People Who Were Constantly Compared to Siblings in Childhood Often Develop These 7 Traits as Adults, Psychologists Say ...Saudi Arabia

Looking back on childhood, everyone carries memories and moments that quietly shape who they become as adults. For some, these experiences are positive and uplifting, but for others, certain challenges leave a deeper mark. Take Jan Brady from The Brady Bunch, for example—her well-known frustration with being constantly compared to her older sister Marcia perfectly captures a common experience many can relate to. The repeated comparisons, the feeling of always being second best and the struggle to find your own identity in the shadow of a sibling can create lasting emotional impacts. If you find yourself nodding along to that, you’re not the only one. Psychologists say that there are specific traits of people who were compared to siblings in childhood that develop into adulthood.To uncover what those traits might be, we turned to experts in the field: Dr. Adolph "Doc" Brown, a psychologist and professor who appeared on ABC’s The Parent Test, and Dr. Paula Freedman-Diamond, a psychologist and author. Drawing from years of experience, they provide thoughtful insights into these particular characteristics, so you can recognize whether they are showing up in your own life or the lives of those around you. Their perspectives offer a clearer understanding of how childhood sibling comparisons can influence adult patterns, shedding light on something many people experience but few talk about.Ready to learn more? Check out everything they reveal below to discover how childhood sibling comparisons might be shaping your adult life—and what you can do about it. Their expert advice offers a fresh perspective and thoughtful guidance for anyone looking to understand and heal from these lasting effects.Related: What Is ‘Eldest Daughter Syndrome’? 11 Signs To Look For, According to Psychologists

If you know someone who was always being compared to their sibling—or if you were that person—experts say it's very likely that competitiveness is a trait as a result."Comparisons, especially in childhood between siblings, breed rivalry, making success a zero-sum game," Dr. Brown tells Parade. "Siblings might race to achieve milestones, turning achievements into contests rather than personal growth, which can carry over into adulthood."While this competitive drive can fuel success, our experts warn it often comes with a cost: stress, burnout or difficulty celebrating others' wins.Related: People Who Weren’t Close to Their Siblings in Childhood Often Develop These 12 Traits as Adults, Psychologists Say

2. Perfectionism

"From a young age, children get messages from the outside world about how they’re supposed to be," Dr. Freedman-Diamond explains. "Even though this isn’t always communicated explicitly, those messages often get internalized as, 'I have to be a certain way or act a certain way in order to be worthy of love and belonging.' So, when a child is compared to their sibling, they can sometimes get the message that one way is right and one is wrong—or one is better than the other—which can lead to patterns of perfectionism, competitiveness, people-pleasing or fear of failure."Dr. Brown adds that being constantly compared to a sibling during childhood can leave a lasting mark well into adulthood, especially when it comes to your job and tasks you take on.“Constant comparisons during childhood to a sibling often fosters a belief that one's worth is tied to achievement," says Dr. Brown.

When a child is constantly compared to a sibling, they can begin to internalize the belief that love and approval must be earned—often by mimicking someone else’s behavior."A child who is always told to 'be more like' their sibling may adapt to gain affection," says Dr. Brown.He continues, explaining that over time, this need to gain approval can solidify into a trait of high agreeableness—not in the healthy, cooperative sense, but as a pattern of self-suppression. In adulthood, this might show up as always saying yes, avoiding conflict or molding themselves to fit what they believe others want—often at the cost of their own needs, opinions and identity.Related: A Psychotherapist Is Begging Everyone To Stop Believing This Common Myth About ‘People-Pleasers’

4. They're empathetic

Growing up constantly compared to a sibling, an adult might develop empathy as a trait because they became highly aware of others’ feelings and needs, using this sensitivity to navigate dynamics."Experiencing pressure and competition growing up can lead to a greater understanding of others’ struggles," Dr. Brown shares. "That's why a person who felt overshadowed as a child by their sibling might become attuned to the insecurities of peers."

