Necessity is the mother of reinvention – and nobody has ever needed a new look more than Gregg Wallace. Officially sacked from his gig as MasterChef presenter this month, following 83 allegations of inappropriate behaviour – more than half of which were upheld in an investigation – Wallace has swiftly rebranded as a fitness guru, loudly touting his new online wellness plan “Healthy Fifty”.
And while you would be right to point out that now is a strange moment for him to be courting the public pound, just know that Wallace’s is a business proposition with a very specific clientele in mind: himself.
Ok, not literally – but as close to himself as he can get; namely, middle-aged men who don’t mind taking diet tips from someone who drops his trousers in front of junior employees in dressing rooms (though Wallace has insisted “I am not a flasher”). Presumably, Wallace has resolved that other sorts of people – read, women, or younger men who might have been indoctrinated by them – are too much trouble.
If you feel the same, you’re in luck – as long as you fall into Wallace’s target audience, you need never be exposed to an outside opinion ever again. For just £11.99 a month, members of Healthy Fifty are promised “a private chat room for men over 50. Real talk, real support – hosted by Gregg Wallace. Fitness, food, lifestyle, laughs. Sign up below and pop in to say hello.”
Gosh, wish I could, Gregg, but I don’t think I’m the kind of subscriber you’re looking for! Still, I guess it’s nice that men over 50 will finally have somewhere to air their opinions and concerns – haven’t heard enough from those guys over the last few millennia, amirite?
Like lots of mediocre white men in the public eye, Wallace was well-liked by much of the country for years – at least, no one questioned his right to be front and centre of one of our most popular cooking shows. The revelation of his bad behaviour has atomised his fanbase – something Wallace is actively courting, rather than resisting.
While he could have learned from his recent chastening to embrace feedback, or even embarked on a bid to change for the better, he has built his own echo chamber instead. In fact, in a stroke of delicious irony – Healthy Fifty is exactly the kind of “safe space” that Wallace’s brand of shock-banter loves to mock minorities for creating. Punchline being, of course, that some people are just too fragile to take a joke or have their worldview challenged – but who’s laughing now?
On that note, a moment of sympathy: after all, for most of his life, the world through which Wallace moved must have seemed like it was built for him. In many ways, it was – not only did people laugh at his excruciating jokes, they encouraged them as part of his cheeky-chappy TV persona, and paid him huge sums of money to boot.
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As a society, we formed Wallace at every stage of his boorish evolution – and so it’s understandable that, when the same antics that had served him so well suddenly brought his career and reputation to their knees, he might have felt a little whiplash. Ok, sympathy over! Every time Wallace made a lurid joke or touched a woman who didn’t want him to, he reminded her of the power dynamics – professional, gendered – that maintained his position above hers. And because I am a woman who has dealt with her fair share of Wallace-esque twats, I just know that – perhaps after a quick cry in the loos, or a vent to friends over a glass of wine later in the week – that all of them carried on; that there was no other option.
With the tables turned, and with little experience of being on the sharp end of any power dynamic, Wallace has promptly crumbled. Incapable of weathering the consequences of his actions, let alone learning from them, Healthy Fifty is the (barely) adult equivalent of a secret den with a no girls allowed sign on the door; probably best for all of us – including Wallace – that he stays there.
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