5 Manipulative Phrases Straight Out of a Gaslighter's Playbook, According to Psychologists ...Saudi Arabia

Knowing if you’re being manipulated or gaslit can be so tricky. By nature, those tactics are insidious, hard to call out and easily twisted. “It’s a psychological power move wrapped in plausible deniability,” says Dr. Cynthia Edwards-Hawver, PsyD, a licensed psychologist and narcissistic burnout recovery coach who helps high-functioning moms break free from narcissistic abuse and emotional exhaustion.The good news is that some manipulative phrases have been recycled for a hot minute and are often clear signs. Ahead, psychologists share five key examples, plus helpful background information on the tactics. The examples aren’t all-inclusive, of course, but a solid start.Related: Do Gaslighters Know What They're Doing? Psychologists Share the Truth

Again, words like “manipulation” and “gaslighting” are super buzzy right now and are sometimes used interchangeably. So, let’s briefly discuss the difference between them.In short, manipulation is the umbrella term that gaslighting falls under. “Manipulation is a broader term that encompasses many strategies (guilt-tripping, flattery, deception) to influence someone’s actions,” says Dr. Michael G. Wetter, PsyD, APBB, FAACP, a board-certified clinical psychologist in Los Angeles. “Gaslighting is a specific form of emotional manipulation aimed at distorting another person’s perception of reality.”Put another way: “Where manipulation might guilt you into doing something you don’t want to do, gaslighting makes you wonder if you’re crazy for not wanting to do it in the first place,” Dr. Edwards-Hawver explains. “Think of it this way: Manipulation pressures behavior. Gaslighting rewrites truth.”So naturally, the tactics differ. Gaslighting relies on denial, contradiction and misinformation, Dr. Wetter says, while manipulation involves emotional leverage or coercion that doesn’t necessarily distort reality.Related:6 Subtle ‘Dry Begging’ Phrases People Use To Manipulate Others, Psychologists Warn

5 Common Manipulative Phrases, According to Psychologists

Maybe you started tearing up or verbally expressed hurt when they made a cruel “joke.” That’s when they're going to bring in this phrase. Gaslighting is all about making you doubt yourself and your perspective, and that’s what blaming it on your “sensitivity” does. “Instead of taking responsibility for something hurtful, the gaslighter blames your reaction,” Dr. Edwards-Hawver says. “It trains you to doubt your own emotional responses, eventually making you second-guess whether anything really happened at all.”Dr. Wetter adds, “It implies that the problem is with the victim’s emotions, not the behavior that triggered them, and subtly rewrites the shared experience.”Related: People Who Were Told They Were ‘Too Sensitive’ as Children Usually Develop These 14 Traits as Adults, Psychologists Say

2. “That never happened.”

When you remember and mention something that doesn’t put the gaslighter in a perfect, positive light, they deny, deny, deny. “Whether it’s a conversation, a promise or even physical aggression, this phrase is meant to make the victim question their memory,” Dr. Edwards-Hawver says.This happening repeatedly over time can chip away at your confidence, she continues, leaving you feeling confused and dependent. And that’s a gaslighter’s goal.

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This is another way a gaslighter might respond when you mention something that could hurt their image. They don’t want you to believe it, so they try to convince you that you’re wrong.“By planting doubt about the accuracy of memory, the gaslighter positions themselves as the more reliable narrator of events—even when they are the one distorting the truth,” Dr. Wetter says.To clarify, people can remember events differently without it being a case of gaslighting. The difference is intentionality, malice, the context and any patterns.Related: 6 Signs Someone Is Using You, According to a Psychologist

4. “I’m only saying this because I love you.”

A gaslighter may have used this phrase after saying something hurtful. Don’t trust it. “This one is extra toxic because it disguises cruelty as care,” Dr. Edwards-Hawver says. “It’s emotional manipulation disguised as concern, disguised to disarm the other person so they’ll accept criticism or control without protest.”Related: Self-Absorbed People Often Display These 12 Traits Without Realizing It, Psychologists Say

5. “Everyone else thinks you’re crazy too.”

This double whammy pairs gaslighting with social manipulation. “It isolates the victim and makes them question their own mental state and their support network,” Dr. Wetter says. “It also introduces the idea of group consensus as a way to pressure conformity and silence dissent.”After all, if everyone (supposedly) thinks you’re “crazy,” it must be true, right? (Wrong.)“Gaslighting is uniquely damaging because it seeks to erode a person’s trust in themselves,” Dr. Wetter concludes. “Understanding the subtle phrases and behaviors associated with gaslighting can empower individuals to recognize and resist this form of abuse.”

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