Does your text message response time immediately say something about you? Psychologists share that it can."Choosing when and how to respond to a text message is very important," explains Dr. Gayle MacBride, Ph.D., LP, a psychologist with Veritas Psychology Partners. "What you say can be as important as how fast you say it."However, speediness is not always the best tactic when texting, despite a modern-day desire for instant gratification. Psychologists suggest that the message you convey by not responding to a text immediately depends on the context. They bring much-needed nuance to the chat. Scroll on to learn nine common traits of people who avoid responding to text messages right away and how to become a master at SMS.Related: Why Therapists Are Begging People To Stop 'Dry Texting'
'Does This Text Require an Immediate Response?'
Psychologists report that it's important to know what requires an immediate response via text and what can wait.Dr. Hannah Yang, Psy.D., a psychologist and founder of Balanced Awakening, suggests replying right away if:
On the other hand, Dr. Sanam Hafeez, Psy.D., a neuropsychologist and director of Comprehend the Mind, reports that you can leave someone on "read" if they send:
Memes, jokes or social media linksGroup chat banter that doesn’t need your inputGeneral life updates not tied to a time-sensitive event (think a stream of photos of their beach vacation while you're mid-hustle at work)Reminders about something far in the futureTexts sent while you’re working, driving or in a situation where replying isn’t safe or practicalMessages from people you don’t know wellRelated: An Etiquette Expert Is Begging People To Start Putting This One Thing in Emails
Setting boundaries can be challenging, as can resisting the temptation to subscribe to a culture that values instant gratification. However, people who don't respond to texts right away may be modern-day unicorns."They triage everything—Slack, kids, emails, texts—through the lens of, 'Does this move the needle right now?'" Dr. MacBride notes. "Texts usually don’t, so they get paused until a deliberate check-in window. It’s not indifference; it’s making sure the right thing has our attention at the right time."Another psychologist agrees, adding that boundary-conscious types may also consider "rest" something that moves the needle (more proof that they're unicorns)."Some people choose to silence or put their phones aside in order to be mindfully present wherever they are," notes Dr. Deborah Vinall, Psy.D., LMFT, the chief psychological officer with Recovered.org.Related: Is 'No Response' Actually a Response? How To Know, According to an Etiquette Expert
2. They're perfectionists
The texter who keeps typing out responses—as indicated by the sometimes anxiety-provoking "..."—may not be leaving you waiting on baited breath because they're rude. Instead, they may be trying to hit the SMS version of a grand slam."People who believe that they cannot make mistakes and everything they do needs to be perfect will delay responding because they will obsess over having the perfect response for you," Dr. Yang shares. "Then, they may get exhausted and give up and not respond."Related: People Who Never Felt Validated as Kids Often Develop These 11 Traits as Adults, Psychologists Say
The person you're texting with may be juggling a lot. Unfortunately, they may drop the ball on responding to you."High achievers (working parents, in particular), live in back-to-back mode," Dr. MacBride points out. "When your day is a relay race of decisions or meetings, even glancing at a text risks being derailed. These people fully intend to reply. However, when they just surface, exhausted, at 9:47 p.m. with 27 unread messages and 'mush brain,' they tell themselves they will reply tomorrow."Dr. MacBride says that sometimes they don't and feel terrible when they realize it weeks later.Related: 7 Signs of ‘High-Functioning Depression,’ According to a Columbia-Trained Psychiatrist
4. They're overworked and burnt out
The high achievers described in No. 3 can work themselves into a state of burnout, which can only make it harder to respond to texts with urgency."People who believe they need to work a lot for any reason—to achieve their goals, because it is necessary in their industry, because they think the harder they work, the more they’ll achieve—are prone to burnout," Dr. Yang says. "When someone is burnt out and overwhelmed by all of the things they need to do, they are less likely to respond to texts in a timely manner."Related: This Is the #1 Question To Ask Yourself When You're Overwhelmed, According to 'Lifestyled' Author Shira Gill
The constant ping of a phone (or watch or computer) can steal your attention and intention to do other tasks well. People who don't respond to text messages as soon as they get them may have accepted this truth and put guardrails in place to ensure that they can remain in a state of flow."Slow texters may be those who deeply engage in activities and are not easily distracted by outside demands," Dr. Vinall says.
