unfortunately, wear the receiver down after a while. Ahead, read through some subtle guilt-tripping phrases that may be said in your relationship, and how to best respond out of empowerment—instead of shame.Related: 14 Genius Phrases To Shut Down Gaslighting, According to Psychologists
“Guilt-tripping can become a substitute for expressing needs in healthy ways,” Dr. Johnson says. “This can lead to the person who is guilting to feel resentful because they’re vaguely sharing what they’d like and then placing responsibility on the other person to figure out how to fulfill those needs.” This, in turn, may make you perpetually feel as if you fall short of meeting the guilt-inducing person’s vague requests because you aren’t sure what’s being asked. “This cycle creates increased resentment in both individuals, and can lead to the demise of a relationship,” she points out.
In general, guilt-tripping can easily lead to miscommunication, along with unexpressed needs and resentment on both ends. “The best way to counter it is to communicate needs honestly, specifically and directly, which creates mutual autonomy and empathy,” Dr. Johnson says. Related: The 10 Earliest Signs of Emotional Manipulation To Look Out For, According to Psychologists
8 Subtle Guilt-Tripping Phrases That Are Easy To Miss, According to a Psychologist
While it’s entirely possible that the person is legitimately busy with another task, according to Dr. Johnson, this phrase might be confusing as to whether the person is truly occupied or is making a passive-aggressive statement for being asked to do the task. “This lack of clarity can make it easy to miss as a guilt-inducing comment,” she observes. If this phrase comes up, find out if they’re “truly committing to fulfilling the request,” as Dr. Johnson says, and politely ask for a timeline and/or deadline.
2. “So, I’m just for the worst person for…”
This sarcastic phrase might come about because the person is feeling defensive. Even if you called them out gently about something, they may react through this guilt-tripping phrase. While “it could appear that the person is getting down on themselves rather than attempting to induce guilt,” as Dr. Johnson says, it places attention on them and minimizes your feelings. Instead, try to return the attention to the feelings you originally expressed. Dr. Johnson explains that you can reply with, “I’m expressing how I feel, not insulting you.”
The guilt-tripper might say phrases like this followed by a smirk or laughter. This is their way of expressing resentment with the help of a joke.“The person creating guilt is disguising what they really feel by making a joke of it,” Dr. Johnson says. “Since it’s packaged as a joke, it’s assumed that it shouldn’t be taken seriously.” To combat these types of phrases, she recommends approaching it directly by seeking clarity on whether it is a joke or if there are true emotions behind the statement. Related: People Who Were Raised by Helicopter Parents Often Develop These 9 Traits as Adults, a Psychologist Says
4. “Oh, you should have reminded me you wanted my help.”
In this instance, “the person being guilted may question whether they should’ve provided a reminder and wonder if they’re in the wrong,” Dr. Johnson says. In this case, you can inform the guilt-tripper that they agreed on and confirmed they would assist with the task. “You might say, ‘You agreed to do it and confirmed, so I didn’t think you needed a reminder,’” she suggests.
Dr. Johnson says that while this phrase may appear to be a helpful suggestion, it’s actually crossing boundaries around autonomy. “This comment seems harmless enough, however, it’s crossing boundaries and has the other person question their decision,” she adds. For this, she says that you can explore the rationale for why the suggestion is being made and hold to your decision, possibly stating, “I feel good about my decision, and I’m not comfortable with changing it.”Related: 10 Subtle Signs a Friendship Is Draining You, Psychologists Warn
6. “Either is fine. I don’t care.”
The guilt-tripper says this when they’re being vague or indecisive. “From the outset, it appears the person is being flexible,” Dr. Johnson says. “The person who attempts to create guilt with this statement holds resentment but doesn’t express this.” She suggests asking for clarity and a more detailed response; you can ask, “Can you be more specific?”
Guilt-trippers excel at playing the victim, and they may use this phrase to come across as such. “It may seem matter-of-fact to state needs, but there’s a contrast here where the person agrees to do the task but is also stating what’s being sacrificed in order to complete it,” Dr. Johnson says. Here’s a phrase she shares you can reply with: “I’d rather that you be honest with yourself about whether you’d like to do this or not.”Related: How To Deal With a Gaslighter, According to a Psychologist
8. “Remember what a pain it was to…”
You may find that a guilt-tripping individual holds favors over your head. They might say something like, “Remember what a pain it was to move you into this apartment?”Although it might be viewed as simply a shared memory or bonding moment, Dr. Johnson says that it can be felt as something that was resented. “Ask whether they feel they’re owed something for helping,” she says. “For instance, ‘I appreciate you helping me. But it feels like you’re expecting something in return for doing that.’”
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Related: 11 Genius Phrases To Respond to Guilt-Tripping and Why They Work, According to Psychologists
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Dr. Patty Johnson, clinical psychologistHence then, the article about 8 subtle guilt tripping phrases that are easy to miss a psychologist warns was published today ( ) and is available on Parade ( Saudi Arabia ) The editorial team at PressBee has edited and verified it, and it may have been modified, fully republished, or quoted. You can read and follow the updates of this news or article from its original source.
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