During a summer of visiting family in the US and Italy, one cultural difference has stood out, creating some awkward moments: when, where and how much to tip.
It’s a shock from the moment you get that cab from JFK Airport into Manhattan. On top of the $70 set fare and endless tolls and taxes there is that sinking feeling when the digital screen flashes three tipping buttons: 20%, 25% or 30%!
I’ve spent enough time bouncing between New York, London, and Rome all my life to know that tipping is a toxic subject. No matter what you pay, someone will tell you you’re doing it wrong.
In the US, dining out or staying in a hotel means living inside a tipping paradox. Officially, the minimum wage is $16.50 an hour. But in restaurants and hospitality, employers can use a “tip credit”. That means a “food service worker” can legally earn much less, with the assumption that tips will cover the rest. If customers don’t tip enough, the employer is supposed to top up – but servers tell you that doesn’t always happen. So, your waiter isn’t just hoping you’re generous, they depend on it. No wonder every café iPad in the US demands 20 per cent just for buying a coffee.
Meanwhile, in Rome, you finish your espresso at the end of your four-course “light “lunch, and suddenly you’re doing the maths, sweating and wondering: Am I being cheap or just British? You leave a bundle of euros and waiter hands it back, saying gently: “No, signore, it’s all included in the coperta – (cover charge).” Although this is changing, historically, tips were not required. Waiting is not seen as a menial job, but a decently-remunerated career.
In the UK, things feel different. Brits don’t like to be told how much to tip. Traditionally, 10 per cent was enough – and discretionary. In pubs, tipping is nearly unheard of. But recently, we’ve been catching the American bug. Card machines slyly suggest 12.5 per cent or 15 per cent, even when there’s already a service charge on the bill.
My daughter waitressed at a very famous restaurant. I had encouraged her to work there because “the tips will be amazing”. Well, they would have been, if the waiting staff actually received them all.
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Thankfully the law now requires tips to go directly to staff, rather than vanishing into the restaurant’s general coffers. But still, the feeling persists: tipping here isn’t cultural. Meanwhile, that Roman waiter can wave away a tip as if the idea of begging for extra cash was beneath him, because he is paid properly. Explain that to a New Yorker pulling double shifts at $11 an hour, plus whatever strangers decide they deserve.In some countries, tipping is a harmless thank-you; in others, it’s the difference between making rent and not. The US has turned a gesture of generosity into a wage substitute, outsourcing payroll to diners. Whereas Italy quietly demonstrates what feels like common sense: just pay your staff properly and let the customer relax. The UK wobbles in between.
Travelling between these cultures is mentally exhausting. Do I tip 20 per cent in Boston? Yes. Do I tip 10 per cent in Manchester? Usually. Do I tip in Puglia? Almost never. Just do as the culture dictates – but it is a minefield.
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