6. They’re distracted or scattered
On the other hand, slow texters may struggle with "popcorn brain," which occurs when thoughts "pop" from one thought to the next."They may read the text while doing something else—at work [or] watching something and intend to answer later," Dr. Hafeez says. "The problem is they often forget because their mind jumps to the next thing."
Some people are hyper-focused and thrive with schedules. For others, this aspect of life is challenging, and it can seep into texting habits. "Even if they care about the person texting them, they let their day run them instead of the other way around," Dr. Hafeez reports. "Texts pile up behind all the other things they’re trying to juggle. Their delay isn’t personal—it’s part of how they move through the day."
8. They're anxious-avoidant
Dr. MacBride notes that some people with anxiety respond quickly, but others avoid it."Some people delay because texts trigger thoughts like, 'This will lead to a long conversation that I can’t handle right now,'" Dr. MacBride says. "The pause is a coping strategy—space to calm the nervous system before engaging."
Dr. MacBride says these people will usually respond eventually, but expect a significant lag time and the following situation: “three dots appeared, disappeared, and reappeared, then went away entirely."Then, you'll awake at 7 a.m. to a response timestamped 3:32 a.m.—because they're probably up ruminating about the text.Related: What Is Fearful-Avoidant Attachment? Here Are the Sneaky Signs and Patterns To Look for in Your Relationships
Not everyone considers their phone a fifth limb."There are still people out there who don’t use their phone much and aren’t very concerned that they are missing something," Dr. Yang says. "They may lose track of time in other areas of life, and their phone has been inaccessible the whole time. So when they say, 'Just seeing this now,' they genuinely mean it."Related: 35 Fun Games To Play Over Text That'll Keep You Entertained and Connected to Your Friends
How To Become a Better Texter
1. Create boundaries
You may not be a master at boundaries, but you can flex that muscle, such as by setting aside times to shut off notifications and hide your phone from yourself. "The key to success in texting in a responsive and timely manner is to give yourself breaks," Dr. Yang points out. "If you are always 'on' and receiving texts, you’re basically going to burn out."Dr. Yang adds that it can help to have different boundaries for work and personal texts.
Related: 11 Boundaries Every Woman Should Set by 40, According to Therapists
Text message conversations are often billed as a colloquial way to communicate, but they can get emotionally charged. It's OK to take a beat—or 24 hours, as Dr. MacBride sometimes recommends to patients—so you can respond with intention and a cooler head (or thumbs)."If you are upset or activated about something, it’s best to pause," Dr. MacBride notes. "You will need time for your pre-frontal cortex to come back online after getting a message that ticks you off."Dr. MacBride reports that firing off a reactive response can cause more issues than a lag between texts.
3. Show interest and sincerity
Ask people what's going on in their lives, especially if you don't see them often."Great text communication doesn't only inform and entertain, but demonstrates care and appreciation of the other person, as well," Dr. Vinall explains. "Be sincere. Balance humor with heart. Be clear in expressing emotions through word choice or use of reaction buttons, GIFs and emojis."
Yes, some meetings could be emails, and some calls could be texts. However, sometimes, a voice call is much more effective."Not every conversation belongs in a string of messages," Dr. Hafeez says. "If things are getting confusing, emotional or drawn out, it’s better to pick up the phone. Calling can clear up what five more texts might only complicate. Good texting is knowing when texting isn’t the best option anymore."
5. Know the appropriate response time
More often than not, try to respond within a timeframe that meets the memo."You don’t have to reply instantly, but leaving someone hanging for hours or days can come off as careless," Dr. Hafeez explains. "People notice patterns. Being consistent helps people feel like they matter to you."
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Sources:
Dr. Gayle MacBride, Ph.D., LP, a psychologist with Veritas Psychology PartnersDr. Hannah Yang, Psy.D., a psychologist and founder of Balanced AwakeningDr. Sanam Hafeez, Psy.D., a neuropsychologist and director of Comprehend the MindDr. Deborah Vinall, Psy.D., LMFT, the chief psychological officer with Recovered.orgHence then, the article about people who avoid responding to texts right away often share these 9 traits psychologists explain was published today ( ) and is available on Parade ( Saudi Arabia ) The editorial team at PressBee has edited and verified it, and it may have been modified, fully republished, or quoted. You can read and follow the updates of this news or article from its original source.
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