“If a younger sibling is always being compared to their brother or sister, they will feel undeserving of accolades, believing they only succeed by chance,” Dr. Brown tells Parade. Our experts share that this can follow them into adulthood, where they may struggle to fully own their achievements or feel confident in their abilities. This can lead to them having traits like low confidence, self-doubt and being insecure, which can even cause them to develop trait-like patterns of imposter syndrome."If a younger sibling grew up constantly being compared to an older sibling who was very accomplished (e.g., a star athlete, a strong student), they may have learned they need to strive to achieve a lot in order to be worthy of their parents’ love or attention," Dr. Freedman-Diamond further explains. "Due to this, even if they do accomplish a lot over the course of their life, they may still experience imposter syndrome, where the little kid in them feels like they’ll never live up to their parents’ expectations or escape their older sibling’s shadow."

6. They're risk-averse

Our experts say that one trait often developed by individuals who were frequently compared to their siblings growing up is being risk-averse. This trait characterized by the avoidance of uncertain or challenging situations, usually due to a deep-seated fear of failure or embarrassment."Having high expectations set on you during childhood when you're being compared to your siblings can instill an intense fear of you not measuring up in certain situations when you're an adult," Dr. Brown shares. "For example, if someone was often compared to their brother or sister and saw that when they made mistakes, they were then met with harsh criticism, that person may avoid risks altogether in both childhood and as an adult."Related: People Who Didn’t Receive Positive Reinforcement as Children Often Develop These 14 Traits as Adults, Psychologists Say

An adult can develop a sensitive trait as a result of growing up constantly compared to a sibling, making them easily hurt by negative feedback or perceived rejection in their personal or work life."Being frequently compared to someone when you're growing up, like a brother or sister, makes criticism feel like a personal attack," Dr. Brown explains.He breaks the reason down, saying that when a person grows up and experiences something similar, they can be extra sensitive to it."An adult may perceive feedback as a threat to their identity, not just their work," he tells Parade.Related: 12 Phrases Psychologists Are Begging Parents and Grandparents To Stop Saying to an Oldest Child

5 Tips for Healing if You Were Compared to a Sibling During Childhood

1. Work with a therapist

If you're struggling as an adult because of your past, where you were compared to your sibling on a regular basis, our experts say seeking out professional help can have a positive outcome when it comes to healing."A therapist can help you uncover patterns and recognize ways you are staying stuck in a belief system that isn't serving you," Dr. Freedman-Diamond reveals. "They can also help you clarify your values, heal from past trauma and develop a stable sense of self."

Another thing that can help you heal has to do with pumping yourself up."Celebrating your own wins can take the focus off comparison to others and instead orient you toward your own goals and priorities," Dr. Freedman-Diamond points out. "This is also a way to practice internal validation, which is an important way to move out of relying solely on external validation."

3. Reframe the narrative

If you're always focused on the past, it's hard to move forward. That's why Dr. Freedman-Diamond suggests looking at things differently. "When you reframe the narrative, it can help you by changing the relationship you have with the past," she says. "You don't choose what happens to you, but you do have the ability to decide what meaning and significance you attach to your experiences."Related: People Who Felt Ignored as Children Often Develop These 14 Traits as Adults

Who you have in your inner circle can also play a big part in your healing process, so you want to make sure you are surrounded by the right people."Your support system can be very helpful in reminding you that you have value exactly as you are," Dr. Freedman-Diamond tells Parade. "If you surround yourself with people who value you as an individual, and don't compare you to others or make you feel like you have to be a certain way, then you can start to shift your own beliefs and trust that the people who care about you don't need you to perform for them."Related: 9 Signs Someone Is a Negative Influence on You, Psychologists Warn

5. Set emotional boundaries

In some cases, healing means you have to put your foot down and stand up for what you need."Boundaries help protect relationships by setting parameters around them," Dr. Freedman-Diamond states. "It can be empowering to assert your needs and engage in your relationships in ways that demonstrate both respect for the other person and respect for yourself."Up Next:

Related: 16 Phrases Psychologists Are Begging Parents and Grandparents To Stop Saying to an Oldest Daughter